I'm going to just assume that when you call the female local cop a "sir" because....well to put it nicely....she's a she-man! I'm pretty sure she has my license plate stored in her memory and has my mug shot hanging at the local donut shop! In my defense, had she have been in uniform when I called her "sir" I would of recognized her and called her by her name!! Instead she was decked out in a plaid shirt, oversized carpenter pants and had on the nice boots with the flannel flap on the top! Totally "man" out! So, if you don't want to be called "Sir" at least wear some hooker boots so I could put two & two together. I always look at shoes first! Always! I am a shoe whore!!! A shoe enthusiast! I am "Shoe"per Women!
And to make matters worse, I had to use the bathroom while in our po-dunk gas station. So, I hold myself so I don't pee my pants and scooted/hopped/drug my pee-pee filled bladder to the nearest (and only) bathroom! I was jumping up and down trying to unzip my pants when I glanced down and saw it! The nastiest toliet that I have ever laid my seeping eyes on! Holy Mother of Jesus! What did this person eat??????
"It" (it meaning Shit!) was incrusted on the seat itself and covered in turd! I cannot explain the grossness I witnessed! I wanted to scratch out my eyeballs and light my nose on fire! I quickly pulled up the spanx (which spanx does not easily pull up) grabbed the jeans and zipped while on the "fly" and I also puked in my mouth a little. Oh.My.God! I don't know who's asshole exploded in there but they need to seek medical attention.....I know a good Proctologists! I barely made it home in time to pee!
If I would have known the hooigan who destroyed that bathroom I would have ripped out their pancrease and bitch slapped them with it! If they were the "Poop Fairy" though they could make some serious green!
Then I get home and realized that my body is aches are turning into misery and we have a "recorder" concert tonight to sit through! Yep..our school decided that instead of our 4th graders doing a Xmas program (which is so much better!) that they would be excluded from that but instead they will whistle the tunes of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or "When the Saints come marching in" and my personal favorite: "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"
A person could never hear enough of that song! It's a folk song in some eyes!!
Do you see a pattern here though? When Cracker get's sick she gets cranky! I am all cranked out with no one's throat to wrap my plump little digits around! Damn!
I need to go on the "South Bitch Diet".
Looky at this....3 posts in 24hrs! Your special friends.....darn special!
Here's a youtube song that I love though! I can only copy a link because now I'm confused with the video thing with youtube! But, go and listen....I wuv this song..especially on my bitch days!!!!
(This picture just fits with todays post!)
Maybe next post will be a cup of sunshine for you! You never know what personality you'll get!