Monday, February 18, 2008

The Diva!

Well, today I thought I would be a nice momma and take Diva and a friend to see a movie. You see, non of South Dakota has school today! This makes me want to scream the scream of a very fearful mom! Why? Well, b/c my Diva cannot entertain herself unless she is on the flipping computer all day and the t.v. is on Disney! Not a big deal however after a few hours of "Turn the computer down!" or "Turn the t.v. down" or "Diva, can I watch house hunters?" or "Diva, please, please can mom listen to something other then Webkinz or Hannah Montana?" God forbid the child play in her room by herself! If I kick her off the computer or t.v. then she insists that her friend(s) come over, eat me out of house and home, torture the dogs by dressing them in tutu's, tearing up the house, driving me crazy!!!! I threatened to put her back in my womb at one point and time!!!!!!
So, to get out of this house and so I don't mutilate my innocent (yeah right!) child and her friend, I decided a nice quiet movie! You see, I have been up since 4am!!! I don't know why, but I couldn't sleep and decided to watch some boring t.v. at 4am!!! So, I figured if the movie was boring then I could snooze some! Sweet dreaming!!!!

The movie theater was jam packed full of bitchy mothers with whiny, unruly children!!! I wanted to beat them with my crocs!!!! So, after standing in line and having these so called bitchy mothers actually budge their dumb asses in front of people, I knew that this could get ugly! I decided to show a good example and not pull these mom's hair and scratch their eyes out, I would yoga breathe!! I started to hyperventilate! I cannot stand rude, irrational, ignorant people. I can't...I can't stand them!!!! Ahhhhhhh!

So finally, we enter the theater and find sufficient seats. I snuggled in with my king popcorn and ice cold fountain pop (I have a love affair with fountain diet coke!). I'm feeling more relaxed now! Then it happens, as it always does. The tallest chick in South Dakota sits in front of me! I'm short people!!! And even with stadium seating I still cannot see over the gigantic head in front of me. As I have said, it's packed and all other seating is taken! At first, I wasn't too worried as I was still dreaming of a nap! But wouldn't you know, the movie was interesting! So, I had to sit cock-eyed in the seat just to see around the mammath head! And but of course, every time I found a somewhat decent position, the women would move again! And what could be worse?? Well, how about a snot nosed misfit sitting behind you kicking your chair and pushing as hard as those little legs could into my back! The kid was 8yrs old or about there so you would think he would know better! I doubt this brat had NEVER been to a movie before. The mom would say "Honey, stop kicking the chair, it's making too much noise!" about it's causing me "Shaken Krissy Syndrome!!!" Never mind that my still sore neck looked like a bobble head and never mind the numerous death looks I turned around and gave the shit holes!!! Finally, the mom must have felt the knives I was throwing at her cuz she finally told him to stop! Yeah, half way through the damn movie!!!!

Then in the car I had some major road rage! Rage that made my horns poke out of my head and made the girls giggle at my temper tantrum! I tell you what, I shouldn't wake before 7am. This is not the best idea if I don't want to spend my life in prision!!!!

But seriously, are parents that lazy or that stupid to allow such rude behavior from the spawns??? Idiots!!!!

Next on the agenda is taxes! Oh joy! And then the dreaded homework! Woe is me!!!! And now my seeminly child like hubby is sitting on the couch saying "Oh boy, what a day!" or "Oh shit, it has been a rough one!" and expecting his wife to pay an ounce of attention to him! Huff!!!! Doesn't he know that I have dealt with bitch moms and monster children all day?????

So, I think I will add some laughter here because I need some sort of laughter right now! Or-I'll-Beat-My-Head-Into-A-Wall!!!! These stupid people around me are slowly killing me!!! A slow, drawn out death!!! I think I'm crabby again!!!
Are you smiling????
Only if I can use this flux capacitor to go back in time and injure a certain few mothers!!!!!


Mike Golch said...

If I had a flux capacitor I'd go back in time to invest in IBM back in the 1950.that way I'd would not have to worry about pinchung the pennies now.

Amy said...

Oh Krissy, I feel your pain, times 4!

Anonymous said...

Ugh, it's not so much the kids I get peeved with - more their mothers who smile as their little angel destroys everything in sight. You know, the mothers who refuse to stop said little angel from destroying everything in sight.

I honestly think if that had been me, I'd have turned round in the movie theater and said in no quiet voice, "Stop your little brat kicking my chair before I kick your ass bitch!"

Moms like that annoy the CRAP outta me!

FUN-ky Mama said...

I have no sympathy for you. I took my girls to see the Hannah Montana movie today. It.was.pure.TORTURE!!!!

Nickie said...

Parenting 101--I really do have to teach that to many people who grace my door.