Thursday, January 31, 2008
We were in one of the many tatoo parlors we entered yesterday (shopping around). Lynard was getting her ear pierced at this particular parlor and Ducky wasn't ready for her. So, I decide to strike up a conversation for all to hear!!
There was a young tatoo artist there, but he was shy and I don't think he would play with me! Then there was the owner who was whining about back surgery next week, he could work! Then there was a old white haired, harley looking, biker thug who had a white beard all the way to his nipples! Yeah, I don't think I should mess with a man who rides with a biker gang! Plus, upon further inspection, I realize that he has food crusted into his white beard! Ack! Probably a little french fries, a whopper, perhaps a small child and I'm pretty sure Jimmy Hoffa was buried in there somewhere!
Anyway, so I say to the owner:
Me: "If you did my tatoo, and it hurt....I could probably kick your ass since your back is already broken (broken disc or something stupid)?"
Owner: " Nope, I was in the Navy Seals (probably like 50yrs ago but whatever) and even with a broken back, I could still whip your ass!"
Me: "I was in the Navy Seals too.....don't you recognize me?! I'm Demi Moore! I shave my head and everything for the Seals!"
*Everyone blankly stares at me and I hear crickets chirping in the background! The old guy with the "food savor" beard grunts!
Owner: "I met Demi Moore one time, and trust me, you ain't her!!"
Me: "Whatever, I could still kick your ass! I did kick boxing, I've sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons and I could totally "Yoga Booty Balley" your old ass!"
*More crickets, another grunt from Old beard man!
Owner: "Uh, huh!"
Me: "I sell sex toys!!!"
*Hmmmm...this gets quite a few happy glances, owner perks up a bit and old beard man makes a Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunt this time!! Ahhh-Haaaa! I've just sparked their interests!! Lynard starts to go through her "purse" (which could house a small family) looking for a catalog!!
Owner (and everyone else): "Really, tell me about it!!!!"
Well, old beard man was getting some more tatoo's! This time on his leg! So, the old gent' walked around in his boxers for a moment! I was agahst!!! Oh NO! What if something plays peek-a-boo with the trap door in the front of those boxers! I would have to burn my eyes out! Poke them out with hot knives or something! Good Gracious!!!!! Well, lucky for me I didn't see anything (not that I was looking....I was more running for the door) and I still have my eyeballs! But, I was deeply wounded by the thought of it! I may need thearpy for that one!!!
As I told you, I wanted the Green Bay Packers thingy on my ass cheek (or right above anyway). I was going to have them actually scetch on the "Packer Fan" until I called hubby and he said:
Hubby: "Do you really want something that says "Packers" on your ass?"
Me: *laughing* "No, I guess I didn't think of that....."
Hubby: "Because I could always "Pack"......."
Me: *interuppting his disturbed mind* "Shut Up Perv!"
There were 2 men at my tatoo parlor (note how I claim it as "mine" even though I have no desire to return!) putting in a pool table. They heard my request for the Packer's tatoo so they teased me about putting on some Vicking (or ViQueen) horns in honor of the Minnesota Vikings; the Packers arched enemy!
I threatened their exsistance!!!!
Sadly, this is a typical day for me!!!!!
Let's take a vote!!!
You can choose one of the following and put your answer in the comment section!!
Do you think I am:
a) Mentally Challanged?
b) psycho...my mom obviously did acid when she was prego with me?
c) In need of a CAT scan?
d) Fun as hell!!
e) all of the above!
I don't really know if I want to see the outcome but whatever!!!!!!! Hey, don't forget to tell your blog friends about me either!!! I need some love!!!
And if you know someone in the South Dakota area (Iowa, Minnesota), send them my way! I want to have a "blogger girls night out!" Geesh, I ask for a lot, eh??????
I'm still not sure what the "F" is up with spell check, but it's totally peeing me off!!!!! Enjoy the spelling errors! :-)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
NOTE~Spell Check isn't working and I suck at spelling.....so please tolorate it this time!!! Thanks!
Have I ever told you about "Wacky Wednesdays"? Well, let me tell you now! Me and my friend Lynard spend every Wednesday's doing something totally outragous and fun. We have rode the carosual at the mall, we have hung out with oversized cows, we have stopped suddenly just to jump out and mess with a man in a costume advertising their business. All the while, we take pics and send them off to the poor souls who have to work and are holed up in an office (my hubby!) This is my time with my friend, who is very, very much like me! We have a flipping blast!!
Me playing with the "naughty" stuff at Spencer Gifts!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
10. You can make your hubby swoon just by taking off your bra!
9. You can get the attention of the mechanic who is trying to screw you over on your bill. A little more cleavage, a little more flirting, a little more provocative and poof....you get your way!
8. Your baby would never go hungry and you could probably feed a daycare if need be!
7. If someone asks for directions on a cold winters day and you don't want to take your hands out of your pockets to point the direction, you could use your boobs like "The big Boobed lady" in the "Simpson Movie". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvDOr4_nzIo)
6. If someone pisses you off, just nip out and you could take out their eye in vengeance!
5. You will always get some sort of attention from your boobies at the bar!
4. You can complain to your hubby that your back hurts from carrying around your monstrous boobs all the time and there is no way you can finish the laundry today!
3. If you come upon a car accident and are a good citizen, you can always use your boobs as a neck brace and save the person from being paralyzed!
2. You can play the drums on your own titties!
1. You can draw your name in the sand at a beach by just taking off your bra!
Top 10 reasons Big Boobs suck!
10. Victoria Secrets is your own personal hell because nothing from that store ever fits correctly!
9. Ugly, drunk guys find big breasts as an invitation to talk to you and fondle you!
8. Cute shirts are a fantasy and pretty bras are a dream!
7. The act like a bib and all food is magnetically attracted to your whoppers!
6. Upon taking off your bra, a small buffet of food falls out!
5. New babies lips are instantly attracted to your girls even though they have been dried up for years!
4. No one takes you seriously, especially if you are blond.
3. You can lose weight but your heifers always makes you look bigger!
2. Somehow when eating, your boobs always touch the plate and you always have a stain on your shirt (usually where the nipples are located)
1. You hubby likes to play the "bongo's" on your feeders!
Don't forget to check out my award below and go give some Internet love to these sassy girls:
In case you needed to know!
This pic may be disturbing! Sorry!
*note* This is NOT me!!!
One more thing....Please leave me a comment! Amanda, you sweet thing you....we need to party more often and Nickie is the comment Queen. Now, you two run your sweet asses out and make a BLOG!
I got my first blog award! ::::tear:::
Don't laugh and call me pathetic (I see you!).....this is a special honor for me because some people like me......they really really like me! Ha.....to all the naysayers who never said I would amount to anything; "IN YOUR FACE!"
:::Drum roll please:::
"I would like to thank my family for supporting me and my blog and never complaining much that I spend way to much time on the computer! For my friends for coming and commenting, you RAWK! I would like to thank my dogs for graciously not barking and giving me my time I need to become the person I have become. I would especially like to thank God for giving me life! My parents for giving me the gift of gab and my sense of humor, even as sick as it is! And to my blog friends who haven't tired yet of me talking sex! And to sleeping mommy (http://www.sleepingmommy.com/) for honoring me with this award!!! I'll see you all at the red carpet"
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Listen hear Mr. Winter....your pissing me off Old Man! Haven't we had enough??? Isn't it bad enough that my nostrils freeze shut after stepping out into the brisk cold or must you add a big fat layer of snow and ice to keep it interesting? My fingers are purple, my eyelashes have broken off, even the hair on my legs stays hidden (which is a nice break from shaving) however, I cannot stand my toes going past the point of "cold" to "My toes fricking hurt!".
Do you think I enjoy wrapping my child up in layers upon layers every single day, adding at least 2 hours to our routine? Do you think I love mopping up the melted mess on my floor everyday or that I enjoy playing hide and seek with a mitten??? You are a "cold-hearted" ole' fool! I think Mr. Summer should just kick your frigid ass!!!!
This is NOT pretty!
(Ick....Now that's Dirty Snow!!)
My ass is bruised from the numerous falls your white shit has caused! My dog's have ice hanging off their butts, my child looks like Ruldolf! I'm forced to wear 10lbs more clothing which only makes me look fatter and are so not posh! My electricity bill doubles and my temper triples from being holed up in my house all day!
Please, for the Love of Disney, Give me a break!
(Well, that sort of break would work nicely for me too! )
The best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while....
A poem by:
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
Ahem. Ahem.(clears throat!)
"SHIT IT'S COLD!"
http://functionalshmunctional.blogspot.com/This is Grandy....and she is dandy! I love this lady...she is a good bloggy friend. XXOO Grandy
http://mom.buttermouth.com/ Oh Mommy...the sweetest thing since rock candy! She is totally adorable and pure of heart! I love OhMommy!
http://smitty76.blogspot.com/ What a doll...she is very talented and I love reading her blog!
http://wfgthinksoutloud.blogspot.com/ This Chicky makes you want to plant a garden and cook from scratch all at the same time. Definitely food for thought!
http://www.sleepingmommy.com/ Sleeping mommy is the one who started me on "Why we love Him Wednesdays" and we are frighteningly similar.
http://momof4girls.blogspot.com/ We share the world of pre-teenagers. Isshhh...I wonder if we are both going bald as well!
http://www.alimartell.com/ Laugh out loud sort of blog....funny and witty! You won't be disappointed!
http://millermayhem.blogspot.com/ She is the Queen of Mayhem and writing. And has a pretty head of hair on her too.
http://preddygirl-livingoutloud.blogspot.com/ She thinks out loud and is very clever! Lots of fun here!
http://www.blondemomblog.com/ Blonde mom is a nice, sweet charming girl. I heart her blog!
http://luvmydoxies.blogspot.com/ This lady has me thinking....and that's good. Keeps the cobwebs out of the ole' brain!
http://mjgolch.blogspot.com/ Mike is a man who has gone through he fair share of hardships however, he survived. I like him because he was rooting for the Pack!
http://gingerbreadaholic.blogspot.com/ Martha Stuart doesn't stand a fighting chance with Lois. She could make swamp mud look good!
And last but not least:
http://anecdotes.typepad.com/ This lady has swamp pets! And their adorable...oh just go look for yourself!!!
Ohhh...I hope I didn't forget anyone.....ooops, I did!
YOU! Get your butt blogging! It is fun, it's cheaper then therapy (even though mine is free thanks to my wonderful friends) and it's F-U-N! Nickie...you need to get your bump moving on a blog. You are the Queen of Mouth and you would be wickedly funny!!!! Blog-Blog-Blog!
I'm not good at hyperlinks and keep in mind that I'm partially brain dead most of the day so don't get mad if I didn't do it correctly or that my blog looks generic. I've recently found out that there are apparently some rules that virgins need to follow. I have never been one to follow rules so this sorta sucks the big one for me! If I have broken such rules....forgive little ole' me! If you don't forgive me...I'm sending Nickie and Lynn out to get you! Grrrrrrrr....here them Roar!
What's that....You want a funny Picture again. OK! I am to please!
Now....I certainly don't want this to become a Political blog because I get overheated when discussing politics! However, I am going to add for lack of better judgement that I do not have a problem with President Bush! There....I said it....disagree if you want! That's the beauty of living in the Grand ole' U.S. of A; your entitled to your opinion! But this picture makes me laugh out loud!!!!!
My tip for the day??? Well, brain is taking a short intermission today so I will have to find a quick one!
How about have sex tonight, make it worth your time, and note how you feel afterwards! Did it make you feel relaxed, happy, sad, mad, etc. Then analyze what your feelings were. Ex. If you felt relaxed, then perhaps sex is a good thing for you. If you felt mad, perhaps you need to explore the reason for such emotions! If you have any questions, do like my other friends do and email the question. I will do my best to help answer! Remember, I am not a sex therapists however, I've been told I'm better! Ego boost!!!
Have a good day and thanks for the support! Smooches!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I've already cleaned, the toilets are scrubbed, the laundry is getting done, the dogs are sleeping (after I gave them each a benedryl) and my Diva is at school, then off to Logo's. Hubby is hard at work having a bad day, which in turn used to make me have a bad day as I always felt bad for him, but because of this whacky life of blogging, I feel fine. I have approximately 2 hours to do nothing but blog....do some laundry....blog....poke the dogs to make sure their still breathing...blog.....give CPR to the dogs.....blog....throw away the benedryl so I never have to give mouth to mouth to a canine again....then blog about giving mouth to mouth to a canine!!! Oh yeah, I will stop for a potty break every now and then too!
*note...I don't want PETA stopping by or anything...I did not give my hyperactive pooches benedryl, but I have considered it.....ALOT! Do you think PETA would approve of this????
"mooo"ve over, I can't see shit!"
Throughout the day I also do a lot of gabbing with friends on the phone; usually as I clean! I gave up whistling while I work, I gossip while I work. As interesting as my gossiping can be ("Did you know she's doing him" or "Did you hear about so & so?"), it is not near as interesting as this!
I'm vertically challenged....I think I hear my calling!!!
I got a email awhile ago...I don't know who the hell this man is but this is what he wrote!
"Hey, any chance we can set up a demonstration for some of the products that you've been selling? I'll be honest, the only basket that I'm interested in is yours! Write me back if you're into a discreet meeting. It can be our little secret. "
Sure Ass...meet me on the corner of "KissMyAss Ave." and "NoFrickingWay". This was in reference to me selling Love Baskets for Partygals! So, I politely replied back this:
"You are a dumb S.O.B. and I assume you are so flipping ugly your shadow is ashamed of you! You probably stink to high heaven and wear overalls when you dress up! I'm sure you share dentures with your dog and most likely lick yourself clean too! Don't ever assume that someone as precious as me would ever give your fat, man-boobed ass a chance in hell! BTW...I am flattered that you picked me to be your "secret"!" :-)
Just Kidding! Ha, Ha~This is what I really wrote back!
"I'm afraid that I do not do any private shows nor do I do anything other then sell the products PartyGals has to offer. My limitations are just that.....so if you are interested in any other means of satisfaction perhaps you should look elsewhere. I'm interested in finding out how you received my email address or how you misunderstood my business? It would be helpful so in the future I can avoid such things as this. Honestly, I am very married, very happy, and very much against adultery. I'm sorry you misunderstood this. If you are interested in products from PartyGals, please go to the website where you can discreetly order from there. www.partygals.biz There are many different products that may help you in your search."My hubby, my oh so wonderful hubby, told me to tell him:
"Sure, after a $2000 order and a valid Credit Card number. I'll meet up with you!"
Obviously he was kidding (I think) but it was humorous anyway!
Now for the important question??? Does anyone else watch CSI NY???? I'm confused and I need to know. Is Danny and Montana still humping or not????? Please, Please.....If by chance the producers happen to come across my blog....please for the love of God....Let them still be lighting up the bedroom! Does anyone know the answer????
Have a great blogging day!
This Button is from Sleeping Mommy (http://sleepingmommy.com/?p=412). She started a thing called "Why We Love Him" Wednesdays.....I decided it would be fun!
Most of you know my stud muffin hubby and most of you can see that we compliment each other a lot. I'm his yin.....he's my yang. I'm Tweedle....he's Dee. I'm he's love...he's my muffin! You get the point. Many a people have mentioned how much we love each other and how sweet it is! Awwww.....
I love this man for more reasons than can be explained. First, to inform you if you didn't know, Diva is not hubby's biological child. Nope, I had a whirlwind (and stink bomb) relationship with a "Cowboy" (if that's what you want to call him). The end results.....me pregnant and him running for the hills. This is the short version! My kidney doc wanted me to abort the pregnancy for health reasons, the father wanted me to abort for selfish reasons. I choice life and was adamant that I could handle this baby! And I could! My supporting family obviously helped me out a ton but still.....I was one determined single momma. Diva was about a month old when my friends dragged my post-baby blues out and about. My mom dressed me, me protesting the whole time. I didn't want to leave my baby. Finally, after hiding in a closet, crying like an infant, and pushy friends....we headed to the bar. I had no desire to find a man as I thought they were all ass-cheese. Well, long story short.....Craig swept me off my feet and took to Diva like she was his from the beginning. I didn't want him to play daddy, but he did anyway. 10yrs later....we are the perfect little family and the bond between daughter and dad is amazing. BTW....my dad, my best buddy, is also my step-dad (I hate that saying) and I'm one lucky daughter to have him!
I wish you could have been there shopping with us! It was classic. Me and hubs at the Goodwill while he's trying on shoes and dresses. He wanted a short denim skirt but I protested when you could see the "hardy boys" peeping out underneath. There were kids present at the party and I didn't feel like scarring other people's children for life.....not that night anyway! We were laughing so hard and we got some disgusted looks from some old people and some other men were googling hubby! Then we went to find the clip on earrings. Yeah, never go to the Goodwill for earrings. I found a pair, pulled them off the plastic holder and was playing with them. Then I looked closer to see that there was some bloody goo from the prior owners ears. I threw those suckers down like they were on fire and pulled out my Peril and vigorously rubbed until my skin was flaking off. Hubs....well....he turned about 8 different shades of white. Ick!
The funny part about this night was watching Diva stare down her dad in utter embarrassment. I convinced her to help dad with his make-up....but she was very disturbed about his appearance. Of course, being the tease hubby is......he told her he was going to her school dressed like this. Diva cried...taking him seriously. Here's a pic of Diva putting on make-up!
I better save some things for next Wednesday. I am a blogging fool and I know there are a lot of posts but...well...it's my blog so deal with it! :-)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Let me regress a bit! There are times when we are tired, we are scorned from having to play super mom all day and doing the nasty with our partner is really not the first thought we have before hitting our heads on the pillow. However, sometimes we play nice and give in. It's no big revolution to us that men love it when we get turned on by them and they love it when we "have" the big one! So, we fake it with high hopes that it will be faster then quick so we can get some shut eye. I've done it, you've done it (yeah you, I see you shaking your head in denial!) and our mother's mother has done it (ewwww...granny getting her freak on isn't an image that I like to have in my head but you get the point!) I call this the "safe faking" zone!
Now, if you are constantly doing the "oh baby, oh baby, oh" and boosting your man's ego when truly it isn't an award he is meant to have then the problem is that he remembers these "mountain moving" (so he thinks!) moments and the next time you do the bedroom samba he subconsciously goes right to that exact spot. In return, your faking it again and pretending to be so hot a fire extinguisher is needed. This happens again, and again, and again. So, why are you denying yourself the right to that mountain moving pleasure. Why not tell him where to go, what to do and how long to do it. No, you don't have to be shouting out orders and becoming the moment killer. There are gentle arts to this! Something like "That feels great darling, but can you try here instead?" or "Let's try this tonight to change it up a bit". Put the big girl panties on and buck up! Stand strong as you are entitled to a little "mmm...mmm...good" now and then too! Sex shouldn't be just for him, it's a mutual thing and if it was meant to be alone.....then we would all be married to blow up dolls or battery operated toys! If you are a woman who cannot get the "O" no matter what your partner does....then seek out a toy and potions that are suitable for you both!
Make a promise to yourself that you are entitled to a little fun too and damn it......you will get it! Let your hubby feel all warm and gushy inside because he did make his woman roar with delight! Save yourself from the boring bed moments and make it right so you enjoy it!
Because I brought up Granny Sex: Here's a funny!
It's still blistering cold here in S.D. I braved the winter blast and went shopping a bit today! This was a mistake as my fingers and nose are both still frozen! It's a crappy "Winter Wonderland"
Stay thawed if your near by!!!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Anyway, guess who is the running for some goodies from a PartyGal! The first gift I give is going to be NICE! NICKIE, you are my first pick so far!!!
Have a nice day!
I'm going to do some surveys! This will be a fun way to readers/customers to read about other people's relationships without feeling weird about talking to others. This is great for the shy and guarded who feels talking sex is taboo!
So far, I have a few takers that are willing to divulge information. They are a bit frightened, as they should be, however it will be a quick and painless process! So, this will all be coming up in the near feature! I'm excited about this as it will help in my business.
I was thinking about some more tips and felt that this tip is important. It is most important to me and my hubby! My best tip for others is to in fact, research sex topics. This is obviously a good place to start. I am an open person so therefore, I am not embarrassed to speak the sex language. Luckily, my friends are comfortable about talking sex too. Some of our get-togethers have been humorous but educational. This may not seem like a great tip, but it is! You will find by talking to others or reading about others that you will be more inclined to try new things or explore more options. Personally, I think that potions that help get the most out of your orgasm and toys are crucial to some marriages. There are lots of woman who have never experienced pleasures by simply being intimate with a partner. I feel that a lot of this has to do with communication however, there are times the man cannot quite hit the spots. There is nothing wrong with this, nothing at all. It does not reflect upon his manhood and it does not make him incompetent to your love making. If you include your partner with the toy, he will feel a sense of worth that you are in fact, enjoying your time together more! This is research that I have already done and questions already asked. Yes, there are still men out there who will have nothing to do with sex toys. I'm working on that!!!! However, if you speak to others whom you trust to talk too, they may just have useful tips. It's not uncommon for us woman to have the same reactions about sex! So....talk sex to your friends, and your friendship will grow to a new level as well!
Here's a funny for you though so you don't leave here disappointed!
Could you imagine telling your child's school what the address was or worst yet...teaching your children that you live on Kitchen Dick Rd? Crazy stuff!!
Don't forget to comment....it's easy, fast and best yet it will make me really happy!
And there is something else....I have met a sweet bloggy friend. Her name is Fussypants and she is pure genius with her blog. She is also the queen of photo shopping. She has taken time to email me some helpful suggestions and is at my beck and call whenever I need her (well, maybe not that far but she is still generous with her time). Visit her, leave a comment for her too and tell her I sent you! She never disappoints! www.fussypants.typepad.com
Thanks for visiting, and don't forget to email if you want something from PartyGals with a nice discount courtesy of me! Stay tuned for free give aways as well....to win you have to comment though, or your shit out of luck for winning the goods!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
We were driving along, jamming to Hannah Montana, when suddenly she screams at the top of her lungs! “Ahhhhhhhhhh, mom, mom, mom, it’s a MOM, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s a deer!” So I react like any other scared shitless mom would do and slam on the breaks, screeching to a halt, closing my eyes preparing for the worst, dropping the “f” bomb like no tomorrow. Finally, the car comes to a stop and I get control of myself. “Where, where is the damn dear?” “Over there! (pointing towards a field)”. Yep, it was a deer alright, about 300ft away staring straight at me! Obviously she felt that the deer had superman powers and could run faster then a speeding bullet! On the opposite side of the road are a bunch of cows, looking towards us. I swear, one of those “heifers” actually had the gull to roll her eyes at me!
I am on a roll with this blog thing! I mean seriously, I could do this all day! So, if you think I don’t have a life…..well darn it……I don’t! Deal with it!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I'm so jealous of those ladies that have lots of bloggy friends. Why can't it be me???? I know some people are to private to talk about sex and some others find it vile that I even speak about it but hell, we all do it!
I'm like Blanche on the Golden Girls. Does anyone else watch this show? I love it! Blanche is my idol and I swear I will be just like her in my golden years!!
So, what is the big deal to talk "sex"? Seriously, we all do it and we all like it (most of us anyway). Is it that terrible to speak about the horizontal mambo? It's nature and it was meant to happen. Women reproduce and lets face it....if it wasn't for us the population would certainly die out. We all know men couldn't squeeze a watermelon with shoulders out of their twinkie! So, it is so bad that I have products that allow women to enjoy the job they were meant to do?
Anyway, I have a date with my friend to go get my hair cut and then I have to do the "good mommy" thing and work at the school! Just so you know, I started Partygals for my diva. I make great money selling sex toys, makeup, spa products, and potions. So, in return I can spoil my diva even more then I did before and still be here for her! It's perfect! Diva thinks that I sell make up and lotions (which isn't a lie) but she doesn't know the rest, obviously. My parents know what I do and they say all the power to me! I made a rule with them though, I will never, ever sell them a damn thing. Ack! If you knew my parents though, you would understand why I say this. They are fun, outgoing and outspoken just like me. I LOVE my parents!
Tip: If you are having troubles having the big "O", then try a toy. A bullet is a small toy and very inexpensive. You can use it with your partner or by yourself in the shower! It has many different ways to use it. Email me if you want those tips! I don't find it appropriate to say it on this blog. Or have a party, I express many cool things there!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
If you want 20% off any one product, then you must email me so I can order it for you! Email me to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I will get your info through either phone or email and then I will give you your discount. Something I totally suggest for anyone.....Pheromones. Ohhh....you will love the way it entices your lover, makes him drool all over you and tends to make women relax. This works well with the crabby people in your life. And if that isn't enough, it will calm children. Each person has their own unique smell when using it and it ALWAYS smells good as it reacts with your bodies own chemicals. This stuff is very powerful and very necessary! You will never need perfume again even though you can wear both pheromones and perfume together.
On a side note....all transactions are safe with me, so when you use your credit card, I will usually have you send me half of the number in one email and then the rest in a second email. After I make the transaction, I delete all your information. If you are interested in ordering some stuff but don't feel comfortable with giving me your cc info, then email me and I will work something out with you!
Look through the website though, you are sure to find something that you love. Oh, and I mustn't forget to add that I am also a GirlyGal consultant which is all spa and makeup and we have GirlyKids as well which is wonderful for little girls. Check it out!!!!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Then my EMT hubby who confuses EMT with MD thinks that he can diagnose me and will be able to fix me without any meds. I won’t take you on the tour of his demented mind however I will say he is a sick, perverted man! Gosh, I love that man!
I took it all in stride though and thought it was quite funny. I made it home by midnight and slept like a baby! No hangover the next day, which just proves that I am a Party Animal! LOL
Well, I think it’s time to wrap my neck in bacon and curl up on the couch for some R&R until Diva gets home, conquer homework, consider making supper (could be Pizza), do laundry, get kid ready for bed, etc. *Sigh* No rest for the weary!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
So my sister-in-law (whom I love) gave Diva a rock tumbler for Christmas! Oh, Diva had a twinkle in her eye upon opening this gift. You could see her gears turning trying to remember every stinking rock she has shoved in a dresser draw she dubbed “Rocks Only”. Yep, she even designated a whole drawer for them, leaving her undies virtually homeless! *Sigh*
So, my hubby, being the wonderful sensitive guy he is, was equally excited about this gift because it has a motor and lets face it, anything with a motor excites my man. So, after getting Diva all excited thinking she was going to make diamonds with this contraption, hubby reads the directions only to find out it takes up to 3weeks to “Polish” your rocks (no punt intended). What??????
So, genius sets it up downstairs in our once comfortable basement. He turned it on and all I heard was “GRRRRRRRRR, GRRRIIIIINNNNNNDDDDD” . Fabulous! So, we shut the door hoping we wouldn’t hear the stupid thing. Then my hubby leaves for work, and will be gone overnight. I’m stuck listening to the sound of “hell”. Now, a normal person would unplug the thing and transfer it to the garage. I, am not, a normal person. Actually, these last few days I have been rather lazy! So, there was no way I was going to stomp down those stairs (because I would have to come back up and that is WAYYY to much work), grab the hell maker, and take it out to the garage, which by the way, is so full from basement stuff I don’t think a fart could fit in there!
So, I just do what any lazy, non-normal person would do…..I turned the fan on in my bedroom so it would drown out the sound of “hell”. Problem solved! I’m a miracle worker! And in the daytime, I just turn the T.V. up to a deafening volume.
I have a little “Stupid Me” story for y’all! Yesterday I was talking on the phone (like I do everyday) to my friend, Lynard Skynard. She was telling me a story, and my Attention Deficit started acting up. I was only half listening when I remembered, “Oh Crap, I have to call my dad back”. So, the wise one I am, I started looking for the cordless. I was searching under the couch, the dogs, the rugs, everywhere looking for the stupid phone. A panic attack was fast approaching because I CAN’T lose the phone, it is my only connection to the outside world. Finally, after sweating profusely and using words that would make a sailor blush, I realized that the phone was attached to my ear (it’s home!) and Lynard was still talking. *Slap myself on the forehead yelling “Duh”*
Tip: Channel in your teenage “rebellious” years. Take a drive with your mate, find a deserted road, and rock the car! It’s exciting and new all at the same time. *Note: I only promote safe sex! This needs to be stated. Most of my tips are for old, married couples who need some excitement or for boyfriends/girlfriends. If you are sexually active with different partners, for God’s Sake, make sure you are using protection and wrapping the goods. I don’t judge people on their sexual activities however, as any grown person with a half way sane mind knows that sex isn’t worth your life. Okay……better safe then dead with HIV.