So, I was on my way south to take my Diva to my parent’s house tonight (because mom and dad get to sneak off to the cities) and she gave me a dang nabbit heart attack!
You see, because we live in the boondocks, you are always on high alert for deer committing suicide and jumping in front of your vehicle. So, I have trained Diva to always be on the look out. Really, the true reason I do this is to occupy her so my ears can have a little R&R from her gabbing (wonder where she got that gift). Nevertheless….she does not disappoint!
We were driving along, jamming to Hannah Montana, when suddenly she screams at the top of her lungs! “Ahhhhhhhhhh, mom, mom, mom, it’s a MOM, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s a deer!” So I react like any other scared shitless mom would do and slam on the breaks, screeching to a halt, closing my eyes preparing for the worst, dropping the “f” bomb like no tomorrow. Finally, the car comes to a stop and I get control of myself. “Where, where is the damn dear?” “Over there! (pointing towards a field)”. Yep, it was a deer alright, about 300ft away staring straight at me! Obviously she felt that the deer had superman powers and could run faster then a speeding bullet! On the opposite side of the road are a bunch of cows, looking towards us. I swear, one of those “heifers” actually had the gull to roll her eyes at me!
We were driving along, jamming to Hannah Montana, when suddenly she screams at the top of her lungs! “Ahhhhhhhhhh, mom, mom, mom, it’s a MOM, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s a deer!” So I react like any other scared shitless mom would do and slam on the breaks, screeching to a halt, closing my eyes preparing for the worst, dropping the “f” bomb like no tomorrow. Finally, the car comes to a stop and I get control of myself. “Where, where is the damn dear?” “Over there! (pointing towards a field)”. Yep, it was a deer alright, about 300ft away staring straight at me! Obviously she felt that the deer had superman powers and could run faster then a speeding bullet! On the opposite side of the road are a bunch of cows, looking towards us. I swear, one of those “heifers” actually had the gull to roll her eyes at me!
This isn't uncommon for my daughter. I have had to do chest compressions to myself numerous times. Sometimes it’s in the middle of the night, when she can’t sleep and feels that no one else should sleep either. It’s always the same blood curdling scream “MOOOMMM!” When you are in a deep sleep, her scream can catapult your butt straight out of bed! When I scream back “WHAT!” it’s always the same thing…”I can’t sleep!” Are you kidding me?????
Sometimes we will be in the car again and she suddenly remembers something soooooo important that she screams “MOM!” If hubby is in the car, then she gets the 20minute lecture of how we could be in a fatal car crash by her scaring the crud out of us like that!!!
I am on a roll with this blog thing! I mean seriously, I could do this all day! So, if you think I don’t have a life…..well darn it……I don’t! Deal with it!
I am on a roll with this blog thing! I mean seriously, I could do this all day! So, if you think I don’t have a life…..well darn it……I don’t! Deal with it!
And for your viewing pleasure and by popular demand.....this is what happens to me when I get too drunk from watching my Packers play (see previous blog entry) and pass out at a friends house......BY 7PM!!!!
1 comment:
You are certainly entertaining! Great blog!
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