Thursday, January 31, 2008

More Firecracker moments!!

So, funny stories about my exciting day yesterday.

We were in one of the many tatoo parlors we entered yesterday (shopping around). Lynard was getting her ear pierced at this particular parlor and Ducky wasn't ready for her. So, I decide to strike up a conversation for all to hear!!

There was a young tatoo artist there, but he was shy and I don't think he would play with me! Then there was the owner who was whining about back surgery next week, he could work! Then there was a old white haired, harley looking, biker thug who had a white beard all the way to his nipples! Yeah, I don't think I should mess with a man who rides with a biker gang! Plus, upon further inspection, I realize that he has food crusted into his white beard! Ack! Probably a little french fries, a whopper, perhaps a small child and I'm pretty sure Jimmy Hoffa was buried in there somewhere!

Anyway, so I say to the owner:
Me: "If you did my tatoo, and it hurt....I could probably kick your ass since your back is already broken (broken disc or something stupid)?"

Owner: " Nope, I was in the Navy Seals (probably like 50yrs ago but whatever) and even with a broken back, I could still whip your ass!"

Me: "I was in the Navy Seals too.....don't you recognize me?! I'm Demi Moore! I shave my head and everything for the Seals!"

*Everyone blankly stares at me and I hear crickets chirping in the background! The old guy with the "food savor" beard grunts!

Owner: "I met Demi Moore one time, and trust me, you ain't her!!"

Me: "Whatever, I could still kick your ass! I did kick boxing, I've sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons and I could totally "Yoga Booty Balley" your old ass!"

*More crickets, another grunt from Old beard man!

Owner: "Uh, huh!"

Me: "I sell sex toys!!!"

*Hmmmm...this gets quite a few happy glances, owner perks up a bit and old beard man makes a Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunt this time!! Ahhh-Haaaa! I've just sparked their interests!! Lynard starts to go through her "purse" (which could house a small family) looking for a catalog!!

Owner (and everyone else): "Really, tell me about it!!!!"


Well, old beard man was getting some more tatoo's! This time on his leg! So, the old gent' walked around in his boxers for a moment! I was agahst!!! Oh NO! What if something plays peek-a-boo with the trap door in the front of those boxers! I would have to burn my eyes out! Poke them out with hot knives or something! Good Gracious!!!!! Well, lucky for me I didn't see anything (not that I was looking....I was more running for the door) and I still have my eyeballs! But, I was deeply wounded by the thought of it! I may need thearpy for that one!!!

As I told you, I wanted the Green Bay Packers thingy on my ass cheek (or right above anyway). I was going to have them actually scetch on the "Packer Fan" until I called hubby and he said:

Hubby: "Do you really want something that says "Packers" on your ass?"

Me: *laughing* "No, I guess I didn't think of that....."

Hubby: "Because I could always "Pack"......."

Me: *interuppting his disturbed mind* "Shut Up Perv!"

There were 2 men at my tatoo parlor (note how I claim it as "mine" even though I have no desire to return!) putting in a pool table. They heard my request for the Packer's tatoo so they teased me about putting on some Vicking (or ViQueen) horns in honor of the Minnesota Vikings; the Packers arched enemy!

I threatened their exsistance!!!!

Sadly, this is a typical day for me!!!!!


Let's take a vote!!!

You can choose one of the following and put your answer in the comment section!!
Do you think I am:

a) Mentally Challanged?

b) mom obviously did acid when she was prego with me?

c) In need of a CAT scan?

d) Fun as hell!!

e) all of the above!

I don't really know if I want to see the outcome but whatever!!!!!!! Hey, don't forget to tell your blog friends about me either!!! I need some love!!!

And if you know someone in the South Dakota area (Iowa, Minnesota), send them my way! I want to have a "blogger girls night out!" Geesh, I ask for a lot, eh??????

I'm still not sure what the "F" is up with spell check, but it's totally peeing me off!!!!! Enjoy the spelling errors! :-)



Don Mills Diva said...

I love that you were messin' with the folks in the tattoo shop - how else to pass the time, really?

OHmommy said...

Do you really sell sex toys?

Kelly said...

Hey there. I'm the chick with the Ordinary Art blog that wants everyone to blog about their body on friday. I just wanted to let you know that if you do decide to go ahead with it, you can e-mail me the link to the post at
I will post a link to your blog on my site. I hope you do it. If so, I'll look forward to reading it.
Awesome blog!

Nickie said...

What a hoot! Tats, sex toys and old bearded men-can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon!! Love the gyno pick!

Huckdoll said...

You are an absolute riot, Krissy! Keep it up, you are sooooo very refreshing in the mommy blog world!!

Sara said...

You seem fun as hell!!! I'd love to hang out with you!

FUN-ky Mama said...

My vote is for D with a little bit of B! ;o)

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