Thursday, January 24, 2008
Ode to Old Man Winter!!!
Listen hear Mr. Winter....your pissing me off Old Man! Haven't we had enough??? Isn't it bad enough that my nostrils freeze shut after stepping out into the brisk cold or must you add a big fat layer of snow and ice to keep it interesting? My fingers are purple, my eyelashes have broken off, even the hair on my legs stays hidden (which is a nice break from shaving) however, I cannot stand my toes going past the point of "cold" to "My toes fricking hurt!".
Do you think I enjoy wrapping my child up in layers upon layers every single day, adding at least 2 hours to our routine? Do you think I love mopping up the melted mess on my floor everyday or that I enjoy playing hide and seek with a mitten??? You are a "cold-hearted" ole' fool! I think Mr. Summer should just kick your frigid ass!!!!
This is NOT pretty!
(Ick....Now that's Dirty Snow!!)
My ass is bruised from the numerous falls your white shit has caused! My dog's have ice hanging off their butts, my child looks like Ruldolf! I'm forced to wear 10lbs more clothing which only makes me look fatter and are so not posh! My electricity bill doubles and my temper triples from being holed up in my house all day!
Please, for the Love of Disney, Give me a break!
(Well, that sort of break would work nicely for me too! )
The best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while....
A poem by:
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
Ahem. Ahem.(clears throat!)
"SHIT IT'S COLD!"