Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Ode to my daughter.....

Dear sweet hormonal, lovable girl....

You are so devious at times that I could just punch myself right in the kisser. However, in the very next second, you look at me with those beautiful blues and pouty lips and I melt into you once again. You are devious because you know that your mother is a complete sucker for you.

I can be mad as hell one minute and then consumed by your charm the next. Your charisma and personality radiate love, compassion, fun, laughter and wickedness. I don't know a person who isn't in love with your humor and quick wit. You are your mothers daughter.

This hormonal stage is going to make me pull out every strand of hair out of my head and I fear your dad is dead serious about a chastity belt he's been on ebay searching and bars on your window. Your eye rolling and mouthiness has gotten you in more trouble these past few months then ever before. Your determination to fight with me or to argue is certainly going to land you grounded for life and me in a padded cell. And even though you have heard the word and know the word "NO", you have coincidentally forgotten what it means. Your manners must have been thrown out the window and replaced with crabbiness.

Yet. You still have those killer eyes that make me weep. And you still have your dad and mom wrapped around your little pinky finger. I won't even get into your grandparents and aunts and uncles because we all know that to them, you can do no wrong.

I have watched you sleep like so many nights before. You are growing up and I don't like it much. I miss my chubby little girl with the sweetest of hugs and kisses. You still give the best hugs ever, but I don't have chubby little legs wrapped around my waist any longer. You are almost as tall as me now. Yet I am so excited for your future. I know with all my heart that you are going to make a difference. You have so much light in you that sometimes it's blinding.

I know that you are full of wisdom however, you do not know all. I argue and fight with you over the stupidest of things because you have a sassy-frass attitude that you are always right. You got that from your father.

A menopausal mom and a hormonal daughter are like oil and water but a mom's love for her daughter is a bond that I will never share with anyone else. You are my girl.....

I can sit here and complain about all your hormonal episodes and trust me....there are days that I do. But today....I sit here with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart.

Today...I read of a sweet baby girl that went to go live with Jesus. She left her weeping parents behind so she could breathe freely and struggle no more. I am so stingy...because I wish she was still here with her parents. Although I don't know the hurt they have, I can understand it. Because I could never imagine living a day without you.

And as I sit here, I am listening to your dads pager and I hear of a baby that is in full cardiac arrest and I can sense the panic in the EMT's voices as they try so desperately to breath life back into a infant. A baby. And my heart is in my stomach and my tears are running down my face. The fear and loneliness these parents must feel right now is so scary to me. I can only pray that God wraps his Heavenly arms around these parents and angels.

So. Today my sweet hormonal daughter. I will not argue with you about wearing makeup even though you will not wear makeup in 5th grade and I will not argue about buying you a bra story for another day. I will just sit here and remember how lucky I am and how blessed my life is and I will cry for these families. Yet I will always be grateful for you sweet girl.

I love you my skeeter butt munchkin butt......

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

True to yourself???

"The best way to drain life out of yourself is to have a death grip on your true personality. And if you have never failed at something, then you are NOT trying hard enough."

Do you ever have to deal with the "complainers" or the "back stabbers" or the "whiners" in your life? Or my Gawd....don't you want to smack them straight in the face hole???

I mean seriously. Complain. Groan. Poor Poor Me. And yet. They make No effort to change or to sacrifice just to make things right again. Don't you wanna kick them in the head???

I get down too. There are some really dark times that I have drudged through. I have cried rivers and been on bended knee many times begging and pleading for strength, relief, time, etc. And you bet, I wiped my nose on many a friends shirts and laid across the laps of my family while they console a sobbing bag of mess. I have sat in the sunniest of pastures but seen nothing but dark, gloomy clouds. I have had to walk through the sand to get to the ocean.

I am all about metaphors today.

And I have had to hold my head up and plant a big, sappy smile on my face to just try and pull myself up. And I know that people were sick and tired of hearing me cry and whine. And I don't want to be the one everyone hates to be around. C'mon. I'm a firecracker. I can't be the dreary butt of the group.

And some people did smack me in the face hole and told me to suck it up.

I swear....they did.

But I shoved donuts in my mouth and pretended like I was happy and then I went to the doctor and got put on some happy pills. And they are good. And when you drink alcohol with them, you see little naked leprechauns doing head stands while singing "The Star Spangled Banner."
And then you laugh and laugh and you feel soooo much better however, nobody else sees those silly little men so you sorta look like you just snorted fairy dust. Careful. This can cause some concern.

Anywho. The point to this delusional, effed up story is you make the most of your life. I'm tired of the downers. I feel like shooting them in the foot. I'm sick of the crabs, the cocky asses, the depressed and oh so deprived of life. And I'm not going to deal with it anymore.

"I'm not gonna take it....NO...I ain't gonna take it....I'm not gonna take it anymoreeeee..........."

(name that tune. Seriously, name that tune with the singer bc I forgot who it is.)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

To Spoil or Not to Spoil???

Sheylee on the left and her twin-friend Emily.

My child is spoiled.

She doesn't act spoiled, because she is 11yrs old and nothing is never good enough at this age however, she doesn't brag to all her friends that she has "this" or she has "that."

Some of her friends are poverty stricken. Some of them is because of their own selfish needs, others because they have more then one child and little income. Some because the economy has eaten them alive. Stupid Economy.

I'll tell you right now. My daughter is in dance, will start guitar lessons once she is ready (the instructor feels she isn't ready yet.), has a Nintendo DS, a Nintendo Game Boy (a gift from her Aunt), a Wii (technically, that was my gift but I never wanted one so I'm pretty sure it was my husbands gift.), a cell phone and now a PSP. She has nice clothes and shoes to wear, even though she won't wear them because they feel funny and only wears the scurvy clothes. Bygones.

She has two dogs, one was a present to her that she adores and she truly is Sheylee's dog. She has friends over constantly. We take her places often. We don't do many trips but she has been to Orlando, Fl.

I'm not the only one who spoils her. My parents, Hubs parents, my sister, my sister in law, friends, etc. She is a very loved little girl. Most of my friends have all boys, so they have adopted and spoiled my daughter. This doesn't bother me because the more love, the better rounded.

But I'm afraid we spoil our daughter too. Not just me. It's we. My husband has a hard time saying "no" sometimes too......even though he will deny it. They went to Walmart the other night without me and she came home with a new digital camera. And note. This has already been taken away because of her eye rolling attitude. And I was the meany who did it. Proudly.

We discipline her. She suffers consequences often. We take things away. We ground her and we stick to our guns. She doesn't do terrible things, she is a mouth, but only pushes it so far before she realizes she is tipping on the edge. Usually, she is warned by the evil mom look that I have grown so accustomed to doing. She is a preteen and I understand the phases.

I can say this. I was spoiled too. My mom was very poor as a child. Her dad hauled garbage and many times her Christmas presents and shoes came from trash. She had a fantastic childhood however, she was ridiculed and humiliated by classmates because of her ragged attire. So. She also endured a very abusive relationship to my real sperm donor ( I have no contact with the mother fucker.) Abuse to the worst degree. So. When she finally got the nerve to leave him (he never went to jail even though he through my mom through a plate glass window once. Laws were different then.) and found my new dad (our hero), she started to try and compensate for all the harsh times we had. Oh. And after her divorce, she was severely stalked by a lunatic and would sleep with a shot gun and throw us in closets when he broke into the house several times a week. That's a story for a later day though.

Anyway, I was spoiled. So was my sister. I can say this. I was way mouthier to my mom then Sheylee is to me. I am more of the punisher then my mom ever was. I knew how to irritate snot right out of her. Looking back. I laugh. Now. I cry.

My dad. Not so much the wiener. Oh no. I got a D in high school and I was grounded for 9 weeks. No phone. No friends. No nothing. And I'll be damned if it wasn't the full 9 weeks until he un-grounded me. Ugh.

I like to think that we are better about consequences then my parents. Mainly because my mom didn't do anything and my dad over-consequenced. Yet. I never once got a spanking. Isn't that odd. I was a mouthy little bitch to my mom. I should have sat with soap in my mouth for years. I should still be burping bubbles.

I don't like to say that I am my mother. None of us do. However. I am my mother but I learned more from her then she will ever know. And all those times that she cursed me and told me I would have a daughter "Just like you" I secretly knew it was the truth and braced for this day. Haha momma. I did listen.

Regardless. I turned out pretty okay. I was never rude or disrespectful to anyone. I have a kind heart and a need to help others. My daughter already has many wonderful qualities that will get her along in life just fine.

I may not be lucky.....but I have my blessings. And I'm hoping that my daughter has a kid just like her when she is older too.

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall......I am my mother after all." :0)