Thursday, April 2, 2009
To Spoil or Not to Spoil???
Sheylee on the left and her twin-friend Emily.
My child is spoiled.
She doesn't act spoiled, because she is 11yrs old and nothing is never good enough at this age however, she doesn't brag to all her friends that she has "this" or she has "that."
Some of her friends are poverty stricken. Some of them is because of their own selfish needs, others because they have more then one child and little income. Some because the economy has eaten them alive. Stupid Economy.
I'll tell you right now. My daughter is in dance, will start guitar lessons once she is ready (the instructor feels she isn't ready yet.), has a Nintendo DS, a Nintendo Game Boy (a gift from her Aunt), a Wii (technically, that was my gift but I never wanted one so I'm pretty sure it was my husbands gift.), a cell phone and now a PSP. She has nice clothes and shoes to wear, even though she won't wear them because they feel funny and only wears the scurvy clothes. Bygones.
She has two dogs, one was a present to her that she adores and she truly is Sheylee's dog. She has friends over constantly. We take her places often. We don't do many trips but she has been to Orlando, Fl.
I'm not the only one who spoils her. My parents, Hubs parents, my sister, my sister in law, friends, etc. She is a very loved little girl. Most of my friends have all boys, so they have adopted and spoiled my daughter. This doesn't bother me because the more love, the better rounded.
But I'm afraid we spoil our daughter too. Not just me. It's we. My husband has a hard time saying "no" sometimes too......even though he will deny it. They went to Walmart the other night without me and she came home with a new digital camera. And note. This has already been taken away because of her eye rolling attitude. And I was the meany who did it. Proudly.
We discipline her. She suffers consequences often. We take things away. We ground her and we stick to our guns. She doesn't do terrible things, she is a mouth, but only pushes it so far before she realizes she is tipping on the edge. Usually, she is warned by the evil mom look that I have grown so accustomed to doing. She is a preteen and I understand the phases.
I can say this. I was spoiled too. My mom was very poor as a child. Her dad hauled garbage and many times her Christmas presents and shoes came from trash. She had a fantastic childhood however, she was ridiculed and humiliated by classmates because of her ragged attire. So. She also endured a very abusive relationship to my real sperm donor ( I have no contact with the mother fucker.) Abuse to the worst degree. So. When she finally got the nerve to leave him (he never went to jail even though he through my mom through a plate glass window once. Laws were different then.) and found my new dad (our hero), she started to try and compensate for all the harsh times we had. Oh. And after her divorce, she was severely stalked by a lunatic and would sleep with a shot gun and throw us in closets when he broke into the house several times a week. That's a story for a later day though.
Anyway, I was spoiled. So was my sister. I can say this. I was way mouthier to my mom then Sheylee is to me. I am more of the punisher then my mom ever was. I knew how to irritate snot right out of her. Looking back. I laugh. Now. I cry.
My dad. Not so much the wiener. Oh no. I got a D in high school and I was grounded for 9 weeks. No phone. No friends. No nothing. And I'll be damned if it wasn't the full 9 weeks until he un-grounded me. Ugh.
I like to think that we are better about consequences then my parents. Mainly because my mom didn't do anything and my dad over-consequenced. Yet. I never once got a spanking. Isn't that odd. I was a mouthy little bitch to my mom. I should have sat with soap in my mouth for years. I should still be burping bubbles.
I don't like to say that I am my mother. None of us do. However. I am my mother but I learned more from her then she will ever know. And all those times that she cursed me and told me I would have a daughter "Just like you" I secretly knew it was the truth and braced for this day. Haha momma. I did listen.
Regardless. I turned out pretty okay. I was never rude or disrespectful to anyone. I have a kind heart and a need to help others. My daughter already has many wonderful qualities that will get her along in life just fine.
I may not be lucky.....but I have my blessings. And I'm hoping that my daughter has a kid just like her when she is older too.
"Mirror, Mirror on the wall......I am my mother after all." :0)