Friday, May 30, 2008

Ego booster to continue.....later!

I'm all about getting everyone I know on this ego booster post of mine. Just give me time. It's hubs bday and we are planning a big extravaganzas. So, stay tuned.

Hint: Fibromalygia causes loss of memory and lack of concentration. So I will not purposely forget anyone but you could be a doll and comment for me so I can remember. I love reading all my blogs but I'm so lacking concentration I don't put them in my blog reader like I should. Seriously, look up fibromalygia on WebMD. You will see that I am not kidding.

I have to go for now. I have to buy a gift for Sheylee's teacher, a gift for hubby, some new clothes for Sheylee, some new shoes and clothes for me and lots lots more. The only reason I am sitting here now is because my toenails are drying a dark beautiful blue.........

I'll be back to finish my ego booster because I think we all need a booster once in awhile.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Ego boosters!

I want to do something new. I want to put all my bloggy friends and real friends on this post and explain why I love them and what makes me adore you all. I might not get everyone in one shot.....and I know that there have been some 1X'ers that just stopped by for a moment. But I will try to read the blog anyway and I'm sure I can find a reason to love you. I think we can all use some love and I always feel rich with love when my readers compliment me. So, here we go.

In no particular order:

Kathryn: Kathryn is a Packer fan! That should be enough as why I love this girl but it goes deeper then that. She is a endearing. Always supportive. I have read her comments on other blogs as well and she is encouraging to all. She has a fantastic family and her kids are precious. Her real post about her struggles with her fathers health had me in tears and that is when I really saw through her heart. Very compassionate.

Brittany: One of my sweetest bloggy friends. So very loyal and helpful. When I feel down, I can almost feel her cyber hugs. She doesn't get sick of me and is always there to laugh or play along with me. Doesn't shy away from sex talk and is so witty. I wish she lived in Sioux Falls, SD because I am sure we would be connected at the hip. Does your husband need a new job in SD Brit? And, her monkey's have the cutest cheeks every!

April: What a gift of a friend. Speaks from the heart about the loss of her dad, I felt like I was helping her plan her wedding to her Big D and I loved hearing every moment. Defends me like an army when haters come around. She is so cute. She is in my circle of support groups.

Huckdoll: Well, not much can be said about Huckdoll because you all know her. What a gal! She is blunt and man o man, don't mess with her friends or family. She will tear you up. She is also very tactful. Huckdoll is the adorable and so are her cutie twins. Huckdoll was one of my first friends and I will always be the biggest Huckdoll fan, EVER!

Dysfunctional Mom (most of you only know her by this name): Committed. This girl took a step on a scary side and did something for her health and family. She had a surgery for weight loss. Seriously, if you saw the difference, you would be amazed. She was very worried about what others would think, others would judge her as taking the "easy way out!" But, I know others who had this surgery and only lost a few pounds because they didn't diet and exercise. It is NOT the easy way out. And this chicky is committed and determined. I admire her for it. I don't even know her personally except through blog world and I can say that I am so damn proud of her. She is amazing. Go Cyndi Go!

A bun's life: I could go on and on about this gal. Talk about crappy childhood.....she was there. But this lady took a step above her unthoughtful mother and became a terrific wife and mom herself. She didn't let her past ruin her life. She persevered. She is so caring and so gifted with her writing. She is so great. I love my bun! Caring, neutering, adoring. Special. Love this girl.

Grandy: Oh my Grandy was the first to comment on my pathetic blog. Then she went out and gave me some linky love. And she is always there for me and my hormonal episodes, understanding what I'm going through. She is sweeter then candy. I cannot say enough about this doll. And she is F.U.N.N.Y. And yes....I deemed her "MY" Grandy and I don't like to share.

Tara: Just an amazing bloggy friend. I know the word "supportive" is used a lot but seriously, you have no idea how much the support means to me. And Tara, she is supportive. She is vivacious, she delightful. I don't mean to get mushy or acting all lesbian and all (because I am not....just so the haters don't come out with that rumor about me) but I love Tara!

Kori: Here is a mom and a wife that deserves all the awards in the world. She deserves a Grammy. She is modest and doesn't see herself as strong and courageous. But I do. Her husband has CF and she has to accommodate to that plus her children. She is lively and full of life. I find her to be my hero. I say that because if I dealt with this, I would be mush on the floor. Kudos to Kori!

Laski: Her writing is so clever. I laughed and laughed at her "Ode to Fluffy" post. She has a knack for this blog thing and I must mention her adorable baby as well.....because I love babies. But seriously, I love to read her post because she is so witty and funny. If you haven't been here....go now!

Sandy: Sweet, adorable, supportive, caring, compassionate, cute, personable, A+ gal. She has a lot of readers, but she always responds back to my comment's. Can you believe that? I don't know how she does it, but she is a bloggy Queen.

Queen of Mayham: Another favorite of mine. This sexy red head (note again......I am not lesbian for all the haters) is very frank when it comes to her posts. Again, I pee my pants reading her posts. I think I have bladder problems but that is not the point....she makes me laugh. And her relationship with her hubby resembles my relationship with my hubby. It's just funny to see that.

Okay, for now I must quite because I have to go finish painting my bathroom. But I have a lot more to go. If you are a new bee here, please just comment for me to visit your blog and then link you. I want to see if my gift of pin pointing people from a few words is right on. Does that make sense? Well hell, just comment so I can read your blog and link's that.

Love you a non-lesbian way!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Can the gas pump really screw you up the butt this much?

I have an idea....let's put porn at all the gas pumps so we don't feel like the only one's being screwed. What the hell is up with $4 gallon gas? If the CEO of Exxon were in front of me, I would totally rob him!

I love my car. I have a gold Chrysler 300M and it is my baby. I love this car. Heated leather seats, drives smooth, drives fast, is sleek enough that I get great gas mileage and the engine is so quiet you don't know when it is on. It is paid off, and I refuse to give it up. We considered a more economical car....but I protest and won't get rid of my baby. I even have a name for her...."Hot Shot!" I will drive it until the wheels fall off. Case closed. But I am getting very pissy about the gas prices. Traveling is a thing in the past!

Enough of that! Let me tell you about my weekend. My BFF from Texas was back this weekend. This always spells trouble. We are both crazy gals. Not to mention the other girls that we hang with. So, the girls went our way while the boys played pool. I decided to have a treasure hunt and see if I could get men to give me money. It was fun! I made $65 dollars just by being a drunken fool with big knockers. Is it terrible for me to do this every time I go out? I'm like a stripper that doesn't have to take her clothes off! I think I just found a new career.

I drank a shit load of mudslides, which taste like chocolate malts. This turned into me being drunk off of my hiney. I danced my fool ass off, I'm sure lousy dancing as well considering I fell 5X's by just walking. Then me and my girl decided to try to shimmy up a wall. I got stuck. I had on white pants which are now complete with big green grass stains from my friend having to pull me up the wall. My one friend said "You are definitely the life of the party and I love being anywhere near you!" Ahhhhh! I'm glad I can always make people laugh. It's a gift.

Me and hubby decided to be naughty that night too. We pulled over and had some fun on a dirt road by my in-laws house, where we were crashing. The next day we took it one step further and did it in public, in a wooded park. I felt like a teenager again! It was exciting and adventurous. I challenge you to do the same. Very invigorating.

Tomorrow I am going to paint our bathrooms and work on the basement. Hubs found a different job, thank you God, so he will be working from home. This means we have to get busy. And I am also planning a rummage sell as we have too much shit. Yucky, busy week for me.

I am looking forward to Friday as it is my hubs birthday and we are celebrating big at a bar in Sioux Falls. Last year, he peed in the urinal and puked behind the urinal all at the same time. It was hilarious. But that is about all the fun I have planned for the next month. Otherwise it's all work and no play!

My mood can only be described as "blah" as I am sick of the sickness, but being busy will help. Diva is out of school this Friday so now I have to go into mom "overtime" and try to entertain my needy kid. That or I'll have 4000 children destroying my house. Ugh. I hate school time because I hate homework however, the 8-3:30 break is always welcomed. I do see her spending oodles of time at the pool though, so there is some positives, except for me in a swim suit. That is definitely a negative. Eeekkk!

I'm really going to try to get back to daily commenting but for now I'm trying to deal with my issues. Thanks for all the well wishers, you are all wonderful.

This picture lightened my mood quite a bit, so hopefully it does yours too. I am also planning on my next sex post, which will be a doozy.

Please Forgive me!

Life has a boot in my butt right now and I resemble and chicken with it's head cut off. Between dance, friends, friends from Texas coming and seeing me (and having a blast), throwing up too much mudslides from said friend from Texas forcing me to drink and get drunk, daughter and right now she is a very needy girl, hubby is even needier and dogs are driving me drunk. Parents are parents, and I will be forever grateful for their support but too much support makes me drink. Work is hectic, sickness is worse, and I feel like I am running out of options. And I can't forget the working diligently on the basement....ugh!

I haven't been by your pages recently because either the Internet is down due to lightening strikes or I am so darn tired I'm using toothpicks to prop my eyes open. Please, Please, Please don't think I'm going anywhere and I will be back to my corky self soon enough. We are working hard with the doctors to control all the shit that my body is throwing at me right now. Fibromyalgia sucks the big hairy wank! So, keep me in mind and keep being my friend. I will be back in no time. I know you guys understand. I love you guys!
Here's a picture of my precious, needy, almost ready to get her neck wringed daughter....but she's gorgeous no less!

Rope swinging in some thunderous clouds.

And me not feeling so spunky (and my hubby thinks that I should be in a photo shoot when I feel like ripping off his head and shitting in his neck....not smart)
See you sweet, understanding, compassionate friends soon!!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Our non-traditional do's.......

First, thanks for the well wishes. I haven't been visiting blogs lately because the computer was making the dizziness worse. The light beaming from the screen only set me into more dizziness and more vomiting.....which I don't do so well. I don't like corn shooting out of my nostrils at warp speed. I'm doing a wee bit better, so I can visit a blog here and there. I anticipate more computer time in the very near future though!!

But I am going to jump on board with the other bloggers and tell you all about my wedding to my spectacular man and about a life that is anything but ordinary.

I met my dude right after I birthed my daughter. I had sworn off men. They sucked. After dealing with my daughter's biological father I'm surprised I didn't become a lesbian. Seriously, he was that bad. And the night I met my husband, I was in a state of mind that should have landed me in the loony ward. I had severe depression (post-partum). I was very anal about my new baby. No one but me feeds her, I take care of her, everyone else just leave me the hell alone was my mantra. I didn't want her to think that my mom was her mom. I was crying all the time. My parents, bless their hearts, were trying everything to help me out. They were taking me shopping, to movies, to Bingo, to anything. It wasn't working so well. So, my mom made a decision to get me the hell out of the house without my baby in my arms. She called my friends. She told them to come over and take me out. I cried like a toddler, throwing a temper tantrum and vowing that I would never forgive her for this. I sat in the closet when my friends came to pick me up. My mom stormed the room, found a suitable "going out" outfit and physically dressed me. Then she stuck a wad of cash in my hand, gave me a quick nod and hug, and then pushed my ass out the door. I cried all the way to the bar. My birthing coach, Tom, who was my best friend and cared about me deeply was at his wits end. He decided come hell or high water, I was going to have fun. That meant alcohol. And considering I hadn't drank in a long while, it didn't take much for me to let loose and have some fun.

So, I was out and about and saw Matt, my husbands best friend. I went to school with Matt. I talked briefly about my life, showed pictures of my precious cone-headed baby, and then was going to go on my merry way. Hubby was sitting next to Matt, and was interested in me. I shared a few laughs with him and then found my friend Tom, who was on Krissy Patrol. He didn't see where I had gone and was frantically looking for me. That was it. I went home and swore off ever going out again.

Cue a few weeks later. My friend planned a get-a-way to another city. This cool bar was there. So a bunch of people were going. I was not! Hell no. First off, there was a winter storm brewing. I feared for my life. I was still sad and depressed but was coming out of the funk. But I was still a anal first time mom living with my parents. My mom once again said "Go out. It will be good for you. You need to get out. Don't worry about the baby, she sleeps all night long so whatever time you get back is fine by me." I reluctantly went. Upon arriving at the bar, I had too much to drink again. I was a flirting fool this night. Innocently flirting as I still hated anything with a penis (besides my friends and daddy!) But I was attracting quite a few guys and my BFF was beating them off. Then I saw Craig. There he was. With Matt and Matt's girlfriend. And we began to talk again. And Craig went through a series of questions from my BFF. She wasn't letting some scum back into my life. She was brutal. After her okay, I gave him my number and we left.

The next day he called. He stopped by and was just so cute and so nice. So different. I was impressed and knew that my "no penis" rule was banished. We talked a lot and more importantly, I laughed a lot. He was funny, witty, and cute. Then Diva woke up crying. I quickly jumped up to get a bottle. On my way to feed her, I noticed that she stopped crying. Hmmmm....did she fall back to sleep? Nope, she was nuzzling close to Craig and very contempt to just lay in his arms. I was smitten.

From that day forward, we never parted ways. I loved spending every single moment with this guy. He always put a smile on my face. I love to laugh, and he loves to make me laugh. It was perfect. Diva was smitten as well. Man she loved him. If she had gas or a upset stomach, he was the only one to sooth her. And then my sister had her first baby. And my niece had to have surgery right after she was born. And my hubby sat in the room with my sister and niece, cradling her while she cried in pain. She would only fall asleep on his chest. I was in love with him before that, but it really sealed the deal when I saw that. He loved the 2 people I loved the most. My daughter and niece.

We moved in with him shortly after that. As all couples do, we had our downfalls. We had to draw the line in the sand with each other. I was stubborn, he was stubborn and I am anal, he is not. So, of course there were issues. But he never for a moment took it out on Diva. He loved her with all his heart, and she was his daddy. He loved it. He loved hearing her call him daddy. The bond was tight. But we had to work hard at our relationship.

We were engaged at this point (I'll tell that story later because it is funny!) but I had some doubts about our future. It was bleak. After numerous "break ups" and much bickering, we finally both decided that as miserable as it seems, it would be much more miserable if we weren't together. So, we put away the stubbornness and started loving again. From there on out, we were a happy family.

Then we decided to move to South Dakota. We were not married yet, but the only difference was we didn't have a piece of paper that said we were married. Everything else was the same as a married couple. We chose the house together, we chose the area together, etc. Our intentions were a good school and a safe area for Diva.

After moving up here, I turned 30yrs old. I was miserable. I had a breakdown. I did not want to be 30yrs old. I wanted to be 29 forever. I threw a fit. So, Craig decided for my birthday to go get a marriage license. By doing so, we had only 2 weeks that we had to be married by. It was exciting for me. We decided to go to this little Las Vegas like chapel, and have close friends and family there. I found a great dress for $20 and had the best time in my life finding it. My friend and I made it into a treasure hunt and it was a blast. The day we were married, my guest included around 15 people. It was so sweet and so fun. My dad did walk me down the aisle, and Craig cried. I laughed. It was typical. We went to supper with all after, I had too much wine, and then we went to a hotel to have some fun (bow-chicka-bow-wow!)

A month later, we had a reception. The hall only fit 150people. We had a D.J., food and of course, alcohol. I soon realized that we were way over our capacity of 150 people within a hour of the first dance. It was crazy. We had a freaking blast. Everyone that attended said it was the best reception ever and it was fun. Instead of rubbing cake into eachothers face, we slammed it into my innocent friends face. Hilarious! Our first dance was to "Hero" by Enrique Iglacious (sp?). I danced with my dad, and Craig danced with Diva to a song that honored daughters and dad's relationships. It was truly the best time I have ever had. I got a little tipsy again, but not enough to ruin the second "bow-chicka-bow-wow" night, complete with a heart shaped tub. Cheesy? I know! But it was us.

We have been married for almost 4yrs now. We have been together for 10yrs. And still to this day, the man is my rock. He knows when to make me laugh. Laughter is abundant in this house. And it feels my heart with joy. And without him, I don't think Diva or myself would have the same wonderful life that we do. And to this day, she is still a "daddy's girl" and he is still the best dad in the world. And we are still madly, deeply in love with each other.
The end.

Luckily, he didn't piss me off tonight or this story may have been different! ;-)

Friday, May 16, 2008

Headline: Vertigo has invaded an innocent person's body! Read about it now!

The world is spinning out of control. My stomach is rumbling and tumbling right now because of all the spinning. This sucks.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere: WHAM!

It gets ugly again. The medicine is not to fix the inner ear problem but to help with dizziness. I just found this out. So, ummm...wonderful. Can I get something that kicks Vertigo's ass? Please? Oh, and the funny, ironic thing is this: the meds actually make you have blurred vision and could cause dizziness. Ummm....What? Isn't that the problem right now? It can also cause constipation (been there, done that suppository! Don't ever want to do it again. EVER!), diarrhea (pretty sure this isn't going to work well at Target, when I cannot get to a bathroom that fast and I could explode through my stinky hole....that will be loads of fun.), depression (oh, yipee...can I really be depressed? That would be a dream come true!), Panic Attacks (pretty sure I already have those, but thanks!), dry mouth (if I don't have a hang over and a tattoo that I don't remember getting, dry mouth isn't worth it.) and last but certainly not least, failure to salivate (No Spit? That sounds interesting!)


I'm basically on motion sickness meds. So, if I decide to go on a cruise within the next few weeks I won't have sea sickness or sea legs. This works well......except I'm not going on a freaking cruise anytime soon. So, smack my ass and make me cry.....this blows the big brown eye.

I had good intentions today. I was going to come say hey to all my blog friends today but instead, I'm going to be sea sick on dry land. And the days just keep getting better. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take some drugs that will make me pee some poop down my leg, have cotton mouth, see everything twice, get whoozy and dizzy, and then stick a suppository up my butt after it stops peeing poop.

And it's a glorious, beautiful day out. And I'll be stuck inside until tomorrow when I have to DRIVE to work because the hubby won't be home. Oh, and I have to find a sitter as well b/c the other arrangements fell through because of the flu.

And now cue the panic attack!

Thank you Vertigo! Thank you so very much! RatBastard!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Many have been asking me some questions......

And one of the questions that came up most was if I am worried about online security? Or do I get concerned that others will hunt me down and manhandle me. The answer is no. Actually it is Hell No!

First dogs. These beasts and pain in the asses have many purposes. They are not only fun and lovable. They are not only huge brats that disobey me constantly. They are security alarms with huge teeth. They have drawn blood from their master when they felt me or Diva were in trouble. They need to be locked away in the bedroom if we are going to have a tickle fest with Diva or Hubby is messing with us. Both dogs go on attack and are very protective of us. One sleeps with me and one sleeps with Diva. They may look like harmless creatures and when they are not threatened or we are not threatened they are incredibly sweet dogs. They love everyone who gives them an ounce of attention. However, they are not the sweet innocent creatures you may think they are. Don't.Mess.With.Them.

And then there's me. I may look innocent enough as well. But I am a PissyPants if you screw with me or my own. My dad had me out shooting guns since I have been knee high tall. I am a modern day Annie Oakley. I have blown the nuts off of a paper Bull target. I don't know how far away I was but I was in fact further then a stones throw from it. My dad was very impressed. We have guns in this house and I know how to use them. If you want your nuts blown to smithereens.......come on over here. I dare ya!

I also know how to use a knife. Oh sure, I may have sliced my finger open from cutting a melon last night but if you piss me off and you are a danger to me, trust me, I won't miss your juggler. I will slice you like a piece of warm apple pie. I may end up hurting myself and anything and everything around me, but you will not walk away without a limp.

And I live in a community that have very sceptical, watchful eyes on everyone strange. People knew us before we even looked at this house. I swear! And we always watch each others children. And when we flooded and my husband wasn't home, I made one phone call and had tons of people here in a minute. I guarantee you that if I call and we are in danger, people will come with their teeth in a glass beside the bed and a shotgun in hand. Okay, not all of them have dentures, but a few do.

My hubby loves to shoot animals dead. Just think of what he would do if it was a dangerous person? Amen.

My daughter knows Tae-Kwon-Do and is not afraid to use it. She knows how to scream. I have heard her. She knows how to get out of situations. She is not stupid. Her friends know as well and she is never, ever alone. Ever.

I believe in a eye for an eye. I believe in capital punishment. I believe in toothpicks in the pee hole. I have kicked males in their man-grapes before. Hard. He hurt for decades. I'm pretty sure his grandchildren felt the pain. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot. I enjoyed it a lot a lot.

Now, if you are a ghost or a reptile that slithers on it's stomach, the most I will do is pee on you. I couldn't "Fight Club" a ghost's ass. I don't think shooting a ghost with a gun would do me much good. My Rosary is most likely in the trash with the rest of my priceless stuff that was ruined from the flood, or inadvertently thrown away. Either that or it is packed away in the garage somewhere. I will never see it again.

So, my name is Krissy. My husbands name is Craig and my daughters name is Sheylee (pronounced like Shey=Pray and Lee=er?....Lee or Pee) It means Princess in Latin. I originated it from my own head. I needed something to go with Cheyenne. So her name is Sheylee Cheyenne. It was supposed to be spelled like Shaylee but I was too drugged to realize I spelled it wrong on her birth certificate. So, I dealt with it. I like it spelled like this though cuz it truly is a original. People pronounce it wrong, but just say PrayPee and then insert the Sh and L in place of the P and P. But her real, real name is Stink. That's what we call her the most. Oh, and the "Lee" is my mom's middle name so I wanted my mom's middle name and Cheyenne as a middle name which was really, really hard to do.

Ummm......I would rather suck a fart out of a horses butt before I ever touching a snake. I had a hysterectomy because of endomitriosis(sp?)and a uterus that was 3X's too big (and a ass that is as well!), I have lots of friends that have been my friends since elementary school. I love the smell of chocolate, I cannot do math. I cannot bake worth a shit. I can cook. I hate feet. I hate heights but am not afraid of planes or roller coasters/amusement rides. I love animals. And I love sex. Any thing else?

Have a great day!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

They're back.........

It's that time of the year again. It's the time of year where the snakes are out of hibernation. They are back haunting me. Invading my dreams turning them into nightmares. They are here to stay. And I hate them. I am scared out of my mind. I constantly check where I am walking, never walk in tall grass and know when to not go outside because they will most likely be there.
So I thought I would share a couple of snake stories of mine.

Last year, my hubby and I went on a motorcycle ride with my parents. We headed over to the Palisades. It is a beautiful sight to see. It is so pretty and it is where Jesse James jumped a ravine to get away from the law. It has huge, beautiful cliffs. You can hike on paths that lead down to the river. I know there are snakes there. I have seen them. Last year I accompanied my daughter on their end of the school year event. We hiked and learned about the land. All the while I was searching for snakes. On the way up, just as I was about to take a step, Diva yelled "Mom, look out! Snake!" I looked down in time to see a Bull Snake. A freaking huge one no less. When a Bull Snake gets startled, it rattles it's tail like a poisonous Rattle Snake. I shit myself. I pushed children out of my way, screaming like a virgin on her first night. I almost pushed kids off the cliffs. I couldn't think of anything else but to save myself and my child, whom was getting dragged behind me. Other parents started laughing. Some know of my fear. They laughed so hard one almost pissed her pants. I was in tears. The teacher kindly told me that it wasn't a Rattle Snake (I was screaming "Rattle Snake, Rattle Snake!" while running.) I didn't care. It was a snake. To me, it was a flipping Cobra!!! After that, parents and children taunted me. Throwing sticks at me yelling "Snake!" and then laughing when I went into convulsions. So rude.

I digressed though. So, my hubby, I and my parents hiked this walk. I was petrified. I knew that if there was a snake, my mean ass husband would pick it up and tease me with it. I knew it wouldn't be my parents, because both of them are scared of snakes too. So, I threatened bodily harm to my husband. I threatened to no sex ever again if he scares me with a snake. I meant it. He didn't care. He found a snake alright. It was a harmless Gardner Snake but I didn't give a shit. Me and my mom screamed and started running back up the slippery rocks and the steep hills. My mom got in my way. I pushed her aside and yelled "Get the hell back Old Lady!" I have no shame.

My dad and husband laughed their asses off. They were in tears. My dad was worried that someone called the cops thinking we were being murdered. If the cops would have showed up, I would have lied and told them that they were indeed trying to harm us and sent their asses to jail. I'm not even kidding. I was pissed. And I pissed myself. I had to ride all the way home with a wet spot between my legs. It was so NOT funny.
My daughter is not scared of snakes. She carried a freaking huge ass snake home from the park, wanting it for a pet. I politely screamed from the porch to take that sucker back to the park. She laughed and laughed along with her punk friends. Oh, it was so comical to them. Brats!

I honestly have a huge fear of snakes. A fear like no other. I envision one getting into the house. What would I do? My neighbors are no help. They have seen me yelling obscenities from the yard and screaming bloody murder after seeing a snake. They laugh. Or they are just as scared and run inside locking the doors behind them. They are worthless. Diva and hubby would tease me with them and my parents live too far away. My sister is just as scared, so she would maybe call the cops for me, telling them I was being raped or something. But that's about it. I am alone in my fear.

And then my friend from Texas, the redneck, hunts Rattle Snakes. Is this not the stupidest, most redneck thing you have ever heard???? He sends me pictures, and I puke. What a dumb asshole. Really. I will leave you with the picture of my redneck friend. Proof that he is in fact, that stupid.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Questions me.

So, remember a long time ago I told you to email me some questions and I would try my best to answer them? Well, I got blasted with some questions. Some funny, some serious, some mean. I am not going to do them all right now. Just some of the good ones.

Now, please remember that I am not a doctor. I am not a OB/GYN. Last I checked I wasn't spanking babies on the ass and sticking my fingers up a Woo-hoo to see how far you are dilated. So, I take no responsibility if I give the wrong answers.

Do men like oral sex rough?

I really don't think so. Their Twinkies are pretty sensitive and although most men don't believe in "bad oral sex", I would assume if you are leaving teeth marks, it would hurt.

So, if your nick name is "Wood Chipper", you are probably too rough. Start gumming it. Your not sharpening a pencil.

Do you believe in Karma Sutra?

Yep, sure do. I don't practice it a lot. I have read some decent books about it. I can't remember the names of those books though. I believe that inner peace with any part of your life is a good call. And Karma Sutra is strengthening your inner peace.

Have you ever been caught by your daughter?

Not yet, but there was a near miss moment. I'm still wiping the sweat from my brows. I don't ever want her to catch us either. That's why I make sure she is in a deep sleep before we get the nasty on. Or that she's not home.

I had a bad experience. I walked in on my parents and heard them another time and I should have had counseling after. I was traumatized. Just writing about it makes me ill. Seriously, I wouldn't talk to my parents for days following and avoided all eye contact. My mom would use the bathroom all the time while I was in the shower. Before seeing my mom riding my dad, I didn't care. After the seeing that? I closed my eyes and thought of a happy place.

I don't want my daughter to feel disgusted and bruised as I was. Oh, the thoughts are burning my brain.

I have a vaginal odor that I cannot get rid of. Any advice?

Time to call your local MD. You may have a yeast infection. However, you should know that every women has their own distinct smell and it is natural for odor to occur. Try a feminine spray before sex if you are feeling embarrassed. Also, baby powder in your undies through the day is a good, inexpensive way to help with odor or secretions.

But if you are uncomfortable or there are secretions of different colors, see your doctor.

Do you really think sex is that important to a marriage?

Ask your husband that question. I bet he says yes. If he says no, he's lying. Yes, sex is important. It's a connection to make with your mate. It's a stress reliever for him and if you are having nice orgasms, then it is a stress reliever for you.

I want bigger boobs, are there exercises to help?

Scrunch boobies together and then release and repeat after me:
"I must, I must, I must increase my bust!"
Do over and over and over. In about 200yrs, your "mosquito bites" might have upgraded to a "bee sting."

If you are really that worried about your boobs, the a plastic surgeon is your best bet. However, please read past posts about how big boobs suck. Seriously, I have stains on most of my shirts where food has fallen onto my mounds. They are always in my way, and cute shirts look like I'm wearing barbie clothes. Your back aches, your neck aches and your shoulders ache. So walk around with two melons in a DD bra for a few days and see how you like it. You will soon love your small titties.

What do you think of Hannah Montana posing nude?

Well, since you asked, I will tell you. She is not nude. She is not on a porn magazine and she is not ashamed of her body. Ask a mother who's daughter has an eating disorder how she would feel about this. She would be relieved that her daughter isn't ashamed.

And the truth be told, Diva doesn't even know about it. I control her Internet searching. I put locks on things or I monitor it. So, she won't know. And if she did, I would explain that first and foremost, she is not laying there spread eagle and that she is proud of what she is. She may not be the skinniest girl in the world, but she has a good body image.

I have other things to be concerned about. Like drugs, rape, alcohol, drinking and driving, stranger danger, the war, economy and so on.

Now Jamie Lynn Spears? Just plain sad. I feel sorry for her to be honest with you. She is young and is going to miss out on so much. :( She is a child who is forced to become an adult. Hannah Montana shouldn't be compared to Jamie Lynn. And Billy Ray and his wife are decent parents. Some of you don't think kids should be in beauty contests or models. Other parents love seeing their child shine. It's a difference of opinions.

Now some mean questions.......

People's sex life should be private!!!

I'm sorry, you didn't appreciate me standing in the bedroom with you telling you how to have sex? What a shame.

Seriously prude, it is private. I don't even like the dogs watching me. So, piss off!

Are you smoking crack?

The only crack that smokes around here are from our asses. Especially when my hemorrhoids are setting off a 4 alarm fire call. K?

Are you smoking crack though?

Is your husband ashamed of you for selling sex toys?

Hell to the no! My husband is supportive and very proud. He is also proud that I am open and honest, that I am fun and energetic, and that I like to have sex with him and him only.

And that he doesn't have to beg!

That's it for now! I'm going to a movie. Happy Mothers Day!

Friday, May 9, 2008

I can't do it......

I just cannot do it.....

This optimistic shit is so not worth my time anymore. I swear, I spend more time fighting with my own mind then I do anything else. By time one of my many personalities wins, I wasted a majority of my time and energy. It's exhausting when your personalities have a wrestling match inside your head.........

Hubby's work......Sucks!! I absolutely despise this company and everything it represents. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. His managers are in no doubt, the most dumb witted, retarded, stupid...stupid...stupid fart sniffers I have ever met. I'm going to drop kick their ass by kicking them in their shriveled up hairy, wart infested testicles. Freaking Rat Bastards......If I lived less then 6 hours away from them I would key their cars and use grass killer to write "I smell like Poo" in their lawns. I quite possibly would throw balloons filled with hot pink paint at their houses too. And then I would kick them in their shriveled up hairy, wart infested testicles again. Just for shits and giggles.

My daughter, as much as I love and adore and cherish this child that I housed for 9 months in my body, is driving me whacko. The whining, the disobeying, the mouth. That mouth! If I was certain that soap didn't make her go blind like the kid in the "Christmas Story" I would shove a bar of Lava in her face hole until she turned 18yrs old. I'm losing it people.....I'm losing it!!!!

The dogs! The ones who run outside and find the most mud to step in and then come prancing their sorry little asses back up to the door with "Mud Shoes" on. And then they kick at me when I am scooping the mud off their feet. They find this fun. Their stupid tails are wagging, Scooby bites at me thinking we're playing, and Vamp sits on her two back paws so I can't get at them. My neighbors must think I am nuts, because I spit, cuss, spank and yell at these two butt holes all damn day and night. I am going to bust out the shock collars and start electrocuting their asses if they don't straighten up.

Target! More like the inbreds that shop at Target. Seriously, I can't even speak about it without a vein sticking out of my head, heart palpitations, visual heartbeat in my neck and my eye twitching. They are "whack!"

And if someone doesn't invent a self cleaning house soon, I will burn this home to the ground. I'm not kidding.......burn baby burn. For the love of all that is holy! It seems to reproduce dust before my very eyes. Either that our I'm hallucinating again.

I'm losing my flipping mind. I'm going to curl up in a ball, drink until my liver turns to mush, and smoke 100 packs of cigarettes in about two flipping minutes.

Okay, after that brief meltdown, I'm feeling better. I must go get the "mouth" from school and wipe the drool off of my face now.

Ta,Ta! BTW...WebMd just classified me as bi-polar with split personalities and I am rejoicing because I will get the "good" drugs now!!!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

5 Reasons to Piss your Pants laughing.......

1) When a Kirby Vacuum Salesperson knocks on your door, promising to clean one room of your house. You invite them in because you cannot say "no" like me. As he is trying to assemble and demonstrate the machine that has a gazillion different attachments, it back fires and sends up a cloud of dust. He blushes and said "It wasn't supposed to do that!" I respond back "Really?" Diva starts fake coughing and expressing how she can't breath. Then your lovely daughter and her equally lovely daughter demonstrate their new song:

"I love Poo in the tub, I love poo to rub! I Love Poo in the face, I love poo all over the place.....I love (Winnie the ) POOOOOOOOO!"

And then they proceed to sing about Barney, the purple dinosaur:

"I love you, you love me, lets hang barney by a tree. Stab him in the back, kick him in the that purple thing is dead"
Homeschool may be a possibility........

2) On a walk with a friend, her 3 children, my daughter and adopted daughter and adopted neighbor, one of the kids biffs it hard on the cement. Before this, Him and Diva were racing and Diva was kicking his ass. He was bleeding from his leg, crying and pissed. Diva looked at him and said "Bet I could still beat you by jumping on one leg!" They took off, and Diva won again. She looked him in the face and bluntly said "Maybe you should stop bullying me because I bet I could kick your butt!"

Right on Rock Star!!!! That's my gal!

3) Me playing baseball on Wii, while Kirby dude was now working on putting the contraption away. I missed a ball for the 400th time and lost my cool. I yelled "Damn it, this freaking sucks, I hate this "bleep" "blipping" game." (that's the PG version) I regain my composure to see Diva and friend laughing and Kirby boy staring in disgust. I later asked what he was majoring in at college, and religion was his answer. Ooops!!! It also took him about 1 1/2 hour of our time and after numerous "no's" from us, and supper was in the oven, I finally just decided to eat in front them. Ummmmm.....Get the hell out maybe? Geesh!

4) Diva and friend discussed politics. Yeah, Politics. Their advice is to have every kid make the rules and make up their own bedtimes. Parents are soooo not cool. Then Diva's friend (I call her Dookie) says: "Well, you are alright! Can I spend the night tonight?" Suck up!

5) Diva begging and pleading with me that she cannot do P.E. today because they are running the mile and she is "so not in the mood" for the mile run. I told her to deal with it. She got pissed and told me that "I don't support her."

Nope, I don't support you, so no more supper for you girl! And tomorrow you'll be going to school naked as a Hannah Montana in Vogue. I'll give her a bandana to wear. That outta teach her!
And I couldn't resist this one either.


Ummm....this is the second post of the day and I did a meme plus a whine on the earlier post. So make sure you are reading the post before this incase you were tagged..........

Well......I said I decided to take action, and I am. I read my 10min a day book and I put it to work. So, I'm supposed to take things 10min at a time. Okay, I can do this. Sure, no problem. Then I got a panic attack thinking about how and what was I going to take 10min at a time.


So, then I though, Okay.....10min of no worries, no stresses, no thoughts. No anger, no thoughts of me beating the snot out of a bunch of wieners, nothing. 10min is a long time for me to do this because my brain is always worrying about something. Stressing about some disaster, about things that I could change but I'm just too chicken or things I can't change because I cannot feed all the hungry. But, I'm gonna try.

So, I put on my walking shoes (first I had to put on some corn relief sticky things because I have about 7 blisters on my feet from the toxic meds I am on), grabbed the Ipod and asked if it was ready to rock, and stepped out into a cloudy but humid day. And I walked. And I listened to music like Mony Mony, AC/DC, Guns N Roses, U2, Lisa Loeb, Firehouse, Enrique Iglasious, Flo Rida, Sir Mix Alot and so on and so on. And I walked and walked and walked. Suddenly, 10 min turned into 30 minutes of me breathing in and out, singing out loud (even with people giving me odd looks), waving to the neighbors, waving to the sheriff, waving to Opie and Don Knotts (just seeing if your still reading!)

And then I started laughing out loud about antics my daughter has done that has made me laugh, things I have done that has made others laugh, and things my hubby has done that made everyone laugh. And then I got more strange looks from people who saw me singing and laughing and incidentally, stumbling over some pebbles and nearly breaking my neck. And I laughed even harder.

Then I started to jog....something that I haven't done for a long time. Thank God I put on the sports bra and spanx. Now don't think I ran a mile or more, it was simply 7 blocks but hell, I did it.

And now I am home, and I am feeling better. And I'm blogging about it because this is step one of a positive attitude and to me beginning to laugh through my tears again. And here I am....feeling better. Feeling energetic. Feeling powerful. Feeling Blessed. Feeling God!

(And soaking my bleeding blisters, because I wanted you to know my pain and feel for me!)

And then I realized I missed some calls. My answering machine had 8 missed calls. From my hubby telling me he loves me and thanks for standing by him, and then friends just calling to say hi and that they love me. Some saying things like "I miss you, where are you?" And then my dad called to check up on me and seeing how I am feeling (because he loves me and cares about me!) And then a telemarketer saying my name wrong and calling me "Boob"ian (Stacey, if you are reading this, I know your laughing!)

And things are going to be alright.

And I know that this is long and boring, but I want to bring you some words from a wise, poetic person. Someone that knows struggles and has said his words of wisdom for the world to hear. Pure genius. Simply beautiful. A legend.

"Welcome to the jungle. It gets worse here everyday,Ya learn ta live like an animal in the jungle where we play. If you got a hunger for what you see you'll take it eventually. You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me"

"In the jungle. ,Welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your knees, knees I wanna watch you bleed"

By: Axl Rose

Yeah Baby!!!

meme, meme,me,meeeeee

I was tagged by my favorite CinnaBun for this short meme. So, I'm giving it a go. Fun, Fun!

So here are the rules:
1.)Write your own six word memoir.
2.)Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you'd like.
3.)Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible.
4.)Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5.)Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

My 6 Words:
High-Spirited, Exuberant, Feisty, Playful, Menopausal, Neurotic

Oh, lets see....I'm going to give this too:

Brittany-My fab friend

Jennifer from Blessings from Above-She such a lovey.

Laskigal-I just love this gal.

Cyndi-Whom is one of my longest bloggy friends and very supportive.

April-Even though she is pending a wedding :-)

Tara (If mom says it's okay)-Who doesn't love this gal?

I could name so many more because I love you all!!!


Days are getting harder and harder here. My hubby's job sucks and I am begging him to get the hell out of there. The man has other jobs that would hire him in a heartbeat but his dedication is killing me. The damn company he works for now is a cooperate mess and I hate it. Today in particular they have my nerves on high alert. I could honestly scream. GRRRRRR!

So, I am forcing my husband to do rash things. This company has discriminated him and have no regards for his safety or time. He is calling a lawyer as we speak.

I am not the kind of person that sues. I hate the fact that we are already in a lawsuit with the schools. I have begged them to just fix the problem and we would eat the cost of lost value in home and personal belongings. They thought we were bluffing. We proved them wrong.

But I have no guilt about my husbands current job. I will not allow them to continue their antics against my hubby and furthermore, to the techs that work their asses off for them. Since my hubby has started at this job, 6 people have quite in a years time and they have not been able to find replacements. Why??? Because no one wants to work for them. Karma. This time it will kick them in the ass instead of us. I swear by it.

My mood has been ugly for a few weeks now. My stress is out of control. Last week I had to go to the E.R. They thought I was having a stroke. My face was numb, my mouth was numb, my tongue was heavy and my arm was tingling. I was dizzy and blacked out. Guess what.....I had vertigo but also severe panic and anxiety.

So I made a mental decision. I am going to start to fix things negative in my life. Without a doubt, my hubby's job is a huge factor. It doesn't just effect him. It effects us. Thankfully, my daughter doesn't have to deal with it as we keep it from her. But they done pissed me off now. And I told my hubby today that we are done dealing with it. It is a large nation wide company. My hubby knows the CEO (I think that is what he is....he is high up there though). I told him to call him NOW! I told him to not quit, but if they fire him that is okay with me. I'm D.O.N.E.

I know that this will cause more stress in our lives for a short time. I can handle it. I know in the long run our lives will be different and if I continue to try to make positive improvements it will be for the better.

I wish that I could handle stress better then I do. I am not strong. I am determined. But I am weak. I admit it. Yes, I stand up for me and my family/friends. Yes, I can be a dirty bitch and play rotten games when I need too. But I should have been an actress because most see me as the firecracker that I am, but they don't see that I get severe panic attacks, diarrhea, upset stomach, throwing up. I contain it to myself and it doesn't do the body good. So, now it is time for me to start making changes in our lives. I can't just sit around and gripe about it. I have to do something about it.

Keep reading......cause I swear there are going to be some heads rolling and some changes made. I'm sick of being kicked down. But damn it all to hell.....I will get back up.

I love this blog......because this blog gives me strength. And when in doubt, I read the wonderful supportive comments and I re-read my words. And I get strength all over again.

Have a better day then me, okay? Don't worry or fret for me though. Because this time I will prevail! Woot!

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Spider said to the fly.......

The Chronicles of those who hate me:

Yep, you heard me, there are those who hate me and guess what, I think that they suck pig fat too. It's a long drawn out story, one that will bore you to tears. So, I'm gonna tell it anyway!!!

You see, it started with unfaithful, cheating, butt-munchers. Yep, there was this guy and this girl. Both married, donning their wedding bands. But the jack nuts decided that having sex in public, banging each other in a small town that everyone knows everything about you was a great idea. In a town that your neighbors know things about you that you don't even know. But the boy and the girl didn't think about that. All they could think about was how great it was to jump in a car and start rocking out with their cock out. And guess what, people saw. They would flirt and give google eyes for all to see.....including their spouses. Well, girl divorced her husband. But boy did not. Yet he still feels empowered to hump the now divorced girl. And more rumors started to fly. Not so much even rumors, but the truth was told in our small town grapevine.

I used to like boy and girl. Got along with them great. When I heard of such screwing rendezvous I lost some respect for them. But lets face it, I have enough on my plate to keep me satisfied and I really don't care to discuss their obscene get togethers. But somehow, boy and girl decided to bring other people into their disgusting affair. Could it have been because I am still good friends with girls ex husband? Don't know! I wasn't the only party that got dragged through the mud. Girl approached me about it....asked me why I have been starting rumors about her and boy. At school. Then she cried because she didn't want her children harmed by this. She approached me about it at school with said kids right there. Me being the mature one, I told her that I had no part of her adventures and if she was so concerned about her children, why would she make a scene at school, in front of her kids, and for all to hear. She shut up.

I went home, called the little tramp on the phone and gave her the biggest lip lashing I could give. I told her that if she didn't want to be the subject of rumors, then don't initiate them. If you wanted to have sex with a married man, then do it in a cheap hotel in another town, like other shits like her do. I hung up the phone and called it a day.

Then boy approached me at a event. Rudely. He usually has this gigantic beast of a body guard with him but his beast was no where to be found. I told him to "F" off and go home to his wife. He stated the same thing. I started rumors about their affair. Then he and girl went out on the dance floor and made out. Hmmmmm....Rumor? I think not!

Now little boy is scared. We saw him at a restaurant, again he was sans his hairy beast body guard, and he put his tail between his leg and ran for the door. I had to do it, I had to get the anger out, so I called him a pencil dick. He ran for the door.

I saw him and his hairy fat body guard (whom I hate as well) Friday night. They didn't say a word. You know why, because everyone hates this 3 hosers now. Not just from me. But because of the web they weaved. I did in fact voice my opinion to others about how I felt. I have a posse and I'm not to be messed with. They will tear them up. These tally whackers are aware of this now. They know that I have a voice equivalent to a fog horn when need be.

I laugh at the situation now. Ha,ha,ha! But at first I was saddened that they would start shit with me. Then I got pissed, then I got even. That's how I roll.

So, all I can say to the dweebs is come mess with me. Come face to face and lets throw it down. I'll invite you into my home to talk this out!!!!

Said the spider to the fly.....................

And for the record, boy is still with his wife, whom you never see together. She is ashamed but wants to keep the family together. She is a sweet, sweet lady and certainly deserves better then her redneck husband.


Saturday, May 3, 2008

Learn about a firecracker!

Things that make me laugh out loud.....

1) Farting! I laugh and laugh when someone blows their hole out. To me, this is funny.

2) People falling. I know I shouldn't laugh at other peoples pain but damn, when someone takes a nose dive or lands on the ass I laugh so hard I snort.

3) Austin this show. He cracks me up and Fat Bastard is my all time favorite.

4) When I fall, or do something stupid. I don't just laugh at others pain, I laugh at my own as well.

5) Fake "Cowboys" who wear the big ole hat, the 5lb belt buckle and the shit kickers but yet they drive away in their Pinto car's and have never stepped foot on a ranch.

Things that make me smile....

1)When my daughter is proud of herself after accomplishing something she swore she could never do.

2) My daughters friends calling me "mom" and talking to me about things that they would never talk to their own parents about.

3) When my hubby has a great day at work and is proud of his achievements.

4) My family, calling to tease me, laugh with me or cry to me. Because they know that I am always on their side.

5) My friends, the ones who defends me, loves me, and cares deeply for me. I am blessed with friends.

Things that make me sad....

1) Children suffering, abused, neglected or mentally drained from lack of attention.

2) Parents fighting for their children's lives. Desperately trying to seek out a miracle.

3) Animal abuse and neglect. Why have a animal if you don't have the time to spend with them. Selfishness is abundant in our lives.

4) Marriages that crumble because of stupid, silly reasons.

5) People living in fear, consumed with grief or worries.

Things that make me cry...

1) Seeing my daughter dealing with pre-adolescent problems and bullies.

2) God, and all the blessings he has given to me.

3) Fat people wearing skinny people clothes.

4) The thought of losing a friend or family member.

5) Death

Things that I do about these things...

1) Get involved in fundraisers and events that could help others.

2) Educate people on the importance of serious issues.

3) Approach teachers and bully's that have the gull to mess with my girl or my girls friends.

4) Express to people that neglect animals that they would be better in a different environment.

5) Being a listener, a supporter and a advocate for less fortunate people.

What makes you happy, sad or cry. What is your passion in life. My biggest passion, my family and friends. I love you all. More then you will ever know. I tell my friends and family that I love them all the time. I'm not ashamed to express my love. I pray. I pray for peace in every one's heart.

Also tell me things you wish to achieve. Your goals. I want to know you on a personal level. My goal is to be bill free, vacation whores and get more involved in volunteer work. That's my goals. And to save the world from seeing fat people wearing daisy duke shorts, speedos, bikini's, etc. Oh, and to have another tattoo for my birthday. I'm taking donations as it will cost over $150 for the one I want. LOL!! I said I wanted to get more involved in fundraisers. :-)

I love you and you and you. I love you all. And my biggest goal is to get my girls that I love to meet somewhere and tear up the town. We can do it!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Keeping it REAL!

Let's talk about keeping it real......

You see, I think my idea of "keeping it real" and what others consider "keeping it real" are sometimes very different. I am a person whom doesn't embarrass easy. I love when someone throws shit my way because I'm like a monkey throwing poo....I fling it back at them. I am quick witted and there are only a few times that I have been speechless.

If you are a "real" friend (like a friend that I can poke with my finger) you have been exposed to some very "Krissy" moments. For friends are never alarmed or surprised when I say "Hey, I gotta go, I'm going to have sex with my hubby....I'll call you back in a few!" Seriously, I'm not ashamed because these are my friends that chose me knowing that this is how I am. Most of my friends have been friends with me for many, many years. Elementary, middle school and up. And we are close as friends can be. I know them, they know me. But I am very honest and I do not have a problem telling you about my life. I am not shy. I am me.

When I was pregnant with my babe, I had hemorrhoids. I never held my tongue when my "ring of fire" was bleeding. When I had my babe, I had over 15people in and out of my room. I took a shower and had at least 7 friends in the bathroom with me, coaxing me through the terrible contractions. When I bleed from my kidneys, I have made my friends look just to testify to seeing traces of blood. When I had endomitriosis and passed clots the size of my fist, I never held back and always expressed my torment. This is me, and this is who my friends love! They are not appalled by me and do not stick their noses up at me.

I don't pretend to be the perfect person. I have a great, loving husband whom so many others are completely jealous of. I have a daughter who is spectacular, even when she is mouthy as hell. I have family who love me and support me more then you could ever imagine. I have lots of reasons to be idolized. I know my blessings.

I have read some blogs that try so hard to be perfect. They are as fake as my BFF's implants. Okay! I don't visit their blogs and I laugh my ass off at these people. I know people who have put themselves in so much debt just to "Keep up with the Jones's'" it makes me sad! I have no one to keep up with. I have fantasized about being a rock star, but I do not get jealous of others because they have more toys or money then I do. I don't care. Never have, Never will. I don't push my kid into activities because all the other kids are in it. I don't want her to have that attitude. I want her to do things because she wants to do it. If she doesn't want to go to college, I will be disappointed, but I will let her make her own decisions. And I won't be jealous of the other kids who are in college.

I like sex. I like selling sex toys. I find this fun and exciting. I like giving advice on something I know a lot about. I am not ashamed. If you think that this is wrong or disgusting, then don't be my friend. Simple.

But somethings you may not know about me. I am a christian. I love my God. I love to talk about God and all the blessings I have.

I can also talk politics. I can tell you who I am voting for and why. I can tell you my passions in life. Like helping sick children and their families and how passionate I am about stem cell research because it saves lives of children all over the world. I can argue my point and quite often, have won the battle.

I have also sat at a table with people who were millionaires, all ten of them, and held my own. I can be the proper women, I can be the crazy girl and I can be the passionate mother. I can go into my daughters school and half of the people know me by name, and know that I will get things done. I have approached teachers about bullying, I have defended my child to a point of almost smacking down the teacher and I can sit in a city council meeting to argue with them about our numerous floods in our house due to their stupid mistakes.

I am the PTO mom, the room mom, the mom who helps at dance. I am the mom that can give you advice when your child is sick. I can listen to your problems and be very passionate about making you feel better. I have seen bad things. I have seen a child die before my very eyes, taking her very last breath and smiling as she meets her angels. I can help plan a funeral for a distraught mom who doesn't have the will to make the decisions. I have been referred to as a "life saver" numerous times because I will help you fix your dilemmas. And I will do it proudly.

But my favorite thing to do is just be me! Wild, passionate, loving, fun, caring me! I like me sometimes, and other days I wish I was someone else. I find this normal! Normal as any other human. And I will never care if someone judges me for being "real"

I hope that I am liked. I hope that I am loved. But if people cannot like or love me......I will get over it. Because I have so many more people who do. I know I sound very whiny at times. This is true. But really, I'm pretty optimistic and I don't cry over spilled milk to often. I laugh a lot. I love to laugh.

So, don't ever question rather I am really the type of person I have perceived me to be.........Cuz the Krissy you know here, is the same Krissy you would know in person!!!!

So, I'm gonna go pee now and then have some great sex with my hubby. I'll talk to you tomorrow!!!! Happy Sexing to all!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The sky is falling.........

I swear, the sky is falling. It couldn't have possibly been bird poop that landed in my hair. Noooo.....Mother Nature loves me. She would never allow a bird to squirt it's contents from it's ass on to my head. So, the only other logical reason is the sky is falling.

Apparently, the sky is made up of white goo and berries. Because that is what landed on my hair and dripped onto my face.

Mother Nature isn't the dirty old hag that I once thought she was. I misjudged her. Even though a week ago we got 4inches of snow in April and snow is forcasted for tomorrow as well. This isn't her fault. It's old man winter just being stubborn. That's all. It has to be. And the tornado's that were circling all around us was Mother Nature just showing her awesome beauty. And if we get the rain that we are supposed too, it isn't her fault that I will be the owner of a home with a indoor swimming pool again. Nope, she doesn't mean to cause this harm to me.

Ohhhh.....who the hell am I kidding. That bitch is out to get me and she plays dirty. The wicked woman. I despise the ole hag. I really really do. And the bird pooping on my head was just her way of letting me know that she is still here, present in my life, controlling my days. What a dirtball.

I swear if it snows, I will kick her retarded ass all over the town. I mean it. She messed with the wrong chicky. I am a bull when I am pissed. Ask the poor exec at Target today who got a earful plus some from me. He was aghast at my determination and bull handedness. He knows, don't mess with a menopausal, dizzy, puking, pissed at the world woman.

So, Mother Nature.....bite my ass cheek and make my boobs jealous. Okay. We all hate you right now. Every single South Dakotan wants to burn you at the stakes. So, be afraid, be very afraid.
I need some wine! Dang it!

And for you viewing are some more pics of my delicious daughter whom is just the cutest thing. Yes, I am her mother so I think she is the best but whatever, she is top notch to me......

Dancing by herself as a precious flowergirl.

A true Papa's girl. Notice the big lug of a dog behind them. That's parents horse....

Lurch and my parents other dog, Cosmo. Isn't it cute......
The loves of my life.....