Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Many have been asking me some questions......

And one of the questions that came up most was if I am worried about online security? Or do I get concerned that others will hunt me down and manhandle me. The answer is no. Actually it is Hell No!

First dogs. These beasts and pain in the asses have many purposes. They are not only fun and lovable. They are not only huge brats that disobey me constantly. They are security alarms with huge teeth. They have drawn blood from their master when they felt me or Diva were in trouble. They need to be locked away in the bedroom if we are going to have a tickle fest with Diva or Hubby is messing with us. Both dogs go on attack and are very protective of us. One sleeps with me and one sleeps with Diva. They may look like harmless creatures and when they are not threatened or we are not threatened they are incredibly sweet dogs. They love everyone who gives them an ounce of attention. However, they are not the sweet innocent creatures you may think they are. Don't.Mess.With.Them.

And then there's me. I may look innocent enough as well. But I am a PissyPants if you screw with me or my own. My dad had me out shooting guns since I have been knee high tall. I am a modern day Annie Oakley. I have blown the nuts off of a paper Bull target. I don't know how far away I was but I was in fact further then a stones throw from it. My dad was very impressed. We have guns in this house and I know how to use them. If you want your nuts blown to smithereens.......come on over here. I dare ya!

I also know how to use a knife. Oh sure, I may have sliced my finger open from cutting a melon last night but if you piss me off and you are a danger to me, trust me, I won't miss your juggler. I will slice you like a piece of warm apple pie. I may end up hurting myself and anything and everything around me, but you will not walk away without a limp.

And I live in a community that have very sceptical, watchful eyes on everyone strange. People knew us before we even looked at this house. I swear! And we always watch each others children. And when we flooded and my husband wasn't home, I made one phone call and had tons of people here in a minute. I guarantee you that if I call and we are in danger, people will come with their teeth in a glass beside the bed and a shotgun in hand. Okay, not all of them have dentures, but a few do.

My hubby loves to shoot animals dead. Just think of what he would do if it was a dangerous person? Amen.

My daughter knows Tae-Kwon-Do and is not afraid to use it. She knows how to scream. I have heard her. She knows how to get out of situations. She is not stupid. Her friends know as well and she is never, ever alone. Ever.

I believe in a eye for an eye. I believe in capital punishment. I believe in toothpicks in the pee hole. I have kicked males in their man-grapes before. Hard. He hurt for decades. I'm pretty sure his grandchildren felt the pain. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot. I enjoyed it a lot a lot.

Now, if you are a ghost or a reptile that slithers on it's stomach, the most I will do is pee on you. I couldn't "Fight Club" a ghost's ass. I don't think shooting a ghost with a gun would do me much good. My Rosary is most likely in the trash with the rest of my priceless stuff that was ruined from the flood, or inadvertently thrown away. Either that or it is packed away in the garage somewhere. I will never see it again.

So, my name is Krissy. My husbands name is Craig and my daughters name is Sheylee (pronounced like Shey=Pray and Lee=er?....Lee or Pee) It means Princess in Latin. I originated it from my own head. I needed something to go with Cheyenne. So her name is Sheylee Cheyenne. It was supposed to be spelled like Shaylee but I was too drugged to realize I spelled it wrong on her birth certificate. So, I dealt with it. I like it spelled like this though cuz it truly is a original. People pronounce it wrong, but just say PrayPee and then insert the Sh and L in place of the P and P. But her real, real name is Stink. That's what we call her the most. Oh, and the "Lee" is my mom's middle name so I wanted my mom's middle name and Cheyenne as a middle name which was really, really hard to do.

Ummm......I would rather suck a fart out of a horses butt before I ever touching a snake. I had a hysterectomy because of endomitriosis(sp?)and a uterus that was 3X's too big (and a ass that is as well!), I have lots of friends that have been my friends since elementary school. I love the smell of chocolate, I cannot do math. I cannot bake worth a shit. I can cook. I hate feet. I hate heights but am not afraid of planes or roller coasters/amusement rides. I love animals. And I love sex. Any thing else?

Have a great day!


tattooed mama said...

strange? hu...that's why everyone has been watching me.
the dreadlocks(now pink nothing) and tattoos have seemed to be a good "keep away from me" device for me in hartford.
don't forget about tonight! call me, my phone got dropped in a margarita and i lost all of my numbers!

Stacy said...

Great post. We have a gun and many swords in our house. We just need the dog...but princess is hysterically afraid of them. I want one though just for peace of mind. I miss my old neighborhood back home - they covered each other's backs there...and they all had lots of guns, too. And shovels if need be.

Kathryn said...

Oh Holy Shit! You crack me up! I can't stop laughing. Wow.
When my hubby goes out of town I take Pepe (his shotgun) and put it under my bed. NO ONE will mess with me boys!
Fab post. You rock!

Tara R. said...

You are one bad-ass momma! I love it!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Your daughter's name is very pretty.
I don't think anybody's gonna mess with you! I don't post my kids' names because of stalkers who I KNOW, but unfortunately they found me anyway. @@ Lowlifes!

sltbee69 said...

I love your attitude! Cracking me up as well!