Tuesday, May 6, 2008

5 Reasons to Piss your Pants laughing.......

1) When a Kirby Vacuum Salesperson knocks on your door, promising to clean one room of your house. You invite them in because you cannot say "no" like me. As he is trying to assemble and demonstrate the machine that has a gazillion different attachments, it back fires and sends up a cloud of dust. He blushes and said "It wasn't supposed to do that!" I respond back "Really?" Diva starts fake coughing and expressing how she can't breath. Then your lovely daughter and her equally lovely daughter demonstrate their new song:

"I love Poo in the tub, I love poo to rub! I Love Poo in the face, I love poo all over the place.....I love (Winnie the ) POOOOOOOOO!"

And then they proceed to sing about Barney, the purple dinosaur:

"I love you, you love me, lets hang barney by a tree. Stab him in the back, kick him in the head....now that purple thing is dead"
Homeschool may be a possibility........

2) On a walk with a friend, her 3 children, my daughter and adopted daughter and adopted neighbor, one of the kids biffs it hard on the cement. Before this, Him and Diva were racing and Diva was kicking his ass. He was bleeding from his leg, crying and pissed. Diva looked at him and said "Bet I could still beat you by jumping on one leg!" They took off, and Diva won again. She looked him in the face and bluntly said "Maybe you should stop bullying me because I bet I could kick your butt!"

Right on Rock Star!!!! That's my gal!

3) Me playing baseball on Wii, while Kirby dude was now working on putting the contraption away. I missed a ball for the 400th time and lost my cool. I yelled "Damn it, this freaking sucks, I hate this "bleep" "blipping" game." (that's the PG version) I regain my composure to see Diva and friend laughing and Kirby boy staring in disgust. I later asked what he was majoring in at college, and religion was his answer. Ooops!!! It also took him about 1 1/2 hour of our time and after numerous "no's" from us, and supper was in the oven, I finally just decided to eat in front them. Ummmmm.....Get the hell out maybe? Geesh!

4) Diva and friend discussed politics. Yeah, Politics. Their advice is to have every kid make the rules and make up their own bedtimes. Parents are soooo not cool. Then Diva's friend (I call her Dookie) says: "Well, you are alright! Can I spend the night tonight?" Suck up!

5) Diva begging and pleading with me that she cannot do P.E. today because they are running the mile and she is "so not in the mood" for the mile run. I told her to deal with it. She got pissed and told me that "I don't support her."

Nope, I don't support you, so no more supper for you girl! And tomorrow you'll be going to school naked as a Hannah Montana in Vogue. I'll give her a bandana to wear. That outta teach her!
And I couldn't resist this one either.


11 comments:

Kori said...

Thanks for making me cry tears of laughter. I love the song the girls sang. But I am soooo not going to tell it to the boys because I would have to hear it all the time. lol

Stacy said...

I think I have mostly caught up on your posts, and I must say, you ROCK! I wish I was as outspoken as you and spoke my mind. Unfortunately I am more of an introvert than I want to be.

I love the Kirby guy story! Way to sell a machine by making the house DIRTIER...I think he needs another line of work LOL!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Oh, dear...the picture had me doing a double take. I can only imagine the Kirby guys take on all of that!

Kathryn said...

Ugh. That picture really grosses me out. I feel queesy.

Brittany said...

HAAAA Love the Kirby dude's story.... So... Andy used to sell those, when we first got married. AND IT WAS HELL. He hated the job... HATED it. But it made us some money for a little while, so I can't complain. AND I got a free Kirby outta the deal. "Nothing sucks like a Kirby."- 'cept for maybe a cheap whore. (OH yes, your dirtyness is starting to rub off!!!)

OHmommy said...

You don't support her... running the mile sucks!

LOL. ;) She IS a firecracker. I see the future Lola.

Jenni said...

I am rolling here! I think I may have accidentally woken the baby!

cyndy said...

OMG! too funny. next time, send the kirby man to my house.
I have all ceramic tile floors.
ha!

LaskiGal said...

A quick glance at that picture and I nearly chocked on my Cheerios!!! Hilarious.

OK, Diva. I LUV her!! She's a lot like her mommy!!! A little firecracker herself!

Grandy said...

LOL!! You slay me cracka!!

N said...

That's the best pic I've seen in a long time!