Friday, May 9, 2008

I can't do it......

I just cannot do it.....

This optimistic shit is so not worth my time anymore. I swear, I spend more time fighting with my own mind then I do anything else. By time one of my many personalities wins, I wasted a majority of my time and energy. It's exhausting when your personalities have a wrestling match inside your head.........

Hubby's work......Sucks!! I absolutely despise this company and everything it represents. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. His managers are in no doubt, the most dumb witted, retarded, stupid...stupid...stupid fart sniffers I have ever met. I'm going to drop kick their ass by kicking them in their shriveled up hairy, wart infested testicles. Freaking Rat Bastards......If I lived less then 6 hours away from them I would key their cars and use grass killer to write "I smell like Poo" in their lawns. I quite possibly would throw balloons filled with hot pink paint at their houses too. And then I would kick them in their shriveled up hairy, wart infested testicles again. Just for shits and giggles.

My daughter, as much as I love and adore and cherish this child that I housed for 9 months in my body, is driving me whacko. The whining, the disobeying, the mouth. That mouth! If I was certain that soap didn't make her go blind like the kid in the "Christmas Story" I would shove a bar of Lava in her face hole until she turned 18yrs old. I'm losing it people.....I'm losing it!!!!

The dogs! The ones who run outside and find the most mud to step in and then come prancing their sorry little asses back up to the door with "Mud Shoes" on. And then they kick at me when I am scooping the mud off their feet. They find this fun. Their stupid tails are wagging, Scooby bites at me thinking we're playing, and Vamp sits on her two back paws so I can't get at them. My neighbors must think I am nuts, because I spit, cuss, spank and yell at these two butt holes all damn day and night. I am going to bust out the shock collars and start electrocuting their asses if they don't straighten up.

Target! More like the inbreds that shop at Target. Seriously, I can't even speak about it without a vein sticking out of my head, heart palpitations, visual heartbeat in my neck and my eye twitching. They are "whack!"

And if someone doesn't invent a self cleaning house soon, I will burn this home to the ground. I'm not kidding.......burn baby burn. For the love of all that is holy! It seems to reproduce dust before my very eyes. Either that our I'm hallucinating again.

I'm losing my flipping mind. I'm going to curl up in a ball, drink until my liver turns to mush, and smoke 100 packs of cigarettes in about two flipping minutes.

Okay, after that brief meltdown, I'm feeling better. I must go get the "mouth" from school and wipe the drool off of my face now.

Ta,Ta! BTW...WebMd just classified me as bi-polar with split personalities and I am rejoicing because I will get the "good" drugs now!!!!!

10 comments:

david santos said...

Hello, Krissy!
I loved this post and this blog.
Have a nice weekend

Mike Golch said...

pfffffffffffttttttttt!

Brittany said...

Ugh. Woman. We need to plan our getaway... seriously.

Grandy said...

Do you feel better? Really? If not, I'll meet you at the bar babe. I'm right behind ya.

Lilith Silvermane said...

My daughter used to be called "mouth" until I found a safe way to handle it.

A capful of vinegar. It won't hurt them, and MAN do they straighten up fast!

I love to read your blog everyday... it's a highlight!!

Kathryn said...

Where the hell is the vodka when you need it???

A Buns Life said...

Vent baby vent. I hope you had a great Mother's Day! YOU DESERVE IT!

cyndy said...

HEY! At least there was good news at the end.
xoxo

spoiledmom said...

Okay, I had to come check your blog out! LOL I am laughing so hard right now I am going to wake the girls up! I needed that laugh, too. I can't believe I havent found you before now! Things happen for a reason.....I know, you found me first.
Here's my mantra: "If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody......come sit next to me". We'll smoke those 100 cigarettes and I have vodka in the freezer, hell, i have a stocked bar. Come on girl...
Chrissy

sltbee69 said...

I know I shouldn't be laughing but seriously, I couldn't help it. It's either laugh or cry right along with you. So much of what you said about your daughter hit right at home with me. How is it that a person can love a person so much but at the same time want to strangle the shit out them?! My mother tells me "the mouth" is payback for the mouth I gave her at the age and through my teen years. Yeah, I'm really believing in Karma these days. I wish I knew about her back then.