Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Rants and Rants and Raves.

  • To the people whom have the personality of a tadpole and who have the attitude of Paris Hilton. The world does not revolve around you. I don't care how poor you are and how stressful it is because YOU have made it this way. Not I. I have a decent life and I don't struggle as much as you however, I have worked hard for this. You have done nothing but bitched and complained through life until someone finally hands you what you want in an attempt to shut you the fuck up. So. When you post: "Why is it that some people have it all and others barely scrape by?" on facebook in reference to me and my husband purchasing a 19' Bayliner boat for a mere $1000 through an auction it makes me want you to have nothing until you can overcome your selfish attitude. I didn't realize that by purchasing something for our family was against the rules and we are supposed to reward your family with our earnings instead. Even though you and your wife currently already get more support through the government then most single moms do. And the fact that you carry brand new blackberrys in your pockets, drive newer vehicles, eat out quite often and are able to buy Swans dinners because you don't have to pay cash for your other neccissities thanks to welfare. I have a older phone, a older vehicle then both you and your wife the difference is mine is paid off, I buy only the needed amount of groceries and we rarely eat special treats and I never purchase Swan's as it is not in my budget. My daughter wears consignment Gap, Old Navy, Children's Place and Justice clothes while your nearly one year old is dressed only in new, stylish attire. However, you cannot understand why you are always broke. We budget our money, you blow yours. Figure it out ASSHOLE.
  • Kayne West!!! You are quite possibly the stupidest human being ever. You are as sharp as a beach ball. What exactly did you expect after you shamed a talent like Taylor Swift. She is classy and idolized. You are trashy and disrespectful. This isn't the first time you have had diarrhea from the mouth, and constipation of your thoughts. There isn't enough apologies in the world for us to forget your moment of shame. Remember to cry a river when you don't sell another album ever you moron.
  • Patrick Swayze, Peace to your soul. You are a hero and you fought a good battle and won the war. Rest now...you deserve it.
  • My lovely daughter. Today was 80's day at school for spirit week. I lived through the 80's my dear, and I lived through them very well. I wore the bright neon colors in pride with 50 belts wrapped around my waist and my hair was so big it could be seen in space. You were born in the 90's my love. So. When you want my help to convert you into a 80's protege please do not argue with me. I know what it takes sweet thing. You don't know diddly about the 80's and no amount of internet research can share with you the experience I had. I am never helping you again daughter. But I do love you with every ounce of my being.
  • To the hubby. When the trash is full, you pull out the bag in which the trash lives and you take it outside to the bigger trash can. You DO NOT just lie your garbage on the counter for me to take care of. Because I am a nice wife, I will supply you with ample amounts of lube so you can reconnect with your hand at night for the next few weeks, possibly longer. There are Kleenex next to the lube for clean up. Have fun. Your welcome.
  • To everyone. Please stop calling me for money. I have given enough to charities and have been very generous in helping others out. But just because you forget to pay your electricity bill doesn't mean that I can come to your rescue. And I am sorry that the Animal Shelters need cash now to help all the abused animals. Trust me. If I could find homes for them all I would as I am a huge animal lover but I must insist that I feed my child and my own two dogs before I feed abandoned ones. I am working on a fundraiser for winter that can help but for now.....you are asking the wrong person. And my dear friends, I will no longer help you. In case you missed it...we are purchasing a business and that means that we will be strapped for cash for the next 5yrs or so. Sorry the gravy train just left the station and you will not be riding for free.
  • To the laundry: I am sorry you are neglected but I hate you. You really suck up a lot of my time. It's easier to just go buy new then cleaning you. Once again, sorry.
  • To my floors: Why can't you clean yourself??? You do nothing else. Seriously??? You put the "az" in Lazy.
That's my rants and raves for the month week. It's so much easier to come here and bitch instead of taking my aggressions out on the people who are currently pissing me off. It's been a helluva week people. Boo.Yah. Good times. Good times.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Greetings from the dropout blogger.

(For your amusement....the shorter chick on the right with purple and pink hair is me. At a JONAS BROTHER concert trying to molest one of the brothers with my daughter, niece and sister. Boo.Yah.)

I am so lame. I am disgustingly lame. It is....er...disguisting.
I'll give you a quick glimpse into the life of a ADHD, sometimes OCD and always a PMSing chick.

  • My summer has consisted of water parks, pools, and huge wedgies from my too tight bathing suit. Eh. I love my fat, dimpled butt. It has started to take on a personality of it's own lately. And sometimes it whistles. Hardy.Harr.Har.

  • My daughter is still in a very disturbing stage. Not yet menstruating however having disruptive mood swings like....well....her menopausal mother. Some days it is nothing but a recipe for disaster in this household. Me having hot flashes like a crack addict and my daughter bitching out. Oh.Joy. And it hasn't been proven yet however I do believe my husband has a vagina too. Blah.

  • We are buying a business. I cannot release details as we are still gagged with a confidentiality agreement but we are going to be business owners soon. And I am shitting eggs.

  • I bought a coach purse (one of a few...unbeknown st to my spouse.) and the shitting thing already started tearing when it was only a month old. That pissed me off and I am currently sharing not.so.nice words with Coach. It tickles me pink. I kinda like to argue.

  • I should have a master degree in counseling by now considering I have put in my hours of work with the deranged.

To be continued........

Friday, June 5, 2009

I want to be just like my daughter when I grow up.

Because I am the mother of only one vivacious, over exuberant, sometimes ADHD daughter, I am able to observe things much more then parents with a handful of kids. I am not chasing after a toddler while dealing with pre-hormones at the same time. I am not running from softball with a son to dance with a daughter. You get the point, right???

My daughter goes to a very hip, pretty popular dance company. She is in hip-hop which takes up one night a week. We have a few recitals here and there however are calenders are not filled with dance. At one time, she was also in ballet while hip-hopping her tail end off. But my daughter, being the girl she is, was not thrilled with ballet and it was a bit to slow for her likings. Whatever.

The end of the year recital is a BiG deal. It's extra classes, it's dress rehearsals, it's confusion, it's mind draining. You never get the right information and you always call 10 different moms to find out times. Pictures.Outfits.Shoes.Leotards.Hair.Make-up. It is endless. And most moms are so stressed out that they pop out a few extra grey hairs every year at this time.

Except for me. Oh okay. So you would think that being solely responsible for only ONE kid and ONE Dance group and only 2 Dances and Outfits, I would get my poop in a group. We are talking about me though. So. Nuff' said. I missed a few practices because I was too busy yapping my big ole mouth instead of using my ears. Nice.

Anyway. As I sit through 2 THREE HOUR recitals tomorrow, I will be reminded as to WhY we do NOT allow our daughter to be in more then 2 activities at one time. I see worn out mothers, sleeping through the recital. I see other mothers in hives. I see mothers chasing after toddlers while trying to order their T-Shirts. I see mothers scream at their kids because the pressure is TOO MUCH. I see fathers balancing the check book and scratching their head. I see fathers pacing around the halls, confused as to what they should be doing. I see fathers balancing children in their arms, and carrying flowers to hand to their daughters and instructors after the show. I see mayhem. And I sit reading a book.

Some mothers are so full of baloney they should be renamed Oscar Mayer. As the dance parents join together and gossip, you hear a lot of bull shit. "My daughter wants to be a professional dancer, so the $500 a month we spend now is just establishing her dream." Another mother butts in with "My daughter wouldn't be happy if she didn't have activities scheduled every.day. So the 5 days a week spent running to practices are so worth it." Another mother who needs to excuse her madness jumps in "Oh. Totally. It's good to be busy now days. They won't be in so much trouble as they get older." And me? I sit and snicker at the shit that is spilling out of their mouth.

Never mind the fact that the $500 a month spent on your daughter's activities are paid by a credit card....because they cannot afford it otherwise. Actually, the dance center actually have a credit card you can apply for. Heh. And forget the fact that they cannot be approved for the credit card so their outstanding bill to the dance center is going to collections. And lets not discuss how family time is spent in a car and you or your daughter actually, the whole familyhasn't spent a day at the family table since dance started. And that these moms whom have more then one kid, have not seen their son's softball game in years. Or how about the fact that their daughters grades in school are on the decline because homework isn't getting done and studying happens in the 15min car ride to dance. And let's not discuss how their marriages are suffering because of lack of time together. Those are mute points.

You see. It's high school all over again. Each mom has to have the best of the best and their daughters this usually excludes son's, which is heart breaking have to be the best of the best for their reputation and popularity to shine. I am not making this up. They spend their life savings on tuition's. And they don't bat an eye at it. Sure. They sit together and bitch about how their husbands "just don't understand" and most of them are pouring their hearts out to each other about how they are not separated or divorced. And they cannot understand "WHY" this has happened to me. At the same time, they are using their cell phones to arrange drop off and pick up times for their sons softball game. They call strangers begging for them to usher their son to his one, lonely softball game. *sigh*

The dance studio does offer payment options. And they do offer to do some community service that would help pay for the cost of classes. So. These mothers rush day to day to work at a car wash, baseball game, walk a thons, ecetera to help lower the monthly bill. They do not factor in the gas and the fact that they are truly, in a nutshell, working a second job to support their daughter's extra curricular activities.

Limitations. It's a simple word. It's easy to achieve if you have a backbone. Is it a sin to tell your children "NO" once in awhile?? Or to put away your high school drama and focus on menopause? Do you really need to let your children do whatever they hell they want???

So glad I am really good at saying NO, although my husband isn't so happy about this.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Just when I think things are going to be better.....

This year has sucked monkey balls for us. If I want to get technical I could say that the last few years have been rather crusty to us however, this year has been, at times, unbearable.

In October, I lost my father-in-law.....of whom I miss daily.

On January 1st...my husband lost his job.
Honestly...we were prepared for the job issue. Obviously we couldn't plan for the death but the job thing wasn't a big huge surprise. The company he worked for sucked ass and I knew it was a dead end road the first week of him working there. We started a strict budget that allowed us to put away enough money to suffice us if need be. He stuck it out, lost his job and we began the hunt for his new employment and started diligently investigating the avenue of owning our own business.

Fast forward to now. The economy sucks just like everything else in South Dakota. I don't mean to be bitter however, South Dakota has NoT been fair to us. Jobs are slim pickings and when there is a good job, it has a mound of unemployed individuals fighting for it. Of course, this allows the company to pay this individual pennies on the dollar and because they are greedy shit heads, they use the crappy economy to their advantage. I couldn't lie to you and say I wouldn't do the same thing though. Bygones.

We are totally on the fence about opening our own business only because it is just scary right now. Granted, things are looking more hopeful at Wall Street but that could be because of the band aide effect and in a few more months, years, whatever; we could see the economy hitting rock bottom once again.

The situation is currently making me a little nervous. All of it. Every bit of our lives right now is making me shaky. I refuse to give up on Sioux Falls only because I couldn't imagine pulling my daughter out of her beloved school and throwing her to the wolves at a different school. She is a tween. She is going to be in middle school, which lets face it, 6th grade was brutal for us all.

And on top of all that, we need to add to our stress and worry about home improvements that have to be done this year. Otherwise, we may be without a roof over our heads, literally. The roof needs replaced, the furnace has seen it's better days and some cosmetic changes are in order. *sigh*

I thought about working out so I could dance on a pole somewhere. Truth be told, I won't exercise. I keep saying "tomorrow" and tomorrow always comes and goes away. And my ass cheeks keep expanding.

Don't jump to conclusions. We are not drowning in debt only because we don't have any debt, thank you Dave Ramsey. And we are not suffocating in worry, because we are still okay. We are concerned about moving and we are concerned about the job market yet we will survive. We always do.

Am I whining?? Hell yes I am whinging!!!! You couldn't read this and NOT understand my whining!!!! Am I asking for sympathy???? Der....I am a bonafide attention getter. So your sympathy will be welcomed.

To top off the madness.....this weekend we are heading to my deceased father-in-laws favorite fishing spot to remember. Simply remember a great man who died way to young. And it isn't going to be easy for me or anyone else for that matter.

Truly, what I really need is some prayers. Pray for the job market and for all the families who have been effected by the economy. Pray for peace in our family. Pray for my sanity and for me to get some spunk back, as I have been losing it a lot lately. Pray that we will finally see some light at the end of our tunnel. Pray for my family as we miss a loved one very much this weekend, and everyday.

Please don't think that we need donations are something absurd like that. We do not need anything other then prayers. There are many people worse off then us that could use your donations. Truly, we have been so good about money lately that I give us big pat's on the back. We are survivors. I'm just starting to see things through a different perspective now. It could be another 6 months before my husband finds a job. And that is what makes me piss myself.

Friday, May 8, 2009

What's a Cracker like me been doing???

Well first and foremost, I am dwelling in self pity as I realize that I have become a official blogger drop out. And that I can claim this site as DOA (dead on arrival.)

However, as much as I have considered just closing it down, I cannot force myself to do so. Because I don't like failing, even though I should be used to it by now. And secondly, I like to come here and vent my anger. Better here then towards my family, I say.

I have been busy and busy is good for a nerd like myself. I have been........

  • Doing some partygal parties. Nothing much. Just as favors to my sex addicted friends whom need that extra thrill in their lives. Buzz.Buzz.
  • Taking ownership of this house again and punished it with some serious spring cleaning. The garage now harbors a boat, car and motorcycle instead of trash, mice and things that should have been deemed "toxic."
  • Whooping it up with friends and family.
  • Drinking a lot of wine. What??? It's good for the heart. Don't judge me.
  • Cussing out a Priest while exhibiting some of my nasty road rage. I have re-taught myself some prayers and begged for forgiveness.
  • Spanked my husband. Just checking to see if anyone is listening.
  • Spanked the dogs because they are holy terrors.
  • Doing some remodeling in the house. I am the proud owner of new stainless steel appliances in which I adore.
  • Flirting with salesmen to get some descent discounts for said appliances.
  • One of the salesmen got violently ill from my said flirting.
  • Yard work. Well some until I got pissy and just called a lawn care company to control the raging weeds in my yard.
  • Had a vicious cold and therefore convinced myself that I did indeed have the swine flu. After all, I have been pigging out lately. Oink.Oink.
  • Banned any sex with my husband because he wasn't cleaning the proper way while I fought off the swine flu.
  • Convinced my daughter to pick up all the dog piles outdoors. This worked until I realized she threw all the dog crap in the neighbors yards. And for a side note. I cannot stand these neighbors.
  • Been on a few road trips but nothing to write home about.
  • Had approximately 400 temper tantrums about home improvements trumping vacations.
  • Threatened to burn the house down about 500X's.
  • Played computer games instead of doing laundry.
  • Guests have been ravishing our home lately.
  • 4 trillion pounds of homework.
  • Texting until my fingers bled.
  • Singing karaoke.
  • badly
  • Behaved like a toddler.
  • Wet my pants a billion times from sneezing.
  • Definitely have had some serious ADHD.

The End.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Ode to my daughter.....

Dear sweet hormonal, lovable girl....

You are so devious at times that I could just punch myself right in the kisser. However, in the very next second, you look at me with those beautiful blues and pouty lips and I melt into you once again. You are devious because you know that your mother is a complete sucker for you.

I can be mad as hell one minute and then consumed by your charm the next. Your charisma and personality radiate love, compassion, fun, laughter and wickedness. I don't know a person who isn't in love with your humor and quick wit. You are your mothers daughter.

This hormonal stage is going to make me pull out every strand of hair out of my head and I fear your dad is dead serious about a chastity belt he's been on ebay searching and bars on your window. Your eye rolling and mouthiness has gotten you in more trouble these past few months then ever before. Your determination to fight with me or to argue is certainly going to land you grounded for life and me in a padded cell. And even though you have heard the word and know the word "NO", you have coincidentally forgotten what it means. Your manners must have been thrown out the window and replaced with crabbiness.

Yet. You still have those killer eyes that make me weep. And you still have your dad and mom wrapped around your little pinky finger. I won't even get into your grandparents and aunts and uncles because we all know that to them, you can do no wrong.

I have watched you sleep like so many nights before. You are growing up and I don't like it much. I miss my chubby little girl with the sweetest of hugs and kisses. You still give the best hugs ever, but I don't have chubby little legs wrapped around my waist any longer. You are almost as tall as me now. Yet I am so excited for your future. I know with all my heart that you are going to make a difference. You have so much light in you that sometimes it's blinding.

I know that you are full of wisdom however, you do not know all. I argue and fight with you over the stupidest of things because you have a sassy-frass attitude that you are always right. You got that from your father.

A menopausal mom and a hormonal daughter are like oil and water but a mom's love for her daughter is a bond that I will never share with anyone else. You are my girl.....

I can sit here and complain about all your hormonal episodes and trust me....there are days that I do. But today....I sit here with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart.

Today...I read of a sweet baby girl that went to go live with Jesus. She left her weeping parents behind so she could breathe freely and struggle no more. I am so stingy...because I wish she was still here with her parents. Although I don't know the hurt they have, I can understand it. Because I could never imagine living a day without you.

And as I sit here, I am listening to your dads pager and I hear of a baby that is in full cardiac arrest and I can sense the panic in the EMT's voices as they try so desperately to breath life back into a infant. A baby. And my heart is in my stomach and my tears are running down my face. The fear and loneliness these parents must feel right now is so scary to me. I can only pray that God wraps his Heavenly arms around these parents and angels.

So. Today my sweet hormonal daughter. I will not argue with you about wearing makeup even though you will not wear makeup in 5th grade and I will not argue about buying you a bra story for another day. I will just sit here and remember how lucky I am and how blessed my life is and I will cry for these families. Yet I will always be grateful for you sweet girl.

I love you my skeeter butt munchkin butt......