Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Patience is the virtue....Blah.Blah.Blah.

Today I feel like a lady of not so many words yet a lot on my mind. My tongue wants to shout out profanities in every single language, and I don't know why.

I don't feel like getting into my trauma drama and hell but I want to say this. I want to yell this from the top of my lungs. Patience sucks. How long do you have to wait until patience just turns into forever?

And just what is normal really? Each of us have our own perspective on normal? Hell. I think, at times, that I am normal. Then I take the blood pressure cuff off of my neck and inhale again and realize that, Nope, I am certainly not normal. But at least my blood pressure is good.

But is it okay for someone else to call me odd? Because I live a different life? And because your life is boring and not as interesting as my life of stories filled with poop, stress, poop, puke, poop, kid, poop, husband, poop, dogs, etc.

And back to the patience. Why do I feel just when good things are going to happen, it all takes the wrong turn right into the city dump? I seriously feel that at times, my "thinking" positively leads to negative things. I gotta be honest, I feel seriously jinked at times. Is that normal?

I may not be lucky.....but I am blessed. I have my family, my husband, my sweet daughter whom I adore, my friends, my faith, my angels. But sometimes I still feel hopeless. I know my blessings and are so very thankful but I still cannot shake the feeling of discouraged and ill fated.

Why does contentment feel impossible for me? I never feel content. I always feel edgy, agitated, skittish, ecetera.

I am tired. I admit. I have been sick. I need a few hundred beers and I could use a good day of happiness. I could use some alone time. I could use a whole lot of something but I don't know what because I am fidgety. And this post is all over the place and it makes no sense and that is EXACTLY how I feel.

Time. Patience. Virtue. Ugh.


Tara R. said...

It's like that cartoon of the two vultures... 'patience, hell! I'm gonna kill something!" I'm ready for the good times to start anytime now. I'll get the first round of beers while we wait.

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Anonymous said...

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