Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Rock's in the brain!

Stupid, Rotten Rock Tumbler. These things are a pain in the kiester! My Diva is infatuated with rocks. She has found rocks that look like hearts, stars, even Elvis! She goes on a wild hunt to search for the perfect rocks, stuffs them into her pockets (or anyone elses pockets) and I even caught her stuffing them into her shoes (ouch!). Gravel roads are her Graceland!
So my sister-in-law (whom I love) gave Diva a rock tumbler for Christmas! Oh, Diva had a twinkle in her eye upon opening this gift. You could see her gears turning trying to remember every stinking rock she has shoved in a dresser draw she dubbed “Rocks Only”. Yep, she even designated a whole drawer for them, leaving her undies virtually homeless! *Sigh*
So, my hubby, being the wonderful sensitive guy he is, was equally excited about this gift because it has a motor and lets face it, anything with a motor excites my man. So, after getting Diva all excited thinking she was going to make diamonds with this contraption, hubby reads the directions only to find out it takes up to 3weeks to “Polish” your rocks (no punt intended). What??????
So, genius sets it up downstairs in our once comfortable basement. He turned it on and all I heard was “GRRRRRRRRR, GRRRIIIIINNNNNNDDDDD” . Fabulous! So, we shut the door hoping we wouldn’t hear the stupid thing. Then my hubby leaves for work, and will be gone overnight. I’m stuck listening to the sound of “hell”. Now, a normal person would unplug the thing and transfer it to the garage. I, am not, a normal person. Actually, these last few days I have been rather lazy! So, there was no way I was going to stomp down those stairs (because I would have to come back up and that is WAYYY to much work), grab the hell maker, and take it out to the garage, which by the way, is so full from basement stuff I don’t think a fart could fit in there!
So, I just do what any lazy, non-normal person would do…..I turned the fan on in my bedroom so it would drown out the sound of “hell”. Problem solved! I’m a miracle worker! And in the daytime, I just turn the T.V. up to a deafening volume.
I have a little “Stupid Me” story for y’all! Yesterday I was talking on the phone (like I do everyday) to my friend, Lynard Skynard. She was telling me a story, and my Attention Deficit started acting up. I was only half listening when I remembered, “Oh Crap, I have to call my dad back”. So, the wise one I am, I started looking for the cordless. I was searching under the couch, the dogs, the rugs, everywhere looking for the stupid phone. A panic attack was fast approaching because I CAN’T lose the phone, it is my only connection to the outside world. Finally, after sweating profusely and using words that would make a sailor blush, I realized that the phone was attached to my ear (it’s home!) and Lynard was still talking. *Slap myself on the forehead yelling “Duh”*

Tip: Channel in your teenage “rebellious” years. Take a drive with your mate, find a deserted road, and rock the car! It’s exciting and new all at the same time. *Note: I only promote safe sex! This needs to be stated. Most of my tips are for old, married couples who need some excitement or for boyfriends/girlfriends. If you are sexually active with different partners, for God’s Sake, make sure you are using protection and wrapping the goods. I don’t judge people on their sexual activities however, as any grown person with a half way sane mind knows that sex isn’t worth your life. Okay……better safe then dead with HIV.

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