Friday, February 8, 2008

5 Reasons to turn the lights off!

Yep...I'm going there!

5 Reasons to turn the lights off during whoopie!!!

5) *Sing a song with me to the tune of "Do your Ears hang low"!

Ready?! OK!

"Do you boobs hang low, do they woble too and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

Do Your BOOBS Hang LOW?????"

4) Your cellulite has cellulite!

3) Your cottage cheese on your ass is moldy!

2) The spare tire around your waste is deflated!

And the number 1 reason!

1) Have you ever bent over and looked at your face in the mirror???? I want you to try it! It will look similar to this!

There you have it!
I hope all my wonderful friends have a spectacular day! I see chaos and stress in mine as I have way too much stuff to do!
I'll just double the dosage and call it a day!!!!

And by the way, that moose of a dog Lurch is a cross between the LockNess Monster and Godzilla! Actually, the best educated guess was a Great Dane and St. Bernard. My dad found him roaming the pastures and decided to bring the beast home! He is a lovely dog however I had the pleasure of having this over-grown puppy chained up to my bed to sleep with me! Mom and dad didn't want him roaming freely in the house. I had a queen size bed! Lurch didn't much like being chained up so he would growl, bite, growl, bite, leap towards the door and move my bed across the room! It was terrible! However, he really did turn out to be the best dog ever!!!

And thank you for all the sweet compliments about our family! Diva really is a cupcake however, she is pre-teenager now and her mouth is causing me great distress! I'll make it and she'll stop it as this momma cat doesn't put up with the pre-hormonal shit! She hears the words "Your Grounded" quite often! Usually her grounding consist of no more Webkinz, No friends or No G'ma and Papa's house for the weekend! She's a fast learner, so I'm anticipating good things! But really, she is a doll and I couldn't imagine my life any other way!!!!! So, you will hear me bitch and moan about Diva and hubby however, it's better to bitch here then to bitch at them! Well, sometimes anyway!!!!


Huckdoll said...

Krissy, your energy is amazing to wake up to! Thanks, girl! Enjoy the weekend!

Kathryn said...

OMG!! You just crack me up. I LOVE #3!!!! Hilarious!!!

Kathryn said...

Nope. No nightmares about clowns. But I did dream that I went clothes shopping at KMart, and that is almost as bad as a clown dream.
You'd better stick to your promise! ;)

Mama Zen said...

"Double the dosage and call it a day!" I think that I'm going to make that my new motto!

jess said...

i'll have whatever it is you're having...

Nickie said...

Those things may be true about us girlies, but what about the men--better write a list about them too!

PS--Damn you, now I have that song stuck in my head!!!

Amy said...

Funny, funny!

Sandy C. said...

Honey....after the baby, it's all deflated :(

Hope you're having a fabulous the dark ;)

OHmommy said...

Are you ALWAYS this funny? LOL. Diva is beautiful. Stunning. Mommy, you are so in trouble!

LunaNik said...

I am enjoying these wonderful years while they last. If my girls are anything like I was as a preteen than I am in big, BIG trouble.

Grandy said...

Oh do I SO get that pre-teen attitude!! Thanks for the reminder to turn the lights off. ;)

Mike Golch said...

Krissy,I really love #1 the charpei(wish I could spell)is great,and no I'm not that wrinkled yet.maybe some day especially if I lose the 75 lbs that I need to lose.307 at the doctors the other day,Yipes.