The Breakdown.......

My sign is Cancer in astrology. Sign of the Crab.

We are considered fun, outgoing, and caring.

We are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get our way. If our well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, we are not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, we'll just go back to our shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of our pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.

This is seriously me in a crab shell. I love to hear people laugh. I love to see people smile. I love seeing people happy. I love to laugh, I love to smile, I love being happy. But screw with me and my own and I will not forget and I will prevail. I am vindictive.

Some people consider me immature and irresponsible. I beg to differ. I have fun...yes I do however, I am the first person to line up to help the schools out for my daughter. She is a very well behaved happy child. She doesn't run from me like the plague if I ask her personal questions. We have had the talk about sex, maturity, puberty, and much more. I take care of my husband, I clean my house, I take care of the dogs, I own my own somewhat successful business, I work part-time at Target, and I am an instructor for the Red Cross. I do all the housework and I babysit a number of kids because they all migrate here. I do homework with my daughter, we eat supper together almost every single night and I usually cook the dinner we eat.

Our bills are under control. My 2001 car is paid for, my 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee (that sits in the driveway never used) is paid off, our motorcycle is paid off. We are not choking on credit card debt and in the 4yrs that we have lived in this house, we have paid 1/3 of it off. That is really pretty good.

I don't spend money that we don't have and I don't take out loans on things that will be a ball buster in the end. I have sacrificed a lot so that I can give to my husband and daughter. I spend a lot of time with our extended family and I am very close to my parents and sister and her family plus Craig's family. I don't live up to the Jones. I don't need to be in debt just because so and so has something and I don't. I don't care what others have. I am generally happy for their happiness.

I dominate conversations quite often but most of the time it is because I have something to talk about while others don't have much to say. So, I talk so we are not staring at each other like statues or talking about the f'ing weather.

I've been considered a whiner. Hmmm....well lets break this down. I had a car accident that hurt my back a lot, the floods that have destroyed our home, the mold that caused havoc on our health, spinal meningitis, a hysterectomy and now fibromyalgia (again, I don't take the time to look to see if the spelling is correct, the way I see it is that it absorbs a lot of my life already). My daughter has severe allergies and my husband suffers from them as well. I work hard to keep this under control but damn it.......it deserves a few whines. I take 18 pills a day to help with my health shortcomings. This sucks rotten eggs.

I have fixed friends before. I have fixed their problems and held their hands during some tough times. I have helped friends during parties, celebrations, new babies, etc. Most of the time going unnoticed. I don't do it for the glory, I do it for the friends.

But just when I do that for them and they give me sweet "thank yous" for the time being but then forget. Forget what I do and then start pulling me in reverse. Try doing anything that makes me look like an immature, attention getter, selfish bitch.

I can say this: No more....No more go to girl. No more. You have something special that needs to be taken care of.....call Ghostbusters....not me. You have a party to plan and need help, call a party coordinator because I am not interested. You need a babysitter, call Super Nanny.

All the while all I am doing is having fun. Enjoying my life to the best way possible. Relishing in the good days and not the bad. Celebrating when I don't have deep muscle pains or a wrenching headache that makes me sleep my day away. And I get beat up! I am not a hypochondriac....I am a women suffering. Would you call a person with Cancer a hypochondriac? Just because mine is life threatening doesn't mean it isn't any less of a bother to me.

Me and my husband and my friend play Marco Polo when we are at the mall. We take pictures of things with our phones and then we have to find each other. We are hiding behind curtains and crouching behind shelves. This may sound immature but guess what, we're the ones having fun and the fun-haters are the ones sitting at home doing nothing.

My daughter has always been well behaved. Never throwing fits in a store (with the exception of one time), never smacked me in the face out of anger and never screaming at me in disrespect. Yet, I am the irresponsible one. She talked before she was 1yrs old, she knew some sign language at 2yrs old and was reading at 4yrs old. This was because I read to her, I taught her, I did things with her. I opened her eyes to the outside world because I didn't have to worry about her mood at the time. We didn't schedule our appointments around her behaviors. And I didn't use spanking to do this. Yes....she still has her faults, like any kid, but she is more well behaved then a lot of other children I know.

I want to jump out of a plane, I want to ride every roller coaster there is, I want to dance with my friends, I want to swim with the dolphins, I want to learn to surf. I want to play Marco Polo at JCPenny's and at the local pool. I want to have too much to drink sometimes and meet new people. I want to hang with friends that are not prudes. I want to be me......and I will be. I will fix myself. I will no longer acknowledge the haters in my life and if I am dominating a conversation and you don't like it......tell me. I'm a big girl. I'll deal with it. But before you judge you should consider first if you have anything interesting to talk about.

No more Mrs. Nice Girl. No more Mrs. Fix It. No more Mrs. Go to Girl. That is, unless you are a true friend and you love me for me and then I will do what I do best. Try to fix you.

A song that ones through my head at this point is "Fix You" by ColdPlay. I love this song. It means a lot to me. Because it is the same words I say over and over to myself sometimes. It is MY song.

Go here if you want to listen to MY song.

Tonight me and a few good friends are going to learn a very fun, hip dance from my daughters dance instructor. It was meant just to get some friends together for a pre-birthday fun but of course, some won't be there because I am not important enough. Granted, there are many that have pre-plans and they cannot help that.....but the others who don't feel like it will no longer get help from this firecracker when they need it. And trust me, they will eventually need me for something. Sweet, Sweet revenge.