Friday, July 25, 2008

It's time to breathe.....

Hectic, chaotic, disorganized, frantic, ill, sad, mad, sad, happy, moody, happy.

This has been my life. And it isn't really going to change anytime soon. Actually, *sigh*, it may get worse.

So I breathe in and I breathe out. Then I ask "Who Farted?" and then I try to breathe in and out again but gag on the stench. And when I breathe through my mouth I swear, I can taste the nasty.

And then I realize that I am out of control. I'm in a state of frenzy. My vocabulary is usually "What, where, when, why, WTF, piss, how long, NO, your driving me nuts, What do you mean, why are you bothering me again, I cannot do it, I can do it, I'm going to lite myself on fire!"

And then it's "My back hurts, my neck, my head, my legs, my body, my bowels, my teeth......everything hurts, even my big toe!"

And then I get 5 new books to read, one of them being my fav of favs Janet Evanovich's "Fearless Fifteen" and I can't fricking get through a page without being rudely interrupted by someone! Some cute little girl with sparkling blue eyes, 2 black naughty dogs with devil in their blood or one terrific husband with a gifted mind. Can I be mad at them??? You bet your mother's ass I can. And I do! I try sitting on the shitter just to get away but it doesn't work. It doesn't! Because they can still talk to me through the door or whine because one of the damn dogs has to be with me at all times. I cannot escape them.

I know, I can always be worse. I hate that freaking saying even though I know it's true. But I want to gripe and complain because I am going to start riding the short bus soon people. No.I.Am.Not.Kidding! I really am going to ride the short bus for a wine tasting day but that's not the point. I mean the short bus where I am drooling from the mouth and speaking in tongues. That is going to be me.

So, when you don't hear from me, call out the brigade b/c it means that this firecracker momma blew her fuse. Ka-Pow!

And tomorrow is the Lawn Mower Poker Run. Yes, our little hick town actually has a lawn mower poker run. You wouldn't believe how fun this is. But we don't own a riding lawn mower because we don't really need one. So, I have been on a hunt for a freaking lawn mower. Ridiculous but I will be riding in that damn poker run and NOT be working for the damn fire department. And then there is karaoke and my b'day party and I am planning on getting drunk out of my mind. I might throw up through my nose, I might throw up in my purse, I might throw up in the grass, I might throw up while singing or I might pee my pants. Or, I might fart and deny it. I may just do it all. And come Sunday I will refuse to regret my drunkenness. Okay, I will say my usual "I will never drink again" but as for regrets. And I might run into my arch enemy and kick him in his man being. I might drop kick his ass and stomp on his man danglers. I might just do it. And I'll get his little whore too.......ha, ha, ha! Those hooligans are still speaking rudely about me and I'm getting pisser and pisser. I don't even talk to these fuck-ups! Seriously, why me??

And I might wanna quite this post before I get the police called on me!!! This is my 3rd post today. Why? Because I am trying to find my inner peace and this is it. my sex post (2 of them) if you wish!

Merry Christmas! What, is that a sign that I'm loosing brain cells?


April said...

Holy CRAP!! I'm exhausted after reading all of this! lol

Honey, deep breath in, now let it out slowly...things will get better. THEY WILL NOT REMAIN SHITTY FOREVER. And I say, take some time out for yourself...can you go take a walk ALONE maybe? Or get a manicure? Or even just go to the store and window-shop to just get away for a little bit??

Kathryn said...

Aww. Hang in there lady! I hope you find your inner peace too.

And great sex posts!

And THANK YOU for turning off your word verification!!! Yay you! I actually have directions on how to do it on my sidebar, but don't you feel proud of yourself for figuring it out? ;)

Have a great weekend!

OHmommy said...

Hang in there sweetie,

Breath, breath, breath.

BTW. My entire family rad your sweet comment to Jay. You were everyone's favorite. You are the best. You have a special place in MY heart,

now breath.

Michelle said...

Our small town actually has a tractor parade. Good times had by all.