Friday, July 25, 2008

Get your sex on.....

So think back.....think back in time when you first started dating your husband.......think real hard. Now think about the moment you had all your firsts. The first time he held your hand, the first time you kissed, the first time he told you he loved you and the first time you had sex.

Do you remember the butterflies in your tummy? Do you remember feeling like you were drunk on life? Do you remember thinking that this feeling would never go away. The first did you feel. Like rubber afterwards? Like you couldn't move even if you were on fire? Like you just felt a glimpse of pure orgasm heaven? Ya, there may be a orgasm heaven....don't doubt me! Just think!

Now fast forward. One to five kids later, dogs, home, Is sex even in your agenda? Do you consider it your nirvana? Do you think of it as a very important task? Or do you excuse yourself and your thoughts of sex by saying things like "I'm tired" or "The kids might walk in" or "I had to deal with too much shit today!" Do you have sex just to satisfy your mate or do you ignore him all together because "for better or worse," the man is roped to me for life. Did you realize that the percentage of married couples who have sex less then 20times a year is astronomical!!!!!! That the vast majority of married couples forget intimacy, pleasure, gratification, seduction, orgasms. Did you know that the majority of women go through sex like a chore. A responsibility instead of intimacy. Are you one of the women who fake the orgasm, oh and aww on command, but the entire time you are balancing your checkbook in your head. Are you scared yet????

Some animals have sex just to have babies. That is it. No good feeling, no love, no compassion. Not even a really good lay for criminey out loud. Do you realize that if you are having sex as a duty instead of passion, you fit in the same category as such animals. Brutally honest....but I have to give it straight.

So, I have to say this to you if you fall in this category! What in Sam's Hell is wrong with you???? Yes, I know life is exhausting. Been there, done that. But sex is a mindset as well. How much self control do you have? If you think of sex as a stress reliever, you are on the right track. Because you are considering sex as a pleasure instead of an errand. Do you have orgasms? Do you fake it and hope that tonight is the night that your hubby is a "one pump and dump" man? Are you thrilled when it lasts less then a minute?

Mindset!! Think of it as sexiness. You are sexy. Your hubby wants you and that makes you sexy. You are precious to him and you are the one he chose to have sex with for the rest of his life. That is unless you never give it to him and he finds affection through another women. One that is excited to please him. Yes, again, brutally honest but true. Most men cheat because they don't get satisfied at home. And women cheat because they are not getting their needs met. Whatever needs those may be. For women they differ. For men, sex is number one on his list. It's a proven fact. Don't argue.

Did you know that most women would rather shop then have sex. So translate that for your man: "She is too tired to have sex with me but isn't too tired to walk the mall 5X's searching for those perfect pair of shoes!" Hmmm...that just cut the testicles off of the man.

I target women more on this because I am a woman and I have felt this way. I changed it. I realized that I actually do enjoy sex, when I am thinking about sex while having it. When I am not concerned about tomorrows agenda. And I realized that after a orgasm, my mood is happy, my man's mood is happy, and everyone is happy. I entered into "Orgasm Heaven!" Told you there was such a thing. Don't argue.

Raunchy, hot, raw sex isn't for the young and single. It can be for you too. You can change it up, one night make it romantic with candles, edible undies, a few potions to whip up some intimacy. Then the next time make it hot! Use bondage if you are into it. Bondage doesn't have to involve whips and chains. Furry handcuffs work well or using some of your sexy fishnet stockings to tie to the bed. Switch it up!!!! Get a gosh dang vibrator already! Don't argue!

And when you see more happiness in your relationship you can thank me, firecracker, for evolving you into a housewife by day and a sexual wildcat by night.

Grrrrr! Now go get your "sex on!"


DysFUNctional Mom said...

One pump and dump? hahaha!
Seriously....20 times a year? That's just sad.
I like to think of myself as a "lady in the street, freak in the sheets".

Tara R. said...

I so admire you... really! I need a different mind set, thanks for the nudge (nudge, wink, wink(.