Friday, July 25, 2008

Out with the old, in with the new SEX POST!

You know what I always hear? I always hear "I have a toy, I've had it forever!" I understand that you can grow a very intimate relationship with your dildo but people, this is like using an old beat up Oldsmobile when you can have the Cadillac. It's time to move forward and say goodbye to "old faithful!"

Technology changes all the time. Most of us fall victim to always needing the new stuff. Big screen t.v.'s, brand new dishwasher, upgrades in the mac daddy of cars. We have all done it.

Technology has changed in sex toys as well. And you don't know what you are missing because you are "hooked on that old feeling!" I will guarantee that when you finally get the nerve to retire "old faithful" and set it aside in a knee high sock, you will be excited to reach a whole new level of Orgasms. The best orgasm ever.

I'm not a pack rat. I have done away with the old and stocked up on the new. I have leaped into the wonderful world of satisfaction. I have yet to be disappointed! I have been very far from disappointment. I have been very, very far from disappointment. Oh, I am soooooo not disappointed.

What sounds more appealing to you? A semi-charged toy that will do the job but not make your toes curl and your eyes rolling into the back in your head or have the Hemi that makes your toes curl and your eyes rolling back in you head and relish in pure orgasm bliss?

I also have special boxes to hide such toys. No one wants their child to come out with guests at your house with a really cool sword. This is a box that would prevent disasters happening. It is easier for kids to get into Area 51 then to open up the toy box. Throw the sock away. This makes me shudder. Gross.

So, out with the old and in with the new. I'm sure you don't have shag carpet and orange walls in your home and that you have moved forward to the future. The dildo deserves the same respect.

Don't disrespect the dildo! It isn't fair. They deserve better. They deserve to "RIP!" You could even bury it and have a small service for it but even I, the craziest of crazies, would find that a little odd.

And it is an investment. An investment to shudder bliss. It is your time to enjoy a 3 in 1 toy. You deserve the Cadillac of vibrators. Yes you do!!!

And don't forget about your man. There are plenty of toys for him as well. Toys that work for both of you at the same time. Enhancement! You know what I mean. But there are also toys for him that are for the nights you have "headaches" or "your period" or "hemorrhoids swelling!"
He can still be happy without even bothering you.

So, give up the old, say goodbye, have a funeral and get with the program. It is time.

5 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Hemi.
hee hee

Bedroom Divas said...

Hey Krissy, when are you going to send me some submissions for the website? I'd like to use this one if you don't mind. Be on the lookout for a new and improved site.

Kel said...

haha..I like the funeral idea...
"Here lies old faithful, he worked it till the end!"
hahahaha
~K

Don Mills Diva said...

And now I am blushing.

Just wanted to say I did throw your name around at BlogHer (i mentioned you twice ok?!) and I LOVED your comment on my privacy post - I would love to see you deal with the troll who threatened you or your family - you would SO kick ass!

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

Hemi now that is a new one LMAO!