Sunday, July 13, 2008

Ummmm....I think I have astroids in my stomach.....

Good Gracious oh mighty......

I'm burping fire and I feel like my guts are so gaseous that I might explode. I'm like a ticking time bomb.

Ya see.....besides mental instabilities, forgetfulness, chronic fatigue and physical pain....I have digestive issues too. If you are confused, let me break it down for you.....I can't drop a load.

Can't do it...I've tried everything from mineral oil, enemas (shuddering), stool softeners, colon cleanse, sitting on the porcelain bowl breathing in and out, crying, praying, laxatives. Oh God the laxatives.....makes you feel like you are trying to shit a saw blade. The cramps are like I'm birthing an elephant.

And then I get crabby. And then I just walk around in circles because sitting is painful, moving is painful, laughing is painful, crying is painful. So, I just walk around trying to figure out what feels better.

And then I get muscle pains and feel like I've got the flu. But it isn't the flu. It's Fibromylgia. It's a part of me now. And I am feeling like I am beat up! More beat up then a lonely man's peter. Yeah, it's that bad.

And I know people are sick of me crying, whining and bitching. But I don't want to be the whiner. But I can't help it so your stuck with me.

I'm burping farts now.....not kidding. Serious indigestion. Holy Hell, what next. And when I am finally able to drop the kids off at the pool, it will feel like I am shitting a cactus out of my ass.

Just saying.......
You won't be able to recover from this post. Ever. I apologize for your disturbing thoughts. But at least you aren't the one that smells like you just sucked a fart out of a cows ass. It could be worse. I'm not too optimistic right now so I cannot think of any thing that would be worse right now..........

Maybe my husband telling he can help (put your minds in the gutter to translate his proposal!)
Perv!

7 comments:

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh Krissy you're hilarious even when you're in pain. I'm so sorry...


BTW - I will definitelythrow your name around at BlogHer!

Kel said...

OMG - this is so how I didn't expect to start my monday...but oh well, too late now! Sorry life is so 'crappy' for you right now - hopefully it will 'clear up' soon! :)
~K

sltbee69 said...

LMAO! "Sucking farts out of a cow's ass". I'm sorry you are in so much pain but that is just too funny! I have an inkling of what you are feeling. I've always had digestion issues too. I'm going to make a suggestion, something that has helped me immensely. Probiotics. I pop one of those before bed every night and I'm ready to go, literally,within 15-20 minutes of waking up. You need some good belly bugs to keep things healthy in there. If you want more info about it, email me. I hope your pain comes to an end soon. BTW - my hubby's solution has always been the perverted.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Ewww! I hope you feel better soon. You poor thing!

April said...

Ugh, that sounds so painful! I'm sorry!!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Sorry for the pain.

But....I think I need therapy after reading this post! (hee-hee)

Hope you feel better soon!

Stacy said...

Oh, so sorry to hear you are in this pain on top of everything else. After I birthed my first I was bedridden due to the epidural (for 11 days) and couldn't do it for over a week, regardless of how many stool softeners I took. Plus I couldn't really do much straining as I was ripped almost from one hole to the next (thank you vacuum!) and didn't want to break the stitches. So, while I can't imagine what it is like to live with everyday I have an inkling of your massive discomfort. :(