Monday, March 10, 2008

My blog friends unite!!!!

Alright, hot damn it! I want to meet you all! I want to party with you all, drink some margarita's and laugh all night long! I want to party like a teenager with a fake I.D.

Here's what South Dakota has to offer! Wannabe cowboys who wear the 10gallon hats and drive Chevy Cavilers (their fat heads with their fat hat's barely fit and they drive with their head sideways!), women who wear clothes that are 2X's too small for them, lots and lots of corn, even more cows, crappy roads that will give you a hell of a ride if you are in the backseat drunk, it's just like Disney World! We also have waterfalls, yep, waterfalls! It's beautiful and I love being there but I must warn you.....it's not Niagara Falls or anything! If we drive 6hrs from my home we can go see the President heads carved inside a mountain.....that would be fun! Oh, did I mention the invigorating smell of cow shit??? Oh, Oh, we can ride a horse if you want! Yee-Haw! And if you come at the right time, you can come on the Lawnmower Poker Run that my little town does every year!

Granted, I do live near a big city, or big for us! We have malls, entertainment, bars, bars, bars! Nice restaurants and in those restaurants we have bars!!! And we do have an airport so you can all just fly if you want! And we have big planes! So no puddle jumpers (well some, but not all!)

Do you like corn??? Well, do ya?? Cuz we got plenty of corn! And I think we have more corn around here then most states cuz when the town shares a pair of dentures that only have a few teeth; corn isn't the most popular vegetable! Unless someone cuts it off the ear for ya!

So come join me! Did I mention that we all consume a ton of alcohol because we really don't know what else to do??? We do have museums and theaters, if that is your thing!

Just don't be disturbed by all the toothless people, cuz they can't bite you! The may try to "gum" you, but it won't hurt any!!! Promise!!! If you are a dentist, you could make a killing here!!!


(property of the town I live in!)
Coming soon......
A post all about how my Diva is being all sorts of pre-teenish and has been threatened to be grounded back to the uterus (I would need to find a donor and all because I don't have my womenly parts anymore.....any takers?) Yeah, it's been real fun around our abode! Her mouth, ohhh that mouth! She is two shakes away from sitting with Lava soap in that face hole! My patience is worn so thin it's bleeding! I'll tell you all about her consequence chart based on a strike system.....5 strikes and your out! Today is Monday, a new beginning, and the kid already has 3 strikes! All within a few hours! I love that kid with every ounce of my being however, I don't like this little person that has replaced my sweet, loving, adoring baby girl! And I'll also write about how she is in 4th grade and already wants to wear makeup to school and shave her legs and pits! And might I add that she is very concerned about growing hair "south of the belt." Yeah, she is freaked about having hair in her part that pee. And I'll write about how she found out about sex in 3rd grade from an older girl on the playground! So, we have had talks about things that this watery eyed mother didn't want to talk about so soon! If my child didn't purposely aggravate me, I would so be homeschooling. However, at least she is telling me about her conversations (The boy puts the part that pees in the girls part that pees! Nice, eh?). Since I already pretty much just wrote about this, I guess maybe there won't be another post! We'll see what drama tomorrow brings!!! It's a whole new "full of whines" day!
Good day dear friends!!!!

14 comments:

Sandy C. said...

Wow! I'm dreading the day I have to go through this with my daughter....and if I ever have to have teeth in a cup like that!!! *shudders*

Hang in there sweetie. You must be doing something right if she's talking to you about this :)

Brittany said...

Did you say bars? I think you mentioned that once or twice. ;)

I'll party. I need to get out!!

Kathryn said...

Oh boy. Maybe I should just keep having boys, huh? That way the hubby can talk to them about sex. Wait. Scratch that. I think I will still be the one to talk to them about sex. Who knows what the hubby would come up with.
I'm up for some bar hopping!!!

Did you check that link I gave you the other day? Did it make you pee yourself???

N said...

Wow; and for some reason I thought you liked living here in our fine state! Well, just to let you know, my g-ma takes real good care of her teeth and rarely leaves them in the cup. In fact I'm hoping to get those willed to me so that I don't have to go out and spend any of my hard earned cash when I need some!!!

PS--the "hair down there" talk is actually not so bad when you have a good relationship with the girl--I've talked with my niece on several occasions about sexual things (she's 11) and since we are close and can joke about things, it goes well--especially since she still thinks that boys have cooties (well, except for those Nickelodeon boys)!!!!

April said...

at least there are places you can go drown your sorrows! sorry about your daughter - not looking forward to that at all...in fact, I was a little sad last night when I realized my two can no longer bathe together (5 and 3). :-(

Amy said...

Oh I feel you on Diva! I did let my 11 year start shaving in the 4th grade though. She needed it!

Don Mills Diva said...

If I lived closer I would so be storming the bars with you and eating my weight in corn.

Mike Golch said...

Her's a hugh cop of coffee to you and party on! I'll be the DD.something I never was when I was in the good old USAF.I was the guy that had to be driven home all the time.

FUN-ky Mama said...

LOVE that picture!! HA HA
My oldest daughter is 12 and also driving me crazy with that smart mouth! I told her to leave it at school, she can talk snotty to her friends but she is NOT talking to me like that! My claws are OUT! lol

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