Thursday, March 27, 2008

I've still got sizzle in y fra-zizzle!

I can still attach my lips to any one's asses to get what I want!

I don't care that my nose is brown, I don't care that I smell shit on a daily basis.......I am an ass kisser, and I am proud of it!!!

Well, okay, so it doesn't work out like that! I just realized that I can schmooze a liver right out of a persons body! Okay, I'm not that good, but I'm a damn good actress.

You see, Target is trying to raise money for a little boy struggling with cancer. He is 3yrs old and is quite possibly, the cutest 3yr old I have ever laid eyes on! His family is struggling financially, emotionally, etc. We are working hard for some funds. Some good ole' fashion donations. It's part of "Oprah's Big Give!" Target in Sioux Falls got some money from the Queen herself, Oprah! So cool!

So, my hubby's stupid ass boss that I despise and want to rip his tongue out and strangle him with it was in Sioux Falls yesterday. He's resides in Minnesota. Anyway, I marched myself into the office, looking all professional (even I snickered there because I fell out of the car upon arriving there!) and gave the spiel. I looked like I was delighted to see him (even though I had nasty thoughts running through my head) and planted my lips right up against his tight ass. He is looking into doing a very large donation, that would help us out tremendously. Now why would he do this? Well, because at this point he is actually kissing my husband's ass and knows that if he gets on my good side, I can persuade my hubby into anything. He is obviously married and knows the rules!

Anyway, this fundraising thing is excruciating. It is pain saking b/c so many big businesses will not comply! It's sorta sad. I know that many big corporations donate quite often, but when it is something local and big like this....I would assume they would be more apt to handing over the green. I was wrong!

Oh well.....It's a challenge, and I love challenges.

And by the way, can I tell you something that I hate??? People who don't use deodorant! I have smelled the most rank smells while working at Target. Stinky, Nasty, Hot Garbage smells. It isn't instead of the 15bags of chocolate, maybe a stick of deodorant! And, while I'm at it.....why do people leave the house without brushing their teeth??? I really don't want to stereotype or anything, but they are always the nasty fat pigs that have food stains all over their white t-shirts and sweat pants. So Gross!!!

I'm on a mission to take better care of myself so I don't have "Dunlap Disease" (your gut has "done lapped over your belt") Seriously, if you don't like this word, forgive me....but I call it "Blubber Pu$$y" I just threw up a bit and swallowed it! Ack!!!

Anyway, if you have any great techniques for getting some donations, send them my way. This little boy deserves it, trust me! Just to give you an idea about this family: The dad works his ass off at night and then helps with Ayden's care. The mom's job was downsized while she was on a leave while Ayden was in radiation and they lost their insurance and had a pay cut. They have an older child who has a family of his own and they have moved in now to help care for Ayden and get him to his chemo appointments. And all the while, the mom still volunteers for "meals for wheels!"

They are amazing!

Because I spoke of nasty smelly fat's my pic for the day!


Mike Golch said...

dude you are amazing!

Brittany said...

That is so awesome! It's ok to kiss butt... for a good cause.... or just for the heck of it. Great job.

Gross photo. I actually puked in my mouth a little....

Oh- shoe size. I wear a 6 or 6.5. I have some tiny feet :)

LaskiGal said...

I had to visit, finally, after reading some of your comments on other posts!

What a post to be greeted with! Girl, do what ya gotta do--it is all for a good cause. As for generating some funds--generate some buzz using the BLOG world. That may help--engage the local schools, churches--HUGE on providing charity for those deserving souls.

Finally, that picture scares me . . . really, it does.

noble pig said...

Oh gwad I was laughing so, so hard. It's true what you say about the hot garbage breath and stained clothes. I think they eat onion sandwiches.

You are such a character and good luck with fund raising, they are lucky to have you.

Mama Zen said...

If anybody can get the local corporates to hand over some money, it's you!

Nissa said...

What a great cause! I can't believe you're not getting more corporate sponsorship! Wish I had some advice, but I'm not really a saleswoman..

I bet you see alot of wierdos at Target, but look on the brightside; you could work at *barf* Walmart!

Target rocks.

April said...

I totally understand your frustration...people call at my job often to get donations (for really worthwhile organizations) but I know at my job they budget a certain amount of money each year for sucks cuz then they end up missing a really good chance to donate to something else!

You're a good girl. :-)

Kathryn said...

Good for you! Butt kissing for a good cause! :)

N said...

Wow, look at the man boobs on that picture--they even create a shadow on his abdomen! Anyway, good for you for asking for donations--it's always hard to get people to give up their hard earned cash. And since I've seen you in action, I would be willing to bet if you keep talking they will give you the money just to get you to go away! It really seems to work for some people!

Huckdoll said...

Good for you, Krissy! I don't think i could say no to you woman :) Good luck in the fund raising, such an great cause.

LunaNik said...

When it's for a good cause you are no longer an ass kisser, you are a collection agent. Plain and simple.

And, yeah, no deodorant?? Come on people, get with the program!!