Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Tonight...Let's talk about Superbowl Party Anxiety....shall we?

We are hosting the Superbowl Party here, at my abode. The same house that I am completely anal in. The one that I work on cleaning everyday of my sick sadistic life. I'm shitting knives right now. Do you know what that is like? Shitting knives is very painful indeed.

Here's the low down. It's the mass amounts of complete brats children that will be running rampant. I'm talking a mass quantity of other people's children.

There are days that I don't even like my own child in the house because she is filthy. Seriously, I am that anal. No lies.

Last party here, with screaming children in attendance, a non-listening misfit spilled Koolaide on my beige almost white carpet after I repeatedly told her to keep her drink in the kitchen, on the hardwood floors.

Most of the kids that are coming listen NIL. I'm not saying my daughter is a saint. However, she respects other peoples property with the highest regard. She listens because she is soft hearted and fears being yelled at by other adults. I'm not going to go into how she doesn't give a rat's hairy ass what I yell at her. Nope. Not going down that road tonight. I'm already having a stroke because of the pending party. No need to have heart palpitations as well.

I am not shitting you because you are my favorite turd about these children NOT listening. They Do.Not. They are loud, obnoxious, rude, disrespectful and don't have boundaries. They are not welcomed to most homes because of their destructive behavior. And the parents are 100% clueless about this. They are lazy parents. They ignore their behaviors instead of dealing with them. And I am not that kinda parent. And I want to drop-kick their bratty asses.

Scratch that. I don't want to spank them as I fear I wouldn't have the control to stop once I started. They are really that bad.

I have to try and lock my daughters door to her room in fear that they will conquer it once again. Yep. They've done it before. Her door doesn't have a lock on it. I'm not sure how to get around that bygone.

I want to hide anything that could be broken and is sentimental or worth something. This would be every.single.thing.we.own. That is a fail.

I'm praying for nice sunny weather so they can be locked entertained outdoors. At least I don't have to worry about writing on the wall or Koolaide stains on the carpet.

I cannot talk to the parents, because they don't listen. Believe me, we have tried. Tried.Failed.Tried Again.Failed.

I have recruited others and told them that if they see anything in their harms way, to scold them or find me and I will scold them. They are officially activated for duty.

I'm going to bribe the older children to babysit them, which means I will have to sell a kidney to pay them considering the job will be challenging and hard. Harder then they will ever work. But it is a small price to pay.

I'm gonna hire the freaking FBI and have them stand in. Maybe they could lessen the blow to my house. Doubtful.

The anxiety attack will continue until we get through the party and I can visually that my house is still standing. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

7 comments:

Brittany said...

We are having one, too. And I am freaking out, too...for the same reasons... AND because I have been sick, and haven't been able to CLEAN for THREEEEEEE days! I am seriously freaking out. AH!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I have zero patience for kids who don't listen. ZERO. I couldn't do it. You're a cooler mom than me!

Patois said...

And you are having these horrible parents with their equally horrible children over because...these are your friends? No, that couldn't be it. 'Cause why would you be friends with them. These are family?

Kel said...

Good luck! ;) I know how you feel...we are having the Superbowl party at our house (why is it that I get suckered into these things again?) and yes we have very light colored carpet in the main room the kids play in. I've learned instead of giving them kool-aid I fill up a cooler/tub with capri juice pouches - the flavored water kind. A) the kids like it cuz they think it's cool, B) it has no added sugar so there is less extra energy to burn off of their already massive amounts, c) if they manage to make it out of the dining/livingroom area with it (ie sneak past the door warden) it won't stain my carpet if it gets on it.

I have to say though, most of the kids at our party are under the age of 8 and I have some pretty good 'military' type parents who will snatch up any kid they see and set them strait, but in no way does that lessen the loud, craziness that is these kids when they get grouped together.

But good luck to you - just call if you need backup and I'll send over some big burly military guys to 'whip them into shape' :) hehe
~K

sltbee69 said...

That is exactly why I don't host parties at my house.

Huckdoll said...

Happy Super Bowl Eve, babe!! LOL.

DUDE. I am SO. NOT. THAT PARENT.

You'd love to have me and my monkeys in your home even though I'd much rather come alone with wine in my purse, hehe. But no, it's all in the parenting. Obviously these parents just come over and let the kids go wild. They probably sit on the sidelines and act like someone else is taking care of their kid or that their kiddos don't need to be watched. It's sad and maddening. In a way, I even feel a bit bad for the kids with parents like that!

Ok, there's my rant.

Try and enjoy yourself tomorrow, Krissy...I will be thinkin' bout ya!!

xo

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