Sunday, January 11, 2009

Holy Hell.....

Last night was the first night I shit myself since last week I was a child.

Picture it. I was all snuggled in bed for the night. It was a good day filled with happy memories of family and friends. I was content and I was ready for a good night's rest. My husband lay next to me with contentment and gas. We just got home from hanging out with some sweet friends and we were pretty exhausted as our old asses shouldn't be out too late.

Earlier in the night me and my husband had date night. We went to a PG movie alone and it was fantastic. It was our second selection though because I was geared up to go see "The Unborn" which is supposed to be a pretty freaky show. I had it in my mind that I could handle seeing a show that pumps up my blood. Thank Goodness we didn't go.

As I was almost into my slumber....I hear something faint in the background. At first I shrugged it off as nothing or my imagination and closed my eyes again. Ten minutes later I awoke to a very disturbing sound.

I am not kidding when I say that it sounded like the devil himself. And then it resembled a ghost trying to talk from beyond the grave. You know what I am talking about. The words are drawn out, it echos a bit, it scares the living daylight out of me. Think of a ghost movie you know and listen to the ghost trying to speak. I would find it on youtube but I don't know how to add a video onto my blog. Plus, I am too spooked out to do it. But it really comes down to I don't know how to add a video to my blog. Blog failure.

Anyway, I smacked my husband and asked him if he heard it. He lazily said yes....he heard it too. And then went back to sleep. What the hell?

I'm on freak out time now. I swore there was a ghost or the devil in my abode. I started praying. I started chanting "The devil is not welcome here, you are not welcome here." I was seriously wigging.

I smacked my husband again.

"Listen Gosh Damn it. I heard it again. What the hell is it? Pray. Pray you idiot. Pray."

He rolls over and said:

"It's your screen saver on your laptop. You didn't shut it off. Can you please stop smacking me now?"

I considered his explanation and realized that it was in fact my screen saver. Then I realized my computer was possessed. Shit balls.

I smacked my husband again.

"Would you go shut the freaking thing off so I can get some sleep then?"

With a couple of cuss words, a lot of farting and probably thoughts of committing me to a psycho ward, he shut the possessed computer off.

In short. My computer is possessed. A priest will be here shortly. The End.

P.S. You must scroll down to and click on the link to a funny as shit youtube video. You will feel better about your own spawn after seeing it. And again. I cannot add videos to my blog. In case you have not noticed. I need help. And for God sakes, can somebody please instruct me on how to make my blog all pretty and nice. Seriously, I am sick to hell of my blog being generic. This is a plead for help people. Help me make my blog pretty. Pretty pretty please. Please.Please.Please. Help me.

The End.

5 comments:

Tara R. said...

Geez.... I would have crapped myself too. I get creeped out when I leave my cell phone on and I can hear the missed message beep.

Wish I could help you with the vid stuff. I've never tried to add one to eblogger before either.

Huckdoll said...

I can't help you with the prettiness as I've always just used standard Blogger and Wordpress templates. Well, except for the one super HTML coder geek Baby Daddy did for me on Huckdoll's Hood. Anyway.

To embed a youtube video, just call up the video and over in the top right hand grey box, there are two link options: URL and Embed.

Click on Embed and copy that code into the HTML of your post.

Easy peasy! Let me know how that works for you :)

Queen of the Mayhem said...

One of The Princess's dolls did this when she was little. It was supposed to say, "I love you...please hug me,"..in a syrupy sweet voice. One day when I threw it a little too hard and missed her toy box..the voice box busted. What erupted from that doll sounded like the voice of Satan himself! One quick trip to the dumpster and all was right with the world again! :)

Brittany said...

I get creeped out when toys go off, in the toy box! I've never had my computer freak me out, at night, though. I hope it never happens.

Patois said...

I hate things that make noises -- dead or unlive or undead.