Monday, January 26, 2009

I feel pretty...Oh so pretty....

Last night, we came home very late. We had a full day of visiting family and homework, for once, took the back burner. It felt good to be honest with you. Homework is a thorn in my muffin top. Blah.

So. After leaving to go home about 2 hours later then planned and with more then a hour drive to go, I read my daughter's book to her about Annie Oakley, with a flashlight no less. We arrived home at about 11:30pm. Not good considering we had the daunting homework to finish. I convince my daughter that we will blast through it in the morning and it was better that she go to bed so she isn't cranky and sassy in the morning. Honestly, I cannot handle the cranky-whiny butt attitude in the a.m. any longer without growing gray.

This morning, instead of waking a few moments earlier, we accidentally overslept. My morning homework plan failed miserably. I tossed and turned all night and went to bed well past my bedtime. I was bushed and couldn't pull my pants down to pee let alone do homework. We ate some breakfast and I decided to let my daughter go into school later.

After doing the homework, I quickly showered and dressed. At this point, my eyes began to puff, my nose was stuffed and I broke into hives all from allergies. I quickly swallowed some benedryl, fixed my hair or just ran a brush through it and pushed my girl out the door. Upon arriving to the school I noticed that I put on the wrong color socks and SHOES. Yes. I had on two different pair of tennis shoes.

High Fives all around!

I barely got home with my eyes open. Did I mention that it was snowy and my puffed eyes were having a difficult time focusing because of all the white? And I was so tired. And did I mention that the day before, I had threw my back out something fierce?

And so, I had the wrong colored socks on and two different pairs of tennis shoes, I was doped on benedryl, my eyes looked like I just smoked crack, I had hives and my back was having spasms. Whoopity-Doo....this was going to be a great day.

Can I get a round of applause????

I managed to make it home, noticed my car had a flat, slipped on the ice for the 400th time this winter and screamed in agony. Foul words were rampantly escaping my trashy mouth.

Do you wish you were me yet?

I limped into the house, looking like I either needed a cane or a wheelchair. Nonetheless, I looked like an old blue-hair.

I went straight to bed. But for the life of me, couldn't sleep.

My husband wanted to know if I wanted to run to the DMV to get the plates for the new year with him. Stupidly, I agreed. I never took my shoes off once I got into bed. I know, it is wrong but I was freaking tired and close to tears.

So. I leave with my husband, and realize that I am still wearing my different paired shoes. I shrug and say out loud: "Who freaking gives a rat's ass?" My husband looks at me like I am sprouting horns.

Before we enter the DMV, I take a quick peek in the mirror. Imagine my surprise to see my hair sticking straight up, my mascara down to my chin(s) and I'm missing an earring. I once again yell: "Screw it." My husband understands my words this time as he is looking at me in horror. I limped into the DMV, looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame and Medusa.

I was pretty.

Note. I even braved the grocery store and soon realized that I was not the only one having a bad day. I saw a mom get puked on, in which she simply wiped the chunks off and went on her merry way. I saw a grandma with her skirt tucked into her dress and a whore with a skirt on that could only be described as a tube top used as a skirt.

Here's some funny commercials sent to me via email. It made me smile so it should do wonders for you. :0)


Kel said... know I frequently go to the walmart in my sunday best (pajamas with a sweatshirt over top of my braless self) much to the hubbys dismay, however when wondering around the mall yesterday I noticed LOTS of women walking around in sweatshirts and pajama bottoms AND houseshoes. So I felt much better about myself....the point I'm trying to make is if you lived here in BFE - you would fit right in (mismatched shoes and all! :)

Mike Golch said...

Krissie,Great posting. I have a couple of awards that you can have for the grabbing.I hope that you are having a great day!

Tara R. said...

Bless you little heart! I hope you're back from the brink soon and feeling better.

April said...

God DAMN I hope your day today was a bit BETTER? Please tell me it was? LOL

P.S. I saw a girl at the Outback on Saturday night wear fuzzy pink slippers. SLIPPERS. Mmmm-hmmm. So I think you can get away with mis-matched tennis shoes. LOL