Will Nature survive the wild beast?
Will the wild beast survive nature?
Tomorrow my husband and I are going to partake in a "Birthday Bash" that my wonderful sister-in-law has so thoughtfully arranged. It is about a 3hr drive for us. We will be going with nothing but the bare essentials. A few clothes, sleeping bags, pillows, deodorant (because I wish for no one to smell my body odor....ewww!), toilet paper and some food.
It will be a test. A bonafide test to see if I; hot flashing, menopausal, part-time psycho, full time whacko; will be able to survive nature. To see if I can give up air condition for a mere 24hrs. To see how well I can pee in the woods. To see if I can take a bath in a dirty pond. To see if I can dig a hole to poop in (you dig a hole so you can cover it up after. This is important. You don't want someone else stepping in your shit.) To see if I can make edible food over a open flame. To see just how well nature likes me or how much I like it! To see if I can handle the wild animals and slimy snakes. To see if I can make the mile long hike planned. To see if I can survive bugs!
I have my work cut out for me. In the past, when I have used a bush for a toilet, I usually pee down my leg. I usually have a difficult time sleeping. I usually fret about snakes crawling into my sleeping bag. I have never pooped outside. My daughter has many of times, so I will be getting advice from her before we leave. I have burnt corn over my stove top before. I sweat like a hog in the air condition. I like bathing in clean water. I've never been considered a "Nature Girl" before. Never, Ever, Ever!!!! I didn't mention that I would be using a plastic spoon to dig my hole if nature called. If nature did call, I don't think I would have time to dig a hole with a flimsy piece of plastic!
Actually, I kid you. I will be outdoors but if I get too hot, I can go inside my air conditioned cabin. And the toilet has running water. And there is a shower. And there is a swimming pool. And a Zip-Line. And a grill. And actually, my sister-in-law is making all the food. And I don't have to go on the mile long hike if I don't want too. And we will be drinking Margarita's. And there will be over 30 people there to kill a snake if I see one. I will wear bug spray too. And there will be a hay ride. And a campfire. And dirty practical jokes pranked on the men (Women Vs. Men). And we are actually going to a restaurant to eat supper.
And I gauran-fricking-tee that I will have a super time. And all my troubles and worries are going to be left at home. And I will relish in a stress-free adult night.
I must tell you though...the digging a hole to crap in is a very useful piece of information. I learned this a few years ago, when we did a Niobrara trip (Niobrara River is in Nebraska. You lay on tubes all day long while the current takes you down to your campground. The water is usually only knee high. It is beautiful. It is fun. But the campsites are far from any toilets. The trees are your potty room!), my friend walked into the woods by herself with her trusty plastic spoon. I wasn't sure what she was doing and my curiosity was sparked. When she came back I questioned the spoon. Everyone looked at me funny. I was the only person who didn't know the "rules" of pooping in the great outdoors. I laughed my ass off. I couldn't imagine walking away with a plastic spoon. Everyone would know what I was doing. I am shy like that. Thankfully, I was constipated so I didn't have to worry about it.
And so now you can go away with valuable information. And you can think of me next time you are digging your hole....wait....nevermind that.