Monday, August 11, 2008

Before and After!

There are two sides to me. I haven't denied that I have some serious issues and that I am becoming a freaking pro at sucking down 15pills in one gulp. Really, I am proud of this new talent. I don't swallow "it" and actually, I don't even spit "it"......quite frankly..."it" (I hope you have the gist of what "it" means by now) doesn't even go near my face. And I have received a lot of slack because of this.

But I can swallow 15pills at one time. And none of them taste like a glob of salt. Okay...I know some of you just threw up a little so lets move on. Sorry for the puke in your mouth but you know how this blog rolls.....so always come with a puke bucket from now on....k? K!

Anyway, there are different moments in my life that change from med to med. I can laugh about them on the "good" days. So, I thought I would let you ride the roller coaster called "BitchCracker" (since everyone liked that name so well!)

First scenario:
A car on the interstate is driving in the passing zone going 5 miles under the speed limit. All three lanes are packed and you are late. But there is no way you can get around the slower cars. Why? Because someone is clearly not using their common sense and are driving slow in the passing lane. This is the unwritten rule that all drivers should know.

On a good meds day: I get a little aggravated....but I usually just crank up the tunes and sing away. I might sigh here and there but I am pretty much content with listening to Kid Rock.

On a bad meds day: "You son of a bitch....get your monkey butt out of the passing lane, you pipe smoking apes ass!" Then I ride his ass and make sure I make him very freaking nervous. Then I find my spot, tear ass over into the other lane so I can be right next to this dumb ass to give him the finger. All the while I am giving him the stink eye as well. And I will ride next to him honking my horn so the SOB will look over and actually see my road rage. It is fierce!

Scenario Two:
A car drives very fast down our street, catching air as they hit the speed bumps. Music is blaring, attitudes are flying, because they are punk ass teenagers and find that fun to jump the bumps.

On a good med day: I explain to my daughter why it is so important to always be aware of your surroundings while riding a bike and explain over and over that most people are NOT looking for you...so you must look for them.

On a bad med day: "You rotten little ass eaters! I am going to hunt your teen butts down, give you a lip lashing and then call your mothers you irresponsible pieces of dog shit." And then I vindictively figure out how I can get my hands on some spike stripes and how I will throw rocks at their windows next time I hear them coming. Little crack ass teens!

Scenario Three:
Screaming kids at Target while I am working. Their parents continuing on like they are deaf to the howling that is coming out of their spawns mouths. Throwing fits because they can't have a barbie or because they want to walk instead of riding in the cart. The parents continue on ignoring the kid even though the howling can be heard by the dead that live in a cemetery a mile away.

On a good med day: "Oh the kid is probably tired and their parents are obviously just trying to get their errands done so they don't have to try it again tomorrow."

On a bad med day: "For the love all that is holy. Do you honestly think that everyone in this store wants to be subjected to your screaming child? Take the kid out to the car and listen to it in the privacy of your own space but either give the kid her retarded barbie or get the hell out!!! My ears are bleeding now! Thanks a lot!"

Scenario Four:
Husband is watching the dumbest movie ever. He has it blaring so the neighbors can enjoy the movie too. All I want to do is finish my book but the ADHD sets in and I cannot listen to the sound of guns blasting away and people screaming because they are going to get their brains shot out.
Good med night: Go into the bedroom and seclude myself. Propping up pillows and relaxing to a good book. Actually happy the stupid show is on so hubby cannot bother me.

Bad Med night: Husband walks funny for a few days because the remote was inserted into his poop chute.

The many faces of a "BitchCracker!" Priceless!


7 comments:

Kathryn said...

I think everyone varies between the good days and bad. It is like the cartoons with the little devil on one shoulder and the little angel on the other. ;)
Keep hanging in there!

Grandy said...

I really must know...will you tell us which day you had last on the kids driving down the street thing? I don't think there IS a good med day when I see this because it ticks me off to think kids could get hurt.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

LMAO yes the 15 pills at one time almost puck. but talent i'm sure. I have bad days all the time... so I totally understand ..

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

I only swallow one pill at a time. Not even two.
I totally identify with good med day vs. bad med day. My own family knows not to mess with me on those bad days.

Tara R. said...

OMG... I've been having bad med days for the last five years! Maybe I need to change my dosages?

(You are priceless... I have something for you over at my place.)

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I agree with Kathryn. We all swing back and forth. Although, insane driving teens generally make me want to call the cops. And, I did throw up in my mouth a little, thanks.

Kel said...

Ha...that was funny! I totally loved the name - although you are a bit extreme in the driving department for me (remind me NEVER to piss you off while behind the wheel) I completely relate to the teenagers.
I've got an email for a good spike place... :)
~K