This is not meant to be a downer post. This is meant to be a introductory to me. I know you all know me well. You all know I laugh a lot. You all know I cry a lot. Okay, so some of you think I fart a lot (Brittany!), and you all know that I am in pain a lot.
But here is what I want out of every single person that knows me or will know me.
I don't want to be judged because of my bank account, I want to be known as a simple girl with a love of laughter.
I don't want to be judged because I drink and get drunk sometimes, I want to be known as the girl who can't hold her liquor but is a helluva good time.
I don't want to be judged because I ground my daughter, I want to be known as the mom who wants to teach her child instead of being her best friend. To inform her the difference between right and wrong so she can teach her children the same things.
I don't want to be judged because I'm a whiner, I want to be known as the girl who laughs when her body aches.
I don't want to be judged because I am a bitch, I want to be known as the girl who will climb mountains and fight armies alone.
I don't want to be judged because I am blunt, I want to be known as the girl who will speak her mind and not afraid to show herself instead of hiding who she really is.
I don't want to be judged because I get wild and crazy, I want to be known as the girl who is just living a life that is full of warmth, laughter and fun.
I don't want to be judged because I am a SAHM, I want to be known as the mom who plans every single event in her daughters class and is continuously nudging the schools for better things.
I don't want to be judged as a party girl, I want to be known as a girl who is usually at home cleaning, blogging, mothering, nurturing, caring for and once in awhile finds time to have fun.
I don't want to be judged as a complainer, I want everyone to know that we all complain. I want to be known as the girl who listens with full attention to your complaints and usually I will try to fix you even though I can't fix myself.
I just keep rolling on. Everyday I'm one day older. Everyday is my day. Everyday is a new day. I don't know what tomorrow will bring me. Will it bring me smiles, will it bring me tears, will it bring me pain, will it bring me freedom? I don't know. So I roll with the punches. I break many times and I get sucker punched a lot. But I also choose this destination in life. I choose to be where I am. I choose to have this life. And I choose to live it. With laughter. With tears. With pain. I will roll.
I get judged a lot. Most of you don't know that about me. Because I am the outgoing one, I set myself up for judgement. It is true.....the loud one is the noticed one. I choose this too. And quite often I could give a rat's ass about others opinions. But if you are my friend.....judge all of me. With open eyes. With an open heart. And remember the times that I did something good, and not something crazy or something that you would never do.
I'm not sad right now. I'm not mad either. I'm rolling with the punches. I hurt to all get out, but I have laughed today. I painted my daughters nails orange with a blue stripe. I hugged my husband. I lied in bed with my daughter and talked. I gave the dogs kisses. I talked to many friends, some of which needed my strength to get through the day even though I feel like I have no strength to give. I spoke with my family, my parents, my sister. I talked to my in laws. It's only 1:30pm. I made someone else laugh hysterically. I did some laundry. I cried tears in my pillow when my daughter did the laundry, dishes and dusted because she knew her mom was in pain. I cried even harder when she found the "Hot Legs" and rubbed my back. Then I laughed out loud when it tickled. It's all in a half day.
Just support me. Please. I need your strength. I need your love. Just support me. Because quite frankly, this pain in my body is going no where anytime soon and it will get worse. I will still be the girl that parties with you, or listens to you, or shops with you, or cries with you, or fights with you. But when I say "Hold on, my body is convulsing" just support me. Just love me. Just try to understand. If I could wish this away, I would. I do not intentionally feel sick. I don't ask for pity. Don't pity me. I will survive. But support me without judging me.
I love you all. Truly. This blog is my sanctuary. My place to vent and not have to cry to my daughter or husband or friends. They can get sick of it. It is a place where we all blog about the same things and we support. We blog to support one another and to get supported. That is why we blog.
Thank you to all my family, friends and arched enemies. Because you have all some how helped me through the really bad days.
Something else you don't know about me? I had to take 15pills today to get out of bed and survive the pain. Yep, just to survive the day. And I still laughed my honkey tonk butt off when my dog had a hanger and couldn't poop it out. But now, I will be asleep soon. Thank God for friends of my daughter and their mom's who are my friends. Because she knew....she knew I was hurting. So she came and got my daughter to play at her house. And she will do whatever I need. Kris...if you do read my blog....you are one hell of a supporter. The best! I am honored to have you in my corner.
Nikki...if you are around. Thanks for listening and giving me your full attention. You are super!
A worn down, beat up woman with laughter guiding me through that just happens to sell sex toys!!!
P.S. Sltbee.....thank you my friend. You know what I am talking about. You are so dear to me!