Monday, August 4, 2008

Dear Internet.....

I have a confession. I have to say this even though it is the hardest thing I have ever had to say.

I think I love you!

You have giving me so much in my home life. No, as much as you are loved, you will never replace the love I have for my husband and child. No.....No.....don't try to convince me otherwise. I cannot love them less then you. I know that hurts.

*tear*

Where else could I find such wonderful friends that live hundreds of thousands of miles away? A phone, sure. But that would be a little weird to just finger a name in the phone book and start calling people asking them to be my friend. Nope, it is you my high speed friend. It is you.

You complete me! You had me at "You've got Mail".

This world that you introduced me too. Blogworld. I love it. Sure, there are times that I get jealous and pouty because I don't have as many friends as others. Sure, I sometimes get pissed that I am not the most important blogger and that I don't get free things sent my way. But this is not your fault. You have no faults. Well, except for spam mail, but I can overlook that. Forgive and forget my faithful one.

But where else could I write about sex, my devilish/angelish daughter, my fears, sex, my dogs, sex..........I could write a book, but I don't have the patience and effort. Damn ADHD!!!!

You bestow my heart. I can check in on friends, I can send emails, I can write comments, I can win things, I can play Uno online, I can find funny pictures, I can look at porn.....um...I mean sex toys. I can do it all. With just a few clicks here and a few clicks there. And I can find deals. Like my 5 hardback books for $14.99. Janet Evanovich's "Fearless Fourteen" has been conquered. And I didn't have to pay $20 for one shitting book. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
I can find great deals on ebay, I can do a anywho search and stalk people, I can write nasty letters to my lawyer and insurance companies. And you are always here for me. Never missing a beat. Always supporting my nastiness. Never doubting me. Just spell checking me so I don't look like a 3rd grader. You are always there for me....looking out for my best interest.

And I can write about sex. Oh, I love writing about sex. And I can add nasty ass pictures like this to my blog:


And I can laugh my hiney off because this is one pissed off man with a serious digestive problem.

*Snort*

And I can invite friends into my lives and show them what being a firecracker is all about. Explosive but mesmerizing. And I can add pictures of me looking like my mom smoked weed while pregnant with me. Like this: Me doing a beer bong! Cripes! No wonder I was passed out in a wagon. No wonder!




And I love google. My favorite place. Wanna find a picture of dogs? Then just type in "dogs" and you get this:

I think I have proclaimed my love for you. Shhhhh....don't talk. We cannot keep meeting like this. I have to vacuum my floor and I have to feed my family and I have to go to the bathroom and not consider depends as an alternative to getting up and walking to the toilet. I cannot live life like that.

Don't fret my WiFi friend. I will visit you everyday. I will secretly love you and I will dream of you. I will always be thinking of my next blog post. I will always scream and piss and moan when I get my ass ate up by playing Uno.

I am just a gal standing in front of a computer asking it to love me back. Every time I look at you, I see something new. You are unpredictable and addicting. You are special.....so so special.

I will rendezvous with you again tomorrow, and the next day and the next day. And best of all.....you will always be here for me. Granted, I should be exercising instead of sitting on my plump ass but this is much more exciting. I could always go to Youtube and find a exercise video.

See, See....you are everything. You are genius.

Until tomorrow my love.......until tomorrow. Sweet dreams!

Love,
A once lonely boring housewife until I met you!!

8 comments:

Kori said...

many thanks to the ol' Internet. I don't know what we did before it.

Bekah said...

ugh please tell me that picture was posed. im going to have bad dreams from that for the rest of my life.

i agree though, I heart the internet.

Kel said...

The real question is what did we ever do without it? Seriously...where did our time go? hahaha :)
~K

Kathryn said...

We love ya right back!




Because you asked-

I'm pretty pissed at Favre. If you say you are going to retire than do it. Don't let your team draft two more quarterbacks and start training a whole new quarterback and then change your mind. Have some class. You've played for 16 years, get out on a good note. Don't put your team in such a horrible position and try and make them look bad when you are the ding dong. After all these years I thought we finally had a sports figure that was less about the EGO and more about being a team player and following through, but I was wrong. It makes me mad. But whatever! Right? Grrr.
And you know what? He said he still isn't sure if he really wants to play this year. He still might retire. All of this could be for nothing! Such a load of crap!!!!

Tara R. said...

I have the same love affair going on... *sigh* I <3 WWW!

April said...

OMG that picture...I think I just vomited up my dinner.

And i AGREE, the internet totally rocks!!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Internet addiction is not a bad thing. Either that, or I'm in denial.

Sandy C. said...

Seriously, I'd be officially insane if someone took my internetz away.

p.s. I think I threw up a little after that pic.