Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Grand Plan!

I should be the in the mafia. No shit. I come up with some serious shit sometimes. Most of the time I am kidding, I think. I never wish death or harm (major) upon people unless you pissed me off and it is me harming (minor) you. Okay, so I am not the Godfather but damn....I am a Stephen King sometimes.

My sis, four years younger, is a nurse. She lives in a small town and worked part time in the clinic this summer. She loved it. Unfortunately, there were not enough hours to offer her so she applied and got the job as the school nurse. The same school that her children attend and both of my parents work. Since my nephew has Spina Bifida, and needs to be cathed (tube inserted in the pee hole to remove urine) and is in 1st grade this year, she thought this was a amazing opportunity.
(You could skip the next few paragraphs to get to my point if you want because I am gonna digress a bit but I would really love for you to read how awesome my niece and nephews are and how proud I am of my sweet daughter! But if you are in a hurry and you don't have time, skip to the point.)

First of all...my nephew is a stud. Yes, he has Spina Bifida and yes, at first his outcome was grim. My sister was in a major depression and didn't know during the pregnancy that her son would be born with obstacles. It was a shock for all. The ultrasounds never showed any sign of this. So, as he was air lifted to a major hospital in Omaha, my sister released herself from the hospital 2hrs after giving birth to drive down to her son. It was rough. She was certain that he would be in a wheelchair and suffer other problems. She was wrong. My stud nephew walks and even played soccer this last year. He wears braces on his lower legs, but he is still able to walk without them. They just help a little. My daughter was only 3yrs old when he was born. Yet she mothered him when my sister couldn't. He cried all the time as a infant. He screamed. My sister also had my niece to mother. My daughter, my very sensitive daughter, played with her screaming cousin so my sister could have a hot shower and fed her cousin that is a mere year younger lunch sometimes. Yes, my sister observed, but boy did Diva feel important. Enough to give my sis some strength back. Now my boy (he has always been a Aunt Krissy's boy) is strong, smart as hell and determined as all get out. He still looks up to his cousin Sheylee. He still holds a bond with her. And if you mess with the boy.....you get the wrath of a very sensitive girl that can screech terror into your bones if you mess with him. So.Not.Kidding!

I call this picture the "Trio of Terror!" They are really more like siblings then cousins. But that means that they do fight like siblings as well. And I have buried my head in my pillow more then a dozen times and screamed at the top of my lungs out of frustration before. But I love these kids.

Since I am talking about cousins right now Sheylee also has two other boy cousins. Craig's nephews. And these boys are so special to me. The oldest boy, we will call Xman, is a teenager now. He is the nicest teenager I have ever met and both boys have the best manners ever. I love these boys. I am so blessed. And Xman is very lovely to his younger "girl" cousin. He is just sweet. And Cman, the younger boy, teaches my daughter how to toughen up and play hard. He is a rock star.
This is a older picture, but no doubt one of my favs. They are just spectacular. I love them all.
THE POINT! (in case you skipped)
So, this dream job at the school has proved to be a bit of a letdown. It is not my sisters dream job and she desperately wants to be at the clinic...her comfort job. So I asked her "Which nurse there do you dislike the most?"
She hesitated and said "none, I like them all!" I probed more and said: "Okay, so you like them all, but if you had to choose, which one would you oust first?"
She finally said "Jen" (obviously I am changing names to protect the target...er...innocent!)
So, I came up with a plan. First, small town living will work to my advantage. Start a rumor. Say that she is the "phantom pooper" that poops in the local pool and has shut down the pool 8X's this summer alone. (there is a funny story to this that I will share in my next series!) This would be embarrassing enough. But then my evil mind went ballistic with more evilness.
I told my sis that I would call and complain "anonymously" that she gave me a prostate exam and after some extensive research, I concluded that she raped my butt. My sister spit coffee from her nose.
Then I said I would get my evil friends involved. And they would call "anonymously" and say that she grabbed their vagina's, made them turn their heads and cough. Now some snot came out of my sisters nose along with more coffee.
Then I called my evil friends and they said in a hushed tone "Yeah, I can play!" And then I realized that yes......I must have some descendants that were certainly in the mob. I once thought that I was a descendant of Billy Ray Cyrus because I did have a mullet one time and I knew how to do the line dance to "Achy Breaky Heart" better then anyone else. I swore it. If only he could snag me some tickets to his daughters freaking expensive, sold out within 3 minutes concerts. Hey, I still may be blood. You don't know!
Anyway, I have to save my strength to work harder for my sis. My younger sis that makes me laugh every time we are together. The same sis that I drug across the lawn to win a race that had her tied to my leg last year. The same sis that would pretend to be Michael Jackson's future bride with me or the same sis that line danced to "Achy Breaky Heart!" The same sis that has been there for me a lot and hugged me when I went through post-baby depression. So, blood runs thicker then water. And I have boiling blood sometimes. Don't judge, you may need me someday!
I have so much to do on this blog. I still have "Sexy Women Challenge" pics to post. I still have meme's and awards. I have too much to do! Bear with me! K? I'll get it done. I hope.



OMG, you are devious! I'm glad I'm on your good side.
By the way, I finally posted a full length picture of myself on my blog. I was thinking of you!

Kori said...

I ahve to say it is posts like these that make me so glad that I am on your good side.

Kathryn said...

Remind me not to piss you off.

Kel said...

I think Dysfunctional mom said it best...you are devious! Sounds like your sister is lucky to have you in her corner!

Kel said...

I think Dysfunctional mom said it best...you are devious! Sounds like your sister is lucky to have you in her corner!

sltbee69 said...

LMAO! You are so devoted to the one you love. I want that! Your friends and family are very lucky to have you. ((HUGS))

Michelle said...

Whoa what a plan.
*note to self, do not get on your bad side.
Kudo's to your kick-ass newphew. My son is our living dream as well. They were rought times, but well worth it. He was a failure to thrive baby along with his other complications (long story).
I am touched by your sister, her son, and your daughters ability to love with fierce love. (I get it).

Great story, I hope your sister figures it all out.

Tara R. said...

Can I be your sister too? I have a few people I would like for you to 'talk' with....hmmmm?

Lilith Silvermane said...

Hey... there is a blog about you here... :)

I hope you enjoy it!


April said...

The 'Trio of Terror' are all absolutely GORGEOUS! And DO look like siblings!!!