Sunday, August 17, 2008

Ya know what I hate???

Oh alright. Hate is a distasteful word. It goes without saying that I try to educate my daughter and redirect her when she uses the "hate" word. So, I usually say: "Sheylee, God does not like the word "hate" because God loves everybody, even the devil!" And she usually says: "Fine!!!! I really, really, reeeaaaalllllyyyyy don't like so and so!" And I go:

"Yeah, I don't like him much either!"

That's just an example. But I have been noticing that other people's children are as irritating as flies at your picnik. I just don't understand how some people allow their children to be so effing irritating. Oh fine, my child is irritating too but I grew her from my womb so I only have to love her. And my niece and nephews. But that's it!

I have been trying to practice what I preach! If I don't want her using the word "hate" then I shouldn't say it either. This is simple parenting. A no-brainer. Common sense.
Sooo. Back to the point.

You know what I hate??? Is when I take really good pictures of my kid or dogs or husband or other people's kids that irritate me at times or even a piece of poop and I think I am the freaking mother bomb of all bombs and can take the best pictures in the world. Ha! to all those photographers out there! Sears???? They eat my dust for breakfast because I am sooo better then them. Especially when I take pictures with my effing cell phone and they turn out superb thanks to my upgrade at Piknic from OhMommy! So I run around after printing them, waving them in peoples faces, yelling:
"Ha! Told you I can take good freaking pictures! Armatures!"
and I gloat and float my boat all damn day yet nobody seems as enthused as I am!!!

I HATE that! Why can't they just pretend to be gleefully happy and joyous for a few bleeping minutes? Is that too hard?? Crimeny out loud......would it be too much to ask for these butts to take a few sexonds (that was totally by mistake but I laughed out loud so I'm leaving it! It was supposed to be seconds!) and rub my ego? Do.You.See.What.I.Deal.With??? I'm all:
"Oh my Golly! Look at this freaking picture! I am the VanGough of digital cameras! My God! I am of a higher power! I always new I was "special" but now I know how dawg-gone "special" I am! You should all freaking carry me around on your shoulders. I am the Michael Phelps of Photography!"

It's not like I was bragging about it! Gawd! Bunch of wieners!

So, I come to you my blog friends! I come to you because I know that you will all be like:

"OOOOOOhhhhhhhh!" and "Awwwwww!"
And you will all consider me the Digital VanGough! I just know it! You guys get me! You know I would never brag about my talents. You know that I won't grow a enormous head over it. My guess is that you will all just do what you do best! Support! And rub my ego!
A-hem! Pay attention now! All eyes on me! Action!

Oh yeah baby! That was taking by my camera phone! Kicks ass huh????

Camera Phone again! But can you say "Wass up! Girl you tilt my axis!"

Daaaammmmnnnn! There's even bird poop in this picture but yet; I make it look good!!!

*wiping the tears from cheeks because I'm so damn good*
Once again ladies and Gents! My camera phone! Boo-Rah!
Envy2...I love you! (my Gawd...I'm a poet and didn't know it!)
Now, go! Go knowing that I am the master! And speak of me in the highest regard! I am the Guru!
(maybe I have a slight ego problem!)


Kel said...

All hail the camera phone queen...I must bow in your greatness!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Those are from your phone? Mine takes HORRIBLE pictures! Color me VERY jealous!

Tara R. said...

Ooohhh... aaahhhh... you are a freakin' genius. Those are the best pictures evah! A cell phone? You're kidding right, had to be taken with a pro Cam-r-ah. (How was that?)

A Buns Life said...

You are good,and you know how to edit very well too!! Something to think about to do on the side??? hmmmm....

krissy said... guys know just what to say!
(with only a wee bit of a hint!)

April said...

I have to try to fool around more with picnik...i've only done like one pic. yours came out GREAT!

Kori said...

Pictures are awesome.

Nickie said...

Wow those really are great, especially for a camera phone! Of course that compliment is coming from someone who still only has a Tracphone, pay per minute, no frills phone!!!

Mommy said...

VERY talented. Can you come shoot photos for me next time.

Come ON, I am only one state over!!!


Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

Can you please come down here take some photo for me PLEASE>>>> I Suck!!!

hehe I know whatcha mean bout hate words... it seems hard to keep on track with my potty mouth...