Monday, June 16, 2008

Men vs. Women

There is always the obvious things about men vs. women; like men have testicle's and balls that rule their existence, and women use their brain inside the head on their shoulders, but there is more to the difference then the obvious.

Men are bonafide procrastinators! Well, my man is anyway....I don't know about yours.

Like for instance, my hubby is out of town for a couple of days. Last night we went over to some friends house for a improv fire pit party. Him (meaning hubby) knows that he hasn't packed a single thing yet and has to be up and gone by 5am starts drinking. To my delight, I didn't care because I was having fun talking with the gals and laughing at a dog that likes being by the fire so much that red hot amber's were falling from the pit and landing on her. The dog didn't move. It laid there until someone patted the furry fire out. Hilarious.

Finally, it was getting late and I said to hubby "We should go, you still have to pack and if you want some swanky (code name for sex) we better go now because I'm getting tired!"

His response was "Oh sure honey, one moment!" Translation: "Sure honey, after a few more beers and a few more laughs at the flaming dog, then we will leave!"

Again, fine by me. I was just looking out for him. I don't need "swanky" tonight anyway. His decision. Not mine. Needless to say, we left 45min later and my lids were getting way heavy. So, we get home and of course, I was going to let him do all the packing except I kept hearing this: "HOney, where are my blue pants?" Just for your information, they were hanging right in front of his eyes. If it would have been a gay man, he would have been molested. After getting him packed I head for the bathroom because for some unknown reason I have been peeing like a pregnant women (and remember, I can't get pregnant, I have no parts!) but also to wash my face and brush my teeth and hit the bed running.

That's when hubby decides to get "romantic" and decides to do a striptease for me. Bow-chicka-bow-wow while he was swinging his twinkie around and around in a helicopter way. I stare at him and give him the stink eye. He continues by trying different yoga positions, blah, blah, blah. I was perplexed on what this man was thinking that having his hot dog doing a circular helicopter trick would give him the "come hither" look.

If this was me.....I would have been packed and ready to go earlier in the day. I would have not spent so much time at the fire pit and instead gave him the come hither look and had him running for home. I would have peed, washed face, brushed teeth, spritz on some deodorant (just in case), had some "swanky" and went to bed. If I did do a striptease, I would have not used "bow-chicka-bow-wow" as a song of choice. I would have satisfied our needs and went to bed.

Nope, hubby got what he wanted and then came out to play some Wii. He is butt-ass tired today now and I don't feel sorry for the man. I know.....cold hearted bitch. Can't help it.

I need to read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" to figure out this dude. I never once even contemplated reading the book even with all the hoo-rah it got. I'll stick to my sex books. But, I think it's time I read it because with him working from home now and us spending some extra time together, I don't want to string his genitals into a wind chime. So, I need to be more understanding and patient.

Ha, Ha, Ha.....even I laughed about that. Me? Understanding and patient? Pfffff!

But I do love this guy! That's why we have been together for 10yrs. He obviously does something right!


Kel said...

hahaha...I about fell out of my chair laughing so hard at that..."helicopter" hahahaha

Men...why do they think that is such a turn on ?!

Mike Golch said...

No comment.

That's twice.with the word stuff.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

They never learn. I don't blame you one bit for not feeling sorry.

Brittany said...

I will forever see my husbands "twinky" as a helicopter.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

OMG, the helicopter maneuver cracked me up!!
My hubby is a procrastinator.......but then again, so am I.

tattooed mama said...

i hate the helicopter!
speaking of swingin-dicks, i have to work at the sports page in tea tonight...they are having strippers(yuck). you should come