Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Colon Cleanse 101:

So you have all heard of the disgusting stories about colon cleanse. If you want to look at pictures of the sludge that lives in your intestinal wall, try a google search. It's looks like you just pulled your intestinal wall out of you bung-hole. Yikes.
Well, I went to a health food store and they are very educated with my Fibromylgia (I never know if I am spelling this right and I really am too lazy to check it out....hell...I can't even pronounce it most of the time!) and they had some very, very useful information. I was pumped when I found errors in my diets that could be changed and certain things I could easily do to help with the symptoms. And she did highly recommend a colon cleanse. And I cringed. What the hell am I going to let slide out of my booty? I will admit, I was scared and intrigued both at the same time. I know, I'm odd....

Thing is...there are thousands of colon cleanses out there and from my understanding, they do work. But there are different types that do different things. I have not pooped out my organs or any slimy alien look alike things. It is a 30 day colon cleanse and I have only been taking it for a few weeks now but so far, my bum isn't doing anything out of the ordinary. I am very certain that you all feel complete after knowing that. Your welcome!

Then I spoke with my pharmacist about Alli Weight Control. She did admit to it working. She is pretty reserved and didn't come right out with the side effects. She said "It recommends you wear a heavy pantyliner or pad and always wear dark clothes or have a second change of clothes with you!" I looked at her dumbfounded and said "So pretty much, you become walking diarrhea and you poop yourself!" She said "Yep!" So, to lose weight you pretty much shit out all the fat that goes into your body. And you have no control over your bowls. And I got the vision of me walking through the mall and having poop running down my leg and decided to keep to my less evasive poop tube cleaner.

And then there's just plain ole' simple laxatives. And if constipation is your issue, then by all means take a laxative. But then you have to deal with mind blowing cramps that feel like you are giving birth to an elephant with huge tusks. Yeah, been down this road....won't go down it again.

The moral of this story, besides being poop, is carefully check side effects of anything that has to do with your intestinal tract. To lose a couple 5lbs with Alli, you will have 5 years of staying at home because you will never want to show your face again after you shit diarrhea all over the mall floor.
And contemplate some very simple methods, like wheat grass which does come in a pill so you don't have to grind up some grass in your sausage grinder. It has a lot of different great things for your body. And you don't have BM threatening you shame.

BTW....can you believe that yesterday our little ice cream shop was robbed? Good Lord. The owners are my neighbors and thank the Good Lord, they are okay. The idiot robber took her car and cell phone though and then proceeded to make a phone call on it. Hmmm....can you say Dumbest Criminal? It still pisses me off that he came into MY town and threatened MY community! He is behind bars but I still feel like going down there and kicking him in his jingle bells! Ass!


Here's a funny.....I laughed my ass off.

video

12 comments:

Kathryn said...

Oh my good lawd, Krissy! That note is hilarious! I'm still laughing!
And I usually don't want videos but this was too freaking funny! If I were that guy I think I'd just give up fishing all together!

HAHAHA!!!

Kel said...

Thanks for the personal tidbits, leave it to you to keep it clean around here..hehe Seriously though, I have some friends who have used Allie to lose weight and swear it works and isn't so bad (as long as they don't scarf down a bucket of chicken or a whole pizza). Personally, I don't know...I've always been terrified of a mall incident (a long a gross story!) haha

Brittany said...

Hmm.. See I have a crapper problem. If I don't take one laxative a day (just one, not one dose)then I can't go. AND I eat a TON of veggies and fruit... so I get fiber. I don't get it.

And I heard that about alli... Umm.. sounds gross. lol

Laski said...

I always have to mentally prepare myself before reading your posts . . . my sides are killing me :)

Um, I actually looked up the whole colon cleanse. I'm sick . . . That was SICK.

"To lose a couple 5lbs with Alli, you will have 5 years of staying at home because you will never want to show your face again after you shit diarrhea all over the mall floor." I want to Google this, too . . .

mjgolch said...

thank you for the fisherman's bloopers,I loved them and was LMAO

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Have you been to my new site yet?

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm scared of Alli! That stuff sounds nasty.
Sorry about the robbery! That would scare me.

Sandy C. said...

LMAO at the note and clip!!! My freakin' face hurts from laughing :) I'm a little intrigued about googling colon cleanse....but at the same time, scared...

April said...

Is that fisherman for real? HILARIOUS!!!

April said...

By the way I have a friend who uses Ali...after she described the side effects it definitely changed my mind on wanting to try it. No thank you! I dont' want to ooze clear colored, slimy fat out of my bung hole! *SHUDDER*

sltbee69 said...

OMG! I haven't laughed this hard in I don't know how long. Speaking of poop - I almost shit my pants! I hate to admit that anything bathroom related cracks me up. Thanks for the heads up about the Alli. I guess if anything were to cure you from eating a shit load of fat, it would be the fear of shitting yourself in public.

Kellan said...

That letter is hysterical - HA!

Have a good day- Kellan

OHmommy said...

LMAO at that note.