Friday, June 13, 2008

10 Words from the Wise....er....from me!

1) When you are driving 75mph on the interstate and suddenly a car that you are passing just happens to mosey into your lane, right as you are next to them, don't scream hysterically, throw your hands up in the air, close your eyes and hope for the best.......not a good idea.
2) When you are tired, and your hubby wants you to help him with the basement, don't pout, whine and throw hammers at his head. He may get mad at you.

3) No matter how hungry you are, don't get a hamburger from the local Get N Go (in my neck of the woods anyway). You will have a ring around your butt from the toilet seat 10 minutes after inhaling such hamburger. Ack!

4) If you do not know how to sew or hem things, don't expect that you will figure it out the night before your daughters biggest recital of the year and her one and only outfit suddenly looks like the scissors got mad at you.

5) Don't take your medicine and then in a happy state because you are finding some tremendous deals rummaging forget yourself and take the meds again. It has reverse effects on you and instead of feeling really happy, you are suddenly sulking and sad and crabby....let's not forget crabby.

6) Don't tell your hubby that if he doesn't lite a fire under his ass to finish the basement you will call in someone who knows what the hell they are doing. That's sorta the straw that breaks the camels back after #2.
7) Don't trip over some item at a rummage sell and then throw your arms up in a "V" shape and yell "I'm a Super Star" and then put your hands under your pits and smell them. Some people haven't seen that show and you look pretty stupid.

8) Don't ever take kids rummaging......E.V.E.R. The suck you dry and then when you find the big deal of deals you are fresh out of checks and cash. I counted to twenty 400X's.

9) When your friends children are fighting, screaming, yelling, kicking, pouting and purposely egging your child on.....don't threaten such children with bodily harm when their mom is right next to you. Even though her kids are rotten she will still get a little peeved when you tell her son that if he (him being much larger and older then my daughter and hits her in the face and head) you will rip off his own arms and beat him in the head for hours. And if he touches my daughter again, I will hit him so hard his grandchildren will feel it.........this is all while you are screaming so loud you are losing your voice because you are sick of your child having bruises and bloody lips from this kid.

10) When you go to the "rich" area's for rummaging and you find a pair of designer jeans for $30, don't laugh hysterically and tell them that "You realize that this is a R.U.M.M.A.G.E., right? And these "designer" jeans are U.S.E.D, right?" And then don't turn into a wicked bitch when the snotty witch tells you that they are "too small for you anyway" when clearly, my ass is way smaller then hers and the pants were 2 sizes to big for me. But you can pull your tag out of your jeans and show her the size you are wearing and in the meantime moon her.

Just some tid bits from a menopausal bitch. What a hell of a hellish day! But at least I can laugh now! Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha! Stupid snotty winch!

15 comments:

Brittany said...

Ummm ten things I will never do, promise! ;) lol

Kel said...

That happened all in one day?! My, My, you've been a busy woman! :) hehe

~K

mjgolch said...

luckly the pants being caught in the seat thing has not happened to me,Thank God.I look rediculous as it is,than to have that happen.
That's my story!

A Buns Life said...

gotcha. I will NEVER do any of those things. Sounds like we both had a shitty day. I'm giving you a big hug, 'cause I know you will give me one back. :)

Grandy said...

Not everyone's seen Superstar? Sister Mary Katherine...when I get nervous...I like to do this.

You slay me girl.

Kathryn said...

Check, check and check! I won't do any of those things!

Sandy C. said...

$30 for jeans? Seriously? I would have said the same thing. Thank you for the tip about the basement. I'm in the same boat and ready to swing a hammer myself at someone...I MEAN A WALL! :)

Mama Zen said...

#7 is the funniest thing ever!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I am assuming rummage is the same thing as a garage sale? If so....those people are CRAZY! :)

Your life sounds as crazy as mine!

Here's to meds! :)

Blessings From Above said...

I am cracking up at #7. Please tell me you actually did that!?!? You are hilarious!!!!!!!!!

OHmommy said...

Dude.

Tell me where you get your pics from!!!! LMAO!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I totally agree with the Get n' Go burgers. Hubby did that once. Big mistake!
Oh and you need to get a pill holder that is labeled with the days of the week. Yes, you'll feel like an old fart, but you won't OD on your meds!

Aleta said...

LOL. Great post! Sometimes we wish we could do those things!

Tara R. said...

I am so with you on #9... I would have done the same thing. No one messes with my kids!

sltbee69 said...

Point taken. Oh, and I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when you had words with the hag about the $30 designer jeans. LMAO about that!