Last night I had to be a part of a reenactment. It was for the fire department and they needed volunteers to be victims of a bus accident. Diva didn't want to be a part of the excitement because a) she is staying with my sister for a few days to enjoy some fun with them and b) she would never get on a bus again if she saw what happened in case of an accident. She is a worrier like her father......er....I mean mother.
So, I was volunteered. We went to a car salvage lot and upon looking at the bus, I had second thoughts. It was the Partridge Family bus but it looked like the home of some critters that I didn't want to meet. There were 2 different towns with all their trucks and a big ole truck from Sioux Falls called the Emergency Rig. It is for disasters. So, we were reenacting some hard core injuries. Pieces of paper were handed out that told you what your injuries were and what you were supposed to be doing.
My first gig was the bus driver with a protruding object stuck through my gut. I got inventive and used a belt from one of the young girls there and had my water bottle sticking out. Then I found an old beer can on the floor. So, when the EMT's came running in, trying to be serious, they all laughed their asses off at me. I was the drunken bus driver that caused the wreck. The belt also pushed my boobs up to my neck as well. I laughed too until I realized they were going to strap me to a back board and carry me out. Ummmmmm.......what? I don't like being strapped down and I certainly didn't want to hear the grunts and groans of these men trying to carry my ass out the door. Even with my protests, I was picked up, with a grunt from no one other but my HUSBAND (he soooo didn't get laid last night), strapped down and carried over to the "immediate attention" tarp. Then someone assessed my injuries and walked away. After laying there in the hot sun for about 10 minutes I said "Hey, can I get up so I can go do my other injury?" They looked down at me like they had forgotten me (how dare them) and said "Yeah, go ahead, we are done with you!" Great, I tried to Houdini my way out of the straps, got a few curious glances and a bunch of giggles before someone came to release me. Shitholes!
In a huff, I went back into the gross bus and realized my next injury was me with a head injury seeping brain matter. I chuckled out loud. Like I have brain matter to seep. But whatever, they could push it back in and everything would be fine. Nope, they tagged me as dead and once again, this time with no grunts because my hubby stayed far, far away from me, and laid me on the black tarp. This time they quickly unleashed me and I had to lay there dead for a few minutes. Ummm....Karma? I don't want to be on the morgue tarp. So, I stood up and yelled "It's a miracle, God resurrected me. AMEN!" Again, people laughed at my antics and gave me another victim card.
This time I had to sit with another girl in the Partridge Families bathroom. It's the size of a T.V. box. Then they were going to extract us. Yeah, that's right. The Jaws of Life were coming out and saws and all that crap, while we sat in the crapper. Another thoughtful firefighter held a blanket over us so debris wouldn't poke out our eye or something. It was a stuffy 400 degrees and took them about 10 minutes. This time I had a bloody head and lost 500cc's of blood. I was tagged immediate attention again. Great! Couldn't I be the victim that had a broken finger or something and could walk away? So, onto the backboard again. This time they thought it would be funny to pretend to drop me, making me shout out profanities while small children's ears burned and then the freaks started tickling me. I was bouncing around the backboard and feared them dropping me for good. They screwed with me for a few more minutes. By this time I figured out how to unleash myself and quickly took of the harness and went after the bastards. Too bad they are faster then me. Then I said, "Ya know what, I'm done being a victim" And they all agreed. I did my part.
I gave my hubby another nasty look from the post "grunt" when he lifted me, maybe gave him the finger too and left. This used to work except now that everyone knows me they all laughed their butts off at me and wished me farewell. Assholes!
So, what a exciting night I had. Now today I have to go to work with a flaming red throat and swollen glands. No doubt from the disgust of the bus. My allergies went nuts. And then I'm gonna have to stay down in the basement after work making sure we don't get any water in there again because big storms are coming. Then I'm going to take a few NyQuil and call it a day. And my husband still won't get laid! ASS!
I'm almost ready for my ego boost post again. I have a hard time with the reader thing. And my sex post is in the works still. And if anyone of you know how to make this blog look a little prettier and not so freaking boring, let me know. I will give you all my info just to be with the cool bloggers.
And I have all intentions of visiting each and everyone of you today after work. Big hugs!
Oh, one more thing. Today is negotiations with hubs new job. They are going to be disguising money, perks, and all that crap. Hubby and I know where we need to be and so please say a prayer for firecracker that the negotiations work for us.
That Karma likes me for one day.
Pray, Pray, Pray! Thanks friends.