Laughing through my tears!

So, in case you are wondering (or not) my days have not been exactly better! Worse is a good word to use today. Shit is beating me up and I don't know why, but Karma hates the hell outta me! That's a bitch.

But, I refuse to sit and cry tears in my very yummy wine! Instead, I am going to post some funny/embarrassing "mom" moments in my life.

Let me set the picture for you. My daughter is gross, disgusting and very much a tom boy. My father is a retired firefighter and after my daughter was born, become every ones kid. My fathers co-workers didn't have kids or their kids were grown, so my daughter quickly became the gross-out child she is today. They would sit around in their recliners and I would bring Diva over to chill with the guys. I know that I could have spared my embarrassment had I just not of introduced her to the "farting fireman", but loved the fact that my daughter was put on a "stinky" pedestal.

And I need to add that my daughter started forming whole sentences by 9months-10months old. I was impressed with her verbal skills and swore that she was the smartest kid on earth. Others were equally impressed. Never did I think that her intelligence would kick me in the ass and I remember many times wishing that she wasn't talking yet!

So, most of the embarrassing moments are gross stuff. If you have a weak stomach.....you may want to quite reading now! I am only doing a few of the funny moments for now and then next time Karma sticks me in the ass again, I will have other reasons to laugh through my tears (my luck, tomorrow!!!!)

1: Meeting very prudish/conservative people when Diva was 2yrs old. They awed and oohed over her for about 5 minutes....just enough time for Diva to get comfortable enough with them. Then she said "pull my finger" and farted before they had time to pull her finger or deny pulling her finger. Unfortunately, they couldn't deny the smell that lingered! I turned a few different shades of red!

2: Once while in Menards, my daughter who was all of 1yrs old, yelled loudly that she "crapped her drawers!"

3: My hubby is equally as gross as the daughter, and he has definitely influenced her disgusting nature. While in Shopko, my hubby tells us to be quiet, he has a secret. So, we listened. And he blew his britches out. So Diva, not to be out done, decided to try and fart as loudly. This ended with her grabbing her ass and yelling "mom, I need to go to the bathroom now!" So, we rushed to the ladies room but Diva already shit herself while trying to out-fart her father. We had to throw the undies away and buy new ones!

4: In first grade, my daughter broke her toe. We went to the general doctor to have it X-rayed. After examining the results he noted that she would have to see a specialist because it broke on the growth plate and could never heal itself. Diva, who hates the doctors and to this day freaks out whenever we need to go in for a visit, screeched at the top of her lungs "If that doctor touches my toe, I will kick him in the peter!" I crumbled to the floor in disbelief and the doctor chuckled. Damn Tae-kwon-do for teaching her to kick men in the "Peter" to make them suffer!!!

5: Nasty girl picked her nose in front of a friend and ate it! I screamed at her and friend gaged! Enough said..........

There are numerous, numerous more stories.

Til next time..............................