Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Laughing through my tears!

So, in case you are wondering (or not) my days have not been exactly better! Worse is a good word to use today. Shit is beating me up and I don't know why, but Karma hates the hell outta me! That's a bitch.

But, I refuse to sit and cry tears in my very yummy wine! Instead, I am going to post some funny/embarrassing "mom" moments in my life.

Let me set the picture for you. My daughter is gross, disgusting and very much a tom boy. My father is a retired firefighter and after my daughter was born, become every ones kid. My fathers co-workers didn't have kids or their kids were grown, so my daughter quickly became the gross-out child she is today. They would sit around in their recliners and I would bring Diva over to chill with the guys. I know that I could have spared my embarrassment had I just not of introduced her to the "farting fireman", but loved the fact that my daughter was put on a "stinky" pedestal.

And I need to add that my daughter started forming whole sentences by 9months-10months old. I was impressed with her verbal skills and swore that she was the smartest kid on earth. Others were equally impressed. Never did I think that her intelligence would kick me in the ass and I remember many times wishing that she wasn't talking yet!

So, most of the embarrassing moments are gross stuff. If you have a weak stomach.....you may want to quite reading now! I am only doing a few of the funny moments for now and then next time Karma sticks me in the ass again, I will have other reasons to laugh through my tears (my luck, tomorrow!!!!)

1: Meeting very prudish/conservative people when Diva was 2yrs old. They awed and oohed over her for about 5 minutes....just enough time for Diva to get comfortable enough with them. Then she said "pull my finger" and farted before they had time to pull her finger or deny pulling her finger. Unfortunately, they couldn't deny the smell that lingered! I turned a few different shades of red!

2: Once while in Menards, my daughter who was all of 1yrs old, yelled loudly that she "crapped her drawers!"

3: My hubby is equally as gross as the daughter, and he has definitely influenced her disgusting nature. While in Shopko, my hubby tells us to be quiet, he has a secret. So, we listened. And he blew his britches out. So Diva, not to be out done, decided to try and fart as loudly. This ended with her grabbing her ass and yelling "mom, I need to go to the bathroom now!" So, we rushed to the ladies room but Diva already shit herself while trying to out-fart her father. We had to throw the undies away and buy new ones!

4: In first grade, my daughter broke her toe. We went to the general doctor to have it X-rayed. After examining the results he noted that she would have to see a specialist because it broke on the growth plate and could never heal itself. Diva, who hates the doctors and to this day freaks out whenever we need to go in for a visit, screeched at the top of her lungs "If that doctor touches my toe, I will kick him in the peter!" I crumbled to the floor in disbelief and the doctor chuckled. Damn Tae-kwon-do for teaching her to kick men in the "Peter" to make them suffer!!!

5: Nasty girl picked her nose in front of a friend and ate it! I screamed at her and friend gaged! Enough said..........

There are numerous, numerous more stories.

Til next time..............................


Kupiec Baby Blog said...

GREAT POST! I am laughing so hard write now that I literally have tears rolling down my face. Thanks for the laughs.

Lilith Silvermane said...

I don't even know how I found you... but I couldn't stop reading your blog.. I have to say two things.

I love Brett Farve... I love you...

OMG.. you are cracking me up! I am adding this to my MUST read list. I need to start writing what I think in my blog, because I was nodding the whole time realizing that I SOUND like you in my head.

Good stuff!

Not to make you feel bad, but it was 80 here today in Colorado... but in 8 hours, we are supposed to have a snow storm.. I'll be joining you in complaints here soon!

Have a good night!!

Brittany said...

Laughing through tears! Certainly something good to do!!!

Hope things get better though! :) I shall send good vibes your way!

cyndy said...

OMG, that Diva cracks me up every time.
I hope your day is better tomorrow!
BTW, if it makes you feel better, we're having some freak cold snap down here. It's in the 30's!! WTH??

April said...

I think #3 was by far the funniest to me...I think I just crapped my own drawers...LOL

I needed that laugh today.

N said...

Ah, I love the funny stuff! Drawer Crapping is always hysterical unless one is in a very small airplane and someone near your seat decides to let a slider go. Silent and deadly! I was looking through someone's green cloud this afternoon in hopes of finding the culpret, but my eyes were watering too bad to see!

Tara R. said...

I love your daughter... that was hilarious! I teach taekwondo, and I don't think I have ever uttered the word 'peter' during a class... still laughing... and trying to decide how to work that into my next lesson.

Mama Zen said...

This is just priceless!

LaskiGal said...

Your daughter is cool and doesn't even know it yet :)

Hee, hee . . . pull my finger.


Stacy said...

Oh Lordy! I am kind of glad that my kids live a goodly distance away from my family now...I can totally see this happening to my kids otherwise!

Hope tomorrow is a better day!

Sandy C. said...

So sorry to hear life is kicking your ass now. *hugs*. Kudos for keeping your sense of humor though!

Your daughter is hilarious!
"crapped her drawers!" at 1 yr??? - I see Harvard in her future ;)

Kathryn said...

So, it is not just my boys then? I thought the farting thing was just part of being in an all boy household, but I guess not. ;)

Lilith Silvermane said...

Yea... Single mom, six kids, I was fostering the young lady but she moved back in with her step mom, and now they are having issues.. AGAIN. Perhaps she will come back again.. not sure, I'd just like the poor girl to graduate high school!

As for being a hero, I think I'm just insane. *laughs* I have to be at this point! However, I stay sane and enjoy most every minute of it. I have alot of things that remind me that a sense of humor is NEEDED (like your blog), and that my kids are really really good kids, and it could be MUCH worse!

Heck, where would I be without them? I can truely say... I would be much worse off right now if they hadn't come along and saved me. I know they'll never realize the truth in that.

Take care!
I'll definatly be tossing in my two cents... the peanut gallery WILL return!!! :)

noble pig said...

I think the crapped my drawers comment was the BEST. I would have laughed so hard if my kid said that.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I love the "I have a secret" gag!

Note to self: DO NOT tell husband about this trick! :)

Hope things get better!

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