Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Chronicles!

There comes a time in my life where everyone just irritates me. Obviously, some more then others! There are days where I feel like telling people to "shove it up their ass!" I cannot blame it on that time of the month, my girly parts are rotten in the garbage somewhere. I can blame it on my family, they seemingly piss me off daily, but that's not the reason today.

Today is because of the "Chronicles of Tar-Jay!"

I was in customer service today. I know it sounds odd, but I do like a good challenge. I like it when people argue with me, whining that they can't have cash back and can only have a gift card. Blah, Blah, Blah! I usually plaster a sadistic smile on my face and say "I'm sorry for your inconvenience, but those are our rules for returns!", usually through gritted teeth. I really want to laugh out loud at the bone heads that rant and rave and throw adult temper tantrums. I used to laugh at Diva when she would have a temper tantrum, to show her that she looked ridiculous and her cries wouldn't get her what she wanted.

Today, I got the fat, saggy ole' bat that insisted she should be able to return a phone that was over 1yr old and not to mention, it was her 9th return in the last 3 days. Hmmmm.....call me Sherlock but I'm betting something is up here. I kindly tell her that she is going to have to live with the phone or purchase a new one but there will be no returns for this phone. This is where it gets funny!!!!

Turkey Neck shit a brick! She called me names, I think anyway, as her chins (plural) muffles her voice some! She pretended to cry, giving me the sob story of her welfare life and how she is on a fixed income! Whah, whah, whah! Her moo-moo was so tight that you could see the jiggling of her fat rolls! She pounded her meaty fist onto the counter demanding to see "THE manager" that very second. I kindly (again, holding back the giggles) called for the manager.

He came up from behind her and you could see that he was considering running and making one of the other managers take the fall. I held back the giggle again!

Once he got to the counter, he asked what the problem was and listened to her piss and moan some more. She did the whole routine over again, barely taking in a breath as she yelled about her problems. After some Lamaze breathing on her part, she shut up for a few moments. The manager took a few steps back and said "I'm sorry, but we cannot help you!" Then the show began.

Her arms were flapping away, revealing the revolting smell that seeped out from her pits, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, resembling a scene from "The Exorcist" and she kicked the cart. Both the manager and myself let a giggle escape. It was freaking hilarious. Then pork butt yelled some more obscene words towards us and waddled her way out the door.

The only thing that irritated me was she ran into a cart with a infant in it, nearly knocking the baby out of the cart, and of course, making no apologies. I wanted to go after her and smack her around some but thought better of it after I realized her one thigh could crush me.

Then I pulled out the Fabreeze and sprayed the air to cover her raunchy stench. I also disinfected the counter as she did an awful lot of spitting. All the cashiers were watching when they could and were laughing their asses off at me! I'm a bit of a germaphobe though!

My days have been filled with fundraisers lately and I apologize for not making my rounds. I will sit down tonight and steal the computer and my favorite blanky from my hubs and say hey!

12 comments:

Brittany said...

That is AWESOME!
I used to be a manager for a local store and i LOVED the challenge of customers, who wanted to return nonsense items. It was so fun.

N said...

Hysterical! I love tantrums and I too laugh my butt off. I have to listen to many a tantrum weekly from my daughter, niece, sister...LOVE IT! Tantrums always make a great story--thanks for the laugh!

Mama Zen said...

Customer service is such a joy!

Sandy C. said...

Whoa! What a loon! So sorry you had this encounter :(

"Turkey Neck shit a brick!"...this is why I love you ;)

cyndy said...

Ugh, what a visual I now have!

Lisa said...

I'm glad you could find the humor in that woman. Many would have let her drive them CRAZY!!!

Target does have a really tough return policy, but a year later - c'mon!!!

April said...

Ugh, I don't miss retail...although I'm STILL in customer service and have to deal with annoying people like that. Most of the time, thankfully though, it's over the phone so I can give them the finger or make faces! LOL

Tara R. said...

You have to have superpowers to put up with that and not either laugh yourself silly or go postal on someone's ass... I would have brought out the Lysol too.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

Glad you were able to laugh at that crazy lady. But I guess that is all you can do for a crazy lady :)

Mike Golch said...

you should hear some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth sometimes,I would make the sarge of Beetle Bailey fame blush.

jess said...

lol. does your boss know you're blogging about your job?????

LMAO...

i always feel guilty as hell returning something..i've even kept stuff b/c i was too ashamed to return it, but i know some people just LIVE for returns.

Kathryn said...

Wow. Glad I'm not in customer service anymore.