Another bummer post....read if you want.....

Another long ass post......I don't expect you to read it all! Honestly!

Upon moving to Sioux Falls, Karma has kicked our ass. I hate the saying "when it rains, it pours" but I totally get that saying! We have had a black cloud hovering over our heads for quite some time now. Some days it seems that things are getting better, but then "Whamo", we get hit in the gut again.

I don't like to be the bitcher, griper, negative person however, the past 4yrs have made me very raw! I try to be positive, I really really do! I try to smile and laugh through my tears! Most days I accomplish this task, other days I don't feel like I can get out of my bed.

I'll give you the rundown of the last 4yrs......in a minimal way! I have been writing books lately with my post but I love coming here and documenting my pathetic life.

1: The day we moved in, our house floods. This is where the mold comes into play. See this post. The words fuck, shit, son-of-a-bastard, piss, damn it were running rampant out of my mouth. I have never been so flustered in my life!!!

2: For the next months, my daughter is sick all the freaking time! The poor girl actually missed over a month of school (throughout the year!) There was nothing we could do. We didn't know what to do. I cried many of tears to the doctors, determined that she had some sort of life altering disease. I swore my daughter had CF. I was a nervous wreck all the time and had to check on my daughter nightly to make sure she was still breathing. It was a very dark period of my life.

3: Me and Diva were running errands when some stupid punk bastard hit us from behind. I knew he was going to hit us so I braced my foot on the brake pedal and just said a little prayer. Thankfully, because my car is the bomb, we suffered no injuries at the time. The car was intact and drive able. The bastard's car was destroyed. I was sure that we were not hurt, even though my lower back was spastic. Within the weeks, my back hurt so bad that I was getting maybe an hour of sleep a night, I was barely able to walk, going shopping with my friends was impossible and my mood went straight into a depression from lack of sleep and pain. I went to a Orthopedic doctor who put me in physical therapy and acupuncture. It was my S.I. bone that was rubbing up against my pelvic bone. This doctor was a God's send. The insurance company of the bastard gave me hell and I had to get a lawyer. After a years fight, I finally just said "Screw it, tell them to pay the damn doctor bills and be done with this shit!" Stupid, because now when my S.I. joint bothers me, it is my money that pays for the therapy.

4: Still fighting with my daughters issues. I get a sinus infection that kicked my fat ass all over the town. Sick all the time, tired all the time, ugh! 5 different meds, nose sprays, saline drops, etc. and I couldn't kick this sinus infections ass. Totally helpless again. Then one day, I couldn't get off my couch. My head hurt, my neck hurt, my back hurt. I couldn't move my head without excruciating pain. My hubby was at work and called the doctor. I drove to the doctor (a few blocks away) after picking up my kid. I don't remember this. I remember being at the doctor, them taking my daughter out of the room for a minute and told me that they thought I had a tumor. Go.To.The.Hospital! They wanted to send me by ambulance. I swore that I would go now. I had the work up there, spinal taps after spinal taps, CT scans, etc. I was sent home without knowing what the fuck was wrong with me. It was not a tumor though. Two agonizing days later, I spiked a temp of 105.6. Hubby was in EMT school. I called the doctor and he told me to get my ass to the hospital. Call the ambulance. I called a friend instead. Diva was screaming b/c she did not want to see me go through the hell I went through the last hospital visit. Thankfully, my neighbor grabbed Diva. I was standing outside (for reasons I don't know) when a traveling sales man stopped by. He thought I was going to die. He put his hand on my head and prayed, and prayed, and cried. He stood there with me until my friend pulled up. I puked at the hospital, cried in pain and they admitted me. A neurologist came in and told me I had spinal meningitis from the sinus infection. 3 days in the hospital with lots of pain killers until I was released to go home. It was viral, which isn't serious. But the pain could stay with me for months. Luckily, it did not. The day I got out of the hospital, our friends called and convinced us to come to their house so I could get pampered at a party. My neighbor and her son were fighting in the drive way (nothing new, he was a very hard teenager). The fight ended with him shooting his self in the head. I felt like shit b/c hubs asked if we should stop and intervene in the shouting match. I told him no, b/c she always told me to never interfere when they are fighting. I cried so much and had so much guilt riding on me plus a super sized headache, I truly thought I wanted to die. It was terrible.

5: Hubby got laid off from his job. We freaked. What the hell are we going to do??? I went to work cleaning houses and we cut back on everything. The positive thing is we made it. We still paid all our bills and we were okay. Hubs found a different, better job. Things were looking up!

6: I have a laproscopic (sp?) surgery. It is determined that I definitely need a full hysterectomy. Scheduled in 2 weeks. Got a infection in the incision sight. A bad infection. Start meds.

7: Hubs in N. Carolina, house floods with 14-18inches of water. You've already heard this story and if not go here.

8: I have a hysterectomy. Completely blindsided by the pain. I figured that b/c of all the kidney surgeries and C-section and how fast I bounced back with little to no pain, this would be okay. Hell no! The pain was so intense. I was miserable, I wanted to die. Seriously, I told my best friend that I was not going to make it through this. I couldn't handle the stress from the flood, the pain from the surgery and the emotional state of depression I was falling into. She was scared. I ended up with a infection again (allergic to the surgical equipment was the reason for the infections). Throwing up with a major incision across your stomach is so sucky. I slept outside on the deck, so when I threw up, I could just throw up and not worry about trying to make it to a bucket. I couldn't move. 3 weeks of pain......3 weeks of hell!


9: Fight, Fight, Fight with the city and school. Beg, plead, cry, yell! Nothing works. The school laughed at us......told us to get a lawyer. Even though it is clearly their fault for the floods and for the sickness. Many tears have been shed.

10: Get a shit brick lawyer that is more like a monkey playing a lawyer role. To continue the lawsuit and win, we have to come up with $5000 to do a detailed study. This is after we spent all our savings by plunking it all in the basement. Mostly so we don't get a lien on our house. Stress....stress.....stress!

11: Hormone replacement almost puts me into diabetic shock. Hormones are not working with me. I decide to go solo. No hormones. Fibromyalgia starts to bother the shit out of me. My emotional state goes south again. I cannot handle much more. I just can't handle it.

12: Medical bills coming to me everyday. Problem, all extra money is going to home. Medical bills are going to have to be put on the back burner. Of course, they go to collections, destroying our credit. Judgements, threats of garnishing wages, numerous phone calls. At this point, I am a total mess. I am crying every single day. I don't leave the house much, I don't talk to people, I just cry a lot. I am so stressed that anxiety and panic attacks are taking over my body. Heart palpitations, blood pressure rising sky high, hair falling out, throwing up blood, blood coming from the other end too. Again, the thoughts that would run through my mind were scary. I am a damn good actress though, and too this day a lot of people don't know how bad it was. I wanted to die! I prayed to God, please let me die. My hubby and friends know something is wrong, but they don't know as much as they probably needed to know.

13: Finally cry my eyes out to the doctor, who knows everything about my life. He tears up as well. He feels so sorry for me. He recognizes the signs, and prescribes some very aggressive pills. He is determined to help. I have a panic attack while with him. He quickly checks my blood pressure. Normally, I am 115/65.....panic attack blood pressure 155/120. He Wigged out!

14: Still fighting with medical bills, still having huge repercussions of the floods. Still have mold but cannot leave house as we will still owe money on it because of loss of value. We are stuck. Mold not an issue to anyone else (insurance company, lawyer, schools, city!) Who cares.....it's not them. Stress is very, very overwhelming in my life. The meds helped.....but I still have panic attacks and I still cry a lot. Just never around anyone. I've cried today, after getting a letter from a bill collector who doesn't care about my situation. No one cares. No.One.To.Help!!!

I had to vent today. I have to cry or I cannot function. We make a good living. My hubby makes great money. I have started working part-time not only for my sanity, but for money to pay off bills. Fight with insurance company b/c I am positive I got screwed. For my one surgery, they paid over $20,000 and yet the hospital isn't satisfied with that. Thanks for the pain meds that didn't work and cost me $500. I hate the fucking hospital. I hate them. My friend, who doesn't have health insurance and goes to have surgeries and e.r. runs all the time (because she is a hypochondriac) and she gets all her bills wrote off. Over $75,000 wrote off, because they don't have the determination to get health insurance and better their family. She has had over 10 jobs in the last 6months and her husband is on job 6. No determination. But they reap the benefits, and I reap the shit!

I'm tired people.....I am soooooo tired of karma hating me! I'm so worried about mold, sickness, and all the other worries. I don't know what to do! I could take it to the media, but my lawyer doesn't advise it. We have exhausted all measures.

Life kinda sucks my friends!!!!
Can you tell this has been a bad day???