Yeah, that's right, 2 posts in one day! I have a lot to say.....which should totally surprise you all because I never just ramble uncontrollably or step up on my soap box.
The mall trip was interesting enough. I got yelled at by a very crabby janitor (whom we have had run In's with before) because I was holding my soda wrong and he was overly concerned I was going to spill. I very sweetly told him "I don't think you should be telling me what the hell to do.......k?" He angrily walked away grumbling some words of disgust. The old bastard obviously had a run in with some bad crack. Ass!
Then of course the hooligans were driving me insane. "Can we have this? Can we have that?"; "Pleeeeeezzzzzeeee?" "Oh my gosh, I need to have that! I cannot live without it....we will clean your house for you!" (uh huh, I fell for that snot trap before and I'm still waiting for my house to be cleaned!)
The whole time I'm politely and patiently saying "NO! Stop asking!" or "I'm not going to tell you NO again!" and "Am I speaking in whale or something? Can you not understand my language? Do I need to slow down for you?" They think it's funny and walk away rolling their eyes at me because they KNOW I am a big ole' sucker for their puppy dog eyes but today I'm pretty sure I would have kicked a puppy in it's tail! So, it didn't work!
Take that you little life suckers!
My wonderful hubby did attend the shopping excursion. He muffled a few laughs at us! Mainly because I don't pick my fights with them and am constantly giving them the lecture.
They also called about 14 more times after my last post. Finally I answered the phone like this:
"Hello, you have reached the number of a very disgruntled mother. If you want to go to the mall today, then I suggest you hang up and unless you are bleeding from the ears, don't call back! If you don't listen to this warning, you will be hung by your toes in a dark, monster infested closet. If you want to know your rights, please hit "0" to talk to a representative from "Social Services".
I will save you some time, you have no rights! So hang up the phone and forget this number or I will slap you in the forehead!"
I heard giggling and then "mmmmmmoooooooooommmmmmmm! Are you there? Listen to me: we are booooorrrrrreeeedddd and want to go! Moooommmmm! I'm not kidding! Come now!!! I'm not bleeding from the ears though!"
The little punks won't learn their lesson will they!?
And upon picking them up, I realized that my daughter looked similar to a "walking trash can!" Seriously, can she just wear some of the cute, expensive clothes that I have bought her for once???? No, she has on Capri's (in snow) with hot pink snow boots on. Her hair is a mess, I'm sure her breath smelled of sewage, and she had a lovely stained shirt on that she dumpster dived for after I threw it out!
She was banned from ever going in public with me again! A promise I know I can hold true too!
We call Diva "Stinky" all the time. That has been her actual nickname for a very long time. We decided that her friends name is "Dookie" so we can just yell "Stinky Dookie!" I'm so creative!
And the best news is that our retarded superintendent of the schools is packing his bags and leaving. Actually, he got a job in my old stomping grounds. The place I lived for 30yrs. I am not sad to see Dr. Dumb leave. See ya later! I'll pack his damn bags for him if he wants. This is the jerk who swore water ran up hill (no we don't live in the Cosmo's)
See ya Sucker! We dislike you more then a infected zit on our asses. And may I mention that the teachers were planning a petition to get his weasel ass fired. And I also wanted to add that my hubby and myself both predicted what this snake would do! Loser!
Gotta go take a much needed nap! Have a great day!