I'm so glad it is Monday and Sunday is O.V.E.R.
I'm so glad that I didn't strangle any children this weekend or shove a toothpick in my hubby's pee hole.
I'm so glad that the wind is blowing so hard outside that gravel shoots out my eye whenever I venture out into the hurricane.
I'm so glad that my friends dumb ass husband is in jail for drinking and driving and domestic abuse and that for once, we ganged up on her and told her that there will be no more help if she doesn't put an end to this and protect her children.
I'm so glad that I'm constipated again and the only relief is sticking a suppository up my butt and we all know that Krissy says "Hell No To That Hole!"
I'm so glad that I'm having a craving for chocolate but my thighs are starting fires when I walk so I have to have some will power and say NO to the chocolate, before I go up in flames.
I'm so glad that my spanx have a hole in them and I think it's because they finally broke under the pressure of my blubber butt.
I'm so glad that my child's room was finally cleaned yesterday by me (yes, I gave in and couldn't handle the dump anymore) but today she is having friends over AGAIN and I'm quite certain that the little rats will mess it up.
I'm so glad for the fact that the wind might have just stripped the paint off of my house.
I'm so glad that the laundry is reproducing before my very eyes.
I'm so glad that I don't have detergent for the dishwasher so that means I either get off my fat ass and go to the store or I hand wash all dishes. Or I call the hubby and promise sexual favors just to get him to do it.
I'm so glad that I'm actually contemplating the suppositories now because my stomach is looking like a scene from "Alien!"
I'm so glad that daughter and friend just walked through the door and have already destroyed the house in 2.5 seconds.
I'm so glad that I had to threaten bodily harm to them unless they clean up their Mother f'ing mess!
I'm so glad that they look at me and giggle. Scoundrels.
I'm so glad that my friend that put her loser hubby in jail last night just called and is considering dropping all charges, even though he is an alcoholic and the state would pay for counseling.
I'm so glad that her poor daughter had to hide the beer from her dumb ass father yesterday, called the cops on him and wrote a letter to her mom that had a phone number on it for a Alcohol Rehab place she heard on the radio. She's 10yrs old.....
I'm so glad that this said girl is here with me right now and doesn't want to go home. I might not make her if her parents don't pull their heads out of their bunghole.
I'm so glad the girls are jumping on the bed even though they totally know better.
I'm so glad that I am losing my voice from yelling at the brats and yet they still giggle and roll their eyes at me.
I'm so glad that my daughter needs an ass whooping today.
I'm gonna go give those children and piece of my mind and then I'm gonna eat their chocolate donuts I bought them for a treat.
Then I'm gonna hope that my thighs start me on fire.
This is me being optimistic today. This hasn't been one of my favorite weekends. I must go now b/c apparently those rugrats needs me for something as they are screaming at the top of their lungs "MOM!" I told them to hand over the donuts but the buttmunchers already stuffed them into their face holes.........
And they are now cackling at me thinking that I am the biggest loser in the world and know that I'm a freaking pushover!
AAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh! I love those kids! :-)