Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The lesser of two evils.

Do I blog or do I carefully watch my husband as he is having chest pains?

Do I blog or do I secretly peep in on my husbands office to make sure he is alive?
Do I blog or do I quietly call the doctor and ask 10,001 questions?
Do I blog or do I not so quietly sob in my pillow because I am worried?
Do I blog or do I drug myself so I don't freak my husband out any more?
Do I blog or do I hold my stomach because it hurts from the stress?

Do I blog or do I quickly go for a brisk walk to clear my head?

Yep, I am consumed with fear. My husband will be fine. I am sure. The doctor is sure. I figure if I keep saying this I will convince myself. But I still worry, cry and weep because he is the rock in the family and he cannot be hurting. He tries to put on a brave face yet I can see the fear in his eyes too. Arm pains going into the jaw. Chest pains. High blood pressure. I am freaking out my friends. I do not like him hurting.
I'm only gonna ask for some prayers that he feels better and the doctor can fix him. And pray that I have enough strength to stay strong. Strength is something I lack daily. I am not strong. Actually, (shhhh...don't tell) I am a very weak person. It is true. You may all be thinking "yeah right!" but honestly, I am a very weak, weak person. Worry attacks me daily. I worry about things that cannot be fixed. I worry about "What if's?" and I worry about things that are plain and simply stupid. I am a worrier and I am very weak.

Know that I still visit your blogs even though I haven't commented like forever. I am so sorry. These "issues" have been sucking the life out of me and I find myself just not wanting to talk to anyone as I can break down in tears at any given moment. This past weekend my husband went on a very relaxing fishing trip with his best bud and I played the part of "freedom from worry" very well. I convinced those who know my deep dark fears that I was doing better, yet inside I was scared. I tell you this only because I need to find an outlet soon. The truth is, this blog was going to be private. I wasn't going to allow anyone to read my thoughts. I needed to find a safe place from all the issues I was having with my health. Then I realized that the greatest source of strength comes from those who choose to lift you up when you are down. People who are not selfish and will not judge and will walk with you when you are in the dark. People who have faith and love for God. People who will put aside their problems to give me an ounce of love. And even though I have never met you face to face, you always seem to lift me up. Thanks for that.
Okay, enough with the daytime Emmy stuff here. Happy thoughts! Must.think.happy.thoughts.

I visited a blog last night that had me chuckling. Ohmommy found a very fun spot that entertained me for awhile. I will share the pictures that made me snort.

This is my husband. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I am laughing out loud right now.

Wishful thinking. I know. But I love David. He is sooooooo fabulous. That body. Good Lord, that body. Look very closely at the tattoo and his cell phone hanging from his neck. It is me. Yummy.

My husband didn't like this picture. He doesn't like to think of her getting married. I laughed because she would wear something this 80's on her wedding day.

Mona Lisa had a few dirty secrets. She was secretly a man. Or she just had issues with facial hair and waxing wasn't an option back then. My husband isn't a very pretty woman either.

I really resemble Yoda more then Obie.

We call Stink "SuperS" sometimes so this is fitting. She looks like a dork. I love it.
I am printing these off and hanging them on the wall!
"Laughter is the best medicine for a worried soul" Firecrackermomma said that.


Kori said...

Will be praying for the hubby and for your peace of mind.

Those pictures are hilarious.

Love ya darlin bug hugs to you.

Kel said...

I'm sorry you are so worried...I'm praying for your hub and sending you all good thoughts! Glad that you found some source of happiness in the midst of all this!

I'm here if you need anything!

April said...

Ugh, stress. :-P It drains the life outta us! I'm POSITIVE your hubby will be fine. I'm thinking of you, cuz I would be just as worried myself!

sltbee69 said...

Praying for your hubby. Let us know what the doctor says, okay? (((HUGS)))

OHmommy said...

Oh shit Krissy, I missed the Star Wars one. I have to go check it out.

As for your hubby. I am praying for you guys!

Kathryn said...

You are not a wimp because you worry. I am a worrier too, but I definitely don't see myself as a wimp. Hang in there honey. I'll pray for you and hubby.

Fun pics. :)

A Buns Life said...

Ask all the questions you need to put your mind at rest, or at least so you feel like you understand everything that is going on. I'll be thinking about all of you....if he is having chest pains and pain going down his arm at any point go to the ER. I hope he is feeling better....


DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm sending healing vibes to your hubby!
Love the pictures.