Monday, December 1, 2008

A side of Humor with my Insanity.

Today was one of those "kapow in the kisser" days. I found out that a young kid I know passed away this past weekend from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident. My "Scoober Boober" dog has what I believe is a intestinal blockage. She just got a mouth full of mineral oil per the Internets advice. My "Vamper Rampers" dog cracked her nail straight down the middle all the way to the bottom and bled all over the place. This means I will be carting two disobedient but very loved mutts to the vet tomorrow. It should be completely shitty. But I will sell my kidney to fix my fur kids. Not to mention I could never, ever tell my daughter that her best pal's died.

I decided that my day was crap so I took my daughter and her friend to see the Wizard of Winter. You probably all seen the Budweiser commercial with the house that lights up to Christmas music? Well....we have our own (and better) house in a town only a few miles away. Go here to check out this spectacular light show. It only has video's from the prior years and I must say, this years is bigger and better plus his neighbors are getting into the spirit too. So, it is more then one house "dancing" to Christmas music. And...And...And...he takes donations and all proceeds goes to Make a Wish! In the last 3yrs, he has raised over $50,000!!!! It's magnificent
So, in the car my daughter reminded me of a very funny story. I thought I would share.

Sheylee was about 5yrs old and decided that she was not able to wipe her own butt anymore. So, she would call you into the bathroom, where you would find her bent over with her butt cheeks spread and poop smeared all over. It was soooooo not pretty.

Me and my husband were going insane. She was in school for criminey out loud. I'm just glad her bowl movements were always on schedule and always when she was home. I couldn't imagine the embarrassment of her teacher finding her in this position. the time we were remodeling our bathroom. There was a gigantic hole where the tub was going to go. My husband and I were downstairs working when we heard the words: "Mooooommmm.....Dddddaaaadddd.....Come wipe my butt." She didn't know we were downstairs so my husband yells up through the hole:

"Sheyleeeeee.....This is the Butt need to start wiping your own butt!"

I heard Sheylee say:

"Oh my just scared the crap out of me. Who are you?"

My husband repeats:

"This is the Butt God. I came here to tell you that you are too old to have your mom and dad wipe your butt. It's gross. Staaaarrtttt wiiiipppiiinnngggg yyyyooooouuuuurrrr ooowwwwnnnn bbbuuuttttt!"

I laughed until I peed. It was hilarious. I hear Sheylee go:

"Fine. I will wipe my own butt. But it is not my fault if I have poop in my undies!"

It may not be funny to you.....but the Butt God story is a classic in our home. We laugh every time. I get the vision of my parents being old and decrepit and living here instead of a nursing home. I get the unsettling vision of my parents needing their butt's wiped and hearing my husband yelling down to them:

"This is the Butt God....wipe your own Butt!"

I'm gonna go drink a little wine and pray that my pups are all better soon. I'm gonna pray for Matt, the young kid who lost his life this last weekend and I'm gonna think about his family. My heart is heavy. Not to mention tomorrow would have been my father-in-law's 64th Birthday. I miss him terribly. I wish he was here. I could really use some advice right now. My husband is not so hip on his current job because they are being dorks and I know he could use his dad's wisdom. My father-in-law was the most brilliant business man I have ever known. *sigh* But I keep on "Keeping ON" because he would not be at peace if we were not. But that doesn't mean I can't wish for him here.

Fly High Matt!

Happy Birthday Dave. We miss you so very much! I can almost feel your strong hugs that I would so often get. Just one more hug, one more smile, one more laugh, one more day. We love you!


Kat said...

The butt god. HAHAHA!!! That is hilarious! Especially since it worked! Classic! hehehe
Just the kind of laugh I needed. Thanks. :)

Kori said...

Oh my gosh Krissy that is Hilarious. Loved it. Love you. Will be praying for you to have peace in all you do and all you feel today.

kel said...

I can see why the butt god story is a classic - it is funny!

Hang in there honey...

Tara R. said...

The Butt God! That is freakin' hiiarious!

I hope your furry pals are better very soon, and hubs finds some happiness in his job. I know how it is for your SO to hate his job, or dislike it severely.

Patois said...

I'm glad you can all recall in fondness the Butt god when life seems to be giving you sh@t. Good luck with the dogs and getting through the "firsts" without Dave.

Momisodes said...

OMG! I will have to try the Butt God message with my daughter. LOVE IT!

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Such a tragedy. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hope the pups feel better soon.

April said...

Oh thank gawd for the Butt God to lighten up your day a little!! And your cute little Diva for REMINDING you of the story.

My thoughts are with that poor boy's family. And with YOU for missing your sweet FIL this time of year. It's the roughest time to not have our loved ones (I still miss my Daddy six years later and ESPECIALLY after this week).

Now for some good news, GO READ MY BLOG!!! :-)

tattooed mama said...

who wouldn't think the butt god story is funny. i slmost peed too and i'm just reading! hope your fur kids are feeling better and prayers for you friends and family.