Thursday, December 4, 2008

You cannot laugh!!!

My daughter. My adorable, sweet, perfect (at times) daughter.


She is my daughter. And for that.....I have no one to blame but myself.

I'll explain. This is another story of how my daughter can embarrass the shit right out of me.

We decided to go shopping for her teachers Christmas gifts and a few of her friends gifts as well (which resulted in buying 10 gifts for all her "best friends"). We were in a store at the mall that has a variety of things. Skanky things if you go in the wrong area (I avoid when I'm with my child but ironically it happens to be my favorite shopping spot when I'm alone), kid things in the good area and a great assortment of cheaper but cool gifts. And there is an area that the teenagers that look like they worship the devil find their clothes.

My daughter, who was staring down a young teenage girl dressed in baggy black pants, chains hanging lower then her pants, spiked black hair, some shirt that had a demonic saying on it, white make-up, black lipstick, and earrings all over the place. She was spooky. I said a few "hail Mary's" after I looked into her strange eyes. Anyway......

My daughter, who never seems to know when to shut her hole, yells:

"Mom, is that a girl or a boy that is dressed all Gothic?"

(imagine her saying this with her hand on her hip, her eyes rolling and her head sashaying)

I prayed like the dickens and pushed (literally) my daughter out the door. I felt the sting on the back of my head from the girl's stares. Gah!

After lecturing her about stereotyping.....and....I'm ashamed to say.....after I got on my knees thanking God I didn't die from Gothic Girl killing us (What? Don't judge know damn well you stereotype too......)we proceeded to Younkers. I was interested in bedding. We happened to go through the make-up area. A older lady was getting a make-over. My daughter, who thinks she is the fashion guru (even though her coat, which is supposed to be a bright green, is covered in chocolate milk, mud and who the hell knows what else) mentions very loudly:

"That lipstick looked hideous on her!"

This is where I considered taking her to the security guards and telling them she was a lost child.

Me...being the patient mother I am, told her that I would shave her head bald the next time she embarrasses me like that. And I mean it people. I will Her head bald. That needed clarification. Moving on.......

We made it through Thanksgiving without my father-in-law, his birthday and now Christmas and my daughter's birthday are coming up. We are not anticipating the holidays at all. Well. Craig and I are not anticipating daughter has presents on the brain right now...which is fine by me. I hate to see it when she misses her papa. We still have some stress and big decisions that we need to get through but all in all.....we are doing good. If you could pray that my husband can find a job he enjoys and not one that he despises, I would be grateful. And pray that we find some peace in our heart. Thank you so much.

Now. For you amusement. A funny joke.

What do you call a delivery truck full of vibrators on Christmas Eve?

Toys for Twats!

ha, ha, ha.


DysFUNctional Mom said...

I recommend duct tape. =)
I hope you all are able to get through the holidays remembering the good times.

Kel said...

hahaha - funny!
On a side note - we've had a rash of cars being broken into while in the parking lots of the stores (people shopping for xmas) so the news came on and said 'we should think about taking someone with us to LEAVE in the car while we shop.' My thoughts are "if I've got to take my daughter with me shopping, why can't I just leave HER in the car while I go shop?" She can talk all she wants, I don't get embarassed AND the car is kepts safe. :) (Perhaps you should look into this) hehehe

Patois said...

Sadly, it would be my kids using the shaving-the-head threat on me, so I don't think I'll tell them about your outing.

Tara R. said...

Your daughter rawks!