Monday, December 8, 2008

A fly on our wall....

My marriage is strong, fun, and will last a lifetime. We have an understanding between each other. However, our marriage is always put on a pedestal by others. People envy our marriage. People wish they had a loving marriage like us.

It is true. My husband is a very affectionate man. He routinely shows his love in front of others as I do as well. We are truly, deeply, madly in love. We love our lives, we love our daughter, we love our family. We share love with each other and yes...I think my husband is pretty terrific as well. I am proud of the bond we worked so hard to achieve and I am proud to say that I am pretty spoiled rotten.

But....and this is a big but...we do have our moments of wanting to poke each other in the eye sockets. We have our moments that we leave the house running to get the hell away from each other. I have been known to call my husbands friends and beg them to take him to the bar and out of the house. Especially when my favorite show is on and he is whining like a baby.

You would laugh or cry if you were a fly on our wall though. It can sound something like this.

Husband: "You are being bitchy."

Me: "You are being a bag of vomit!"

Then there are the days that he makes me want to push him down the stairs. For instance. My husband is completely dependant upon me. I'm surprised I haven't had to wipe his ass yet. He cannot manage anything without my help. I know it is a cliche to say "He is like another child" but honestly....he IS like another child. My ears bleed. I hear any given day:

"Honey, Hon, Hooonnneeeyyy" or "" or "Woooffff, Wooooffff, Wooooffff, Bark, Woof,Bark"

from the kid, the husband and the dogs. And then there is the phone. I get asked daily for favors from somebody. I want to hide under a blanket of warm sand in Bermuda from these people. I.Am.Not.Kidding. It is annoying as SHIT.

I swear it is the curse of "Stay-at-home" mom. Your husband expects the world, your kid expects the universe and the friends/other family/acquaintances expect the leftovers. Apparently, my "job" was to become every one's "bitch" when I became the stay-at-home mom. It stinks of hot garbage.

And if that isn't enough, I am also expected to do much more because I only have one kid. So, that means if Sheylee's friends have siblings, then I am expected to pick up slack and be responsible for play dates. I'm considering pulling my child out of school, ending all relationships with her friends and homeschooling her. Pretty much I'm going to turn her into a hermit. It's appropriate since I'm considered a "troll".

Today I got mad at my husband/overgrown-child and made up a Christmas song for him to hear.

To the song "Deck the Halls"

"Deck Craig's balls with a bunch of bruises.....falalalalalalala....laaaaaa!"

He has since left the house giving me the space that I desperately needed. This is where "Understanding" comes into play. He understood that if he didn't get out of my face, he would have his balls for lunch. It's good to be evil.


Tara R. said...

My favorite term of endearment for hubs when he is doing his best to get on my last nerve is 'butt-faced monkey boy.' I pull that one out only when I mean business. Bwahahaha! I like your song better and it's all holiday-like and stuff.

Kat said...

That sounds VERY much like me and my hubby. ;)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I think y'all should have your own sitcom. I'd watch it!

Rita's Rants n Raves said...

I agree with Dysfunctional mom, I would watch your show all the time, I love your posts.

Tara R. said...

(p.s. I left something for you at my place.)