Monday, February 16, 2009

And away we don't go....

This past weekend, I was anxiously awaiting the escaping out of my home. I was fit to be tied all week. Just me and my husband, riding in a car, sans the child that cannot stop saying "mom?" all the effing time.


I was even more excited because my husband was tired after working until 3am in the mourn. This meant I could listen to my "Journey" CD without any interruptions besides a snoring husband. Ahhhhh.....

We were going to Kansas City to help a friend move some of her belongings back home. And we were pulling a trailer with our truck. A regular sized truck. No semi. No diesel guzzling truck. Just a 4 wheel drive Chevrolet. Nonetheless....I hate driving this truck because I am vertical challenged. But it was well worth me driving it just to do nothing other then think to myself on the drive down.

I was pretty pumped in the a.m. before we headed south. I eagerly went outside to start the truck and pack our belongings.

I must digress here. For 5 weeks now my hubby has been badgering me to get a new set of keys made for all the vehicles. We only have one key for the truck. I told him "no." over and over because that is just to mundane of a chore for someone of my statue.


I locked the keys in our running truck.


I felt like a shit hole.

So. After 45minutes of the truck running and me pouting on the couch and my hubby laughing and snickering at my dumbness, a tow truck hero unlocked my truck. I promised to get another set of keys made tomorrow. And I instantly set up on star again. Because those wizards can open your doors instantly. So. That means we don't really need that other key but my bossy husband says "Yes.We.Do."

Blah, Blah, Blah.

To make a very long story short....I realized half way to our destination, it was Friday the 13th. Shit.Fuck.Shit. I am overly superstitious. I will drive blocks away from a black cat. Don't judge me!!!!

We hit Omaha, Nebraska and it was a complete white out. Snow.Snow.Snow. Ice.Ice.Ice. And goofy mother effers driving like they are on speed. Not fun. At this point my husband woke up. I was white knuckling the steering wheel and my eyes were set on the road ahead.

Did you know that when you are pulling something behind a truck that it can fish tail or lose control which incidentally, makes a freak like me lose all control of her intestinal track and bladder and closes her eyes, throw her hands in the air and yell hysterically. Not good people. Not good.

I got control again. And then when you try to break, did you know that the trailer you are pulling will actually push you forward, making it much harder to stop. And did you know on ice, this makes a freak like me scream and cry and scream some more. And then the hubby makes "suggestions" and that makes you yell:

"Just Shut.Up. Just shut the hell up. I will cut out your freaking juggler if you don't shut the hell up!"

Not good people. Not good.

And then when you finally make it to your destination, by the grace of God, all hell breaks loose and you realize that some people are down right losers and thief's and goober-booby heads. And then you see such diversity in different neighborhoods of larger cities and you cannot believe your eyes. Just unreal. And you realize that some people are scum. And that the trip down to grab a friends stuff is a waste because the "friend" sold and pawned all of her stuff for money. Which I'm pretty certain was for some crack to stuff up her nose. While her small, innocent children play in the streets. I'm not gonna even explain how much of a freaking crack whore this gal is and how she doesn't deserve kids.


However, the next day I hung with my husband on Valentines Day....went shopping at some very cool places....and had hotel sex. Yes. Hotel Sex. Jealous?


The next Friday the 13th, you will find me in a closet. K?


Kel said...

hahaha - ok, so the snow thing is not funny, but picturing you freak out is kind of funny and the hotel sex..sounds like it made up for the rest of the not so fun trip! WooHoo!!

Kat said...

Wow. Friends with a crack whore, huh? ;)
Sorry it turned out to be a bust, but at least you got some hotel sex. :)

April said...

I had this whole comment composed in my head until I got to the "hotel sex" part. And YES, I AM jealous! LOLOL

Tara R. said...

Sometimes hot hotel sex is just what superstitious chicks need.