Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm a crotchety, menopausal, stupid moron.

I am pretty competitive. Did you know that?? Well, I am. We bought the "Price is Right" Wii game and I shit a elephant if someone wins other then me. When driving, if a car passes me, I have the sudden urge to press a little harder on the gas pedal. I rarely walk away from a dare. That is why I have streaked around the house naked before. But that's a story that should never be shared.

Today was a celebration. A school teacher, and a friend, is battling cancer for the 2nd time in her life. She is a strong, courageous lady. The community was buzzing with life today. I have never seen so many of my fellow towns people in one place at the same time. It was beautiful. It was a carnival, a bake sale, a silent auction, a petting zoo. You name was there. And her fellow co-workers and the wonderful teachers in this community put on a brilliant, extraordinary celebration for her. Her spirits are high thanks to all the encouragement and love. I was impressed and seriously cried when I saw the turn out. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I was proud of this town.

So it was a Pink celebration since she originally battled breast cancer. I was decked out with a pretty pink blazer, some nice jeans and some high heeled boots. Even my purse matched. My daughter and friend were pretty in pink as well and wore some matching pink hats to celebrate in. I have to admit. I was feeling good this morning.

At the carnival was a game called "Dizzy Bats". Sounds fun, eh? You put your forehead on the bat, spin as fast as you can and then race to the finish line. You are pretty dizzy and it always makes for some funny moments. A friend mentioned to me that I didn't need the bats. I was already dizzy. I snarled at him and showed my teeth but took the joke in heed. I ran after him saying "Say that to my face, PUNK!" It was humorous.

Then my friends son wanted to race me. A normal person that already has bone density issues thanks to the lack of hormones would have instantly said no. Well, I am one stupid idiot. The least I should have done was ditched the heels. I am a walking catastrophe as it is. Heels usually result in some blood shed. I should have known.

But I decided against better judgement to just hurry up and beat the tarnation out of this much younger human. He is only 13yrs old but I could have so kicked his ass if I would not have been teetering on 2inch heels. Okay, maybe one inch. I don't have the slightest clue.

To make this shorter, even though I have a bruised ego and could use some pampering, I ended up in the doctors office. Yep, stupid ole' crotchety dumbass that I am snapped a ligament and pulled a tendon. Which mind you last week I pulled a groin muscle. So, in so many words, I am a freaking disaster. It was not fun to tell the doc what I did. I wish I had a story like "Well, I was drunk and fell off of a table while dancing." or "I ran down a murderer and brought him to justice."

But nooooooo....I was playing a silly kids game. Ugh.

I will be fine in a few weeks. Actually, it feels somewhat better already. No cast needed. Just a ugly tie-up bootie. It helps support the tender area so I cannot move it a lot. If he could have taken a X-Ray of my pride, it would have been worse then the foot.

Worse part, the friend that was teasing me saw the ugliness and him and his wife pity me because I am such a klutz. *sigh*

I'll be icing my foot and licking my wounds all week now. The funny part was the doctor actually wrote a prescription out that said:

"Husband is to cook supper, do dishes and take care of all his wives needs."

What a hoot. My husband didn't find this as funny. I am framing the bitch.

I still haven't told you about sweet friend that thoughtfully sent me a bracelet that reminds me of my dearly missed father-in-law. A person I never met in real life, but still thought of me as I grieve. A doll. A sweetheart. And if my computer didn't need to be reformatted AGAIN so I could download pictures, I would show you the beautiful bracelet. But apparently, when I download a buttload of shit, it really messes with the lap top. I blame the kid of course, it is more understandable if she does it and not me. That's the beauty about being a mom. You can totally blame the kid. :-)

Now that the pain killers are taking effect, I am going to go drool the night away. I am so out of touch right now and I will be even further behind after the reformatting takes place because I will have to add every blog to my favorites list again. I am already overwhelmed but there is no excuse for neglecting my bloggy friends. I'm just a bit unmotivated too, which doesn't help plead my case any. Sorry for being lazy.

And now....a quick joke.

A blonde takes her sweater into a cleaners to have it dry cleaned. She talks softly and the cleaner couldn't hear her. So he said "Come again?" The blond said "No, only mustard this time"


Kel said...

Oh you poor thing with your beat up ligaments and tendons....serves you right for telling evil blonde jokes (that yes, I've been the blond in once or twice in my life) :) hehe

Hope you feel better soon!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Ha ha!! I'm laughing too hard at your joke to properly symathize with you.
I am a klutz too. We can comisserate together.

Tara R. said...

You could have so kicked that kid's ass if you were wearing running shoes. I need a dr. like yours. That is the best Rx I've ever heard. Please tell me he didn't put an expiration date on that! Hope you're up and about soon.

April said...

Oh my goodness, OUCH! From one klutz to another, I feel your pain!

And what a sweetie Kel is! Post a pic as soon as your darn laptop starts cooperating!