Monday, November 10, 2008

How do you not wish......

I have a few friends who, as hard as it may sound to believe, talk to spirits. They do not see spirits, although one did have a ghost in her home, but they can talk to spirits. And one of them talked to my father-in-law on the drive to the funeral.

I am so jealous. I would love nothing more then for Dave to tell me that it is okay that he died alone....with a broken heart, both literally and not. He missed his ex-wife (my husbands happily remarried mother) and even after all the hurt and deception, would have taken her back.

The other spirit talking friend told me that they will talk to me when I stop wishing they would. I cannot stop wishing that. Sometimes I silently ask him to talk to me, sometimes when I'm alone I scream out to him. The dogs seem to think I am screaming at them because they run to the bedroom, their time-out room.

I still cry daily. I still miss him dearly. I am afraid of the holidays. I am afraid of his birthday which is coming up. I am afraid of forgetting him. But, I am grieving in a good way. I know that sounds silly, but I am grieving like I should and not ashamed of it. I cry when I need to, I have private moments of grief, I smile and laugh at funny moments, I may not be able to talk to him but I do feel him. I know he is with me when I need him the most.

Other then that, my daughter got her cell phone. I am sooooo sick of text messages and ringtones right now I could puke in her cereal bowl. She sent the same text of Stu from Family Guy to me 8 times. It is funny though when I get a text that says "Hi from the whole bus and I love you mom!" Then I don't mind the text. But I'm sick of Stu. She is obviously excited.

I'm pretty sure I have a hernia from the scar that was from a kidney surgery, c-section and the hysterectomy. They used the same opening 3X's and I'm sure it has caused a painful hernia. So, I've been walking like a blue hair all weekend fighting with my husband because I refused to go to the damn ER. And wouldn't you know when the doctor's office is open, I feel fine. So, I'm not going. I don't wanna go. I wanna stay home and read my Twilight book even though it really is supposed to be a book for teenagers. It is gooooood. If your a reader, and you are not accustomed to reading a book about vampires and such, I bet you would still like this book.

Well....the time has come to go vacuum for the 4ooth time this week and to do some laundry so I must stop blabbing. Okay, really, I'm gonna go play a game on MSN. I have good intentions.


Tara R. said...

I still talk to my grandmother sometimes... she died in 1993. I will always miss her, but I know that she's watching over me. That tinge of sorrow never goes away, but it does get better. Grieve however you need to, for as long as you need to. {{hugs}}

Kel said...

I have lots of friends who 'talk' to the spirit world - perhaps it's not so much about wishing, but more about opening your mind. Stop looking for the things you 'want' to see, the things you need to see to know he is talking to you and just look around at all the subtle ways he is already talking to you.

I know, much easier said than done.

A Buns Life said...

it's been 12 years since my dad died and I still miss him everyday. Hang in there. Xoxoxo

Kat said...

I completely believe that your friends can talk to spirits. And I also completely understand being afraid of the holidays this year. I am too. My dad will be in his room at the nursing home as we all eat around the table. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit.
Hang in there, love!

sltbee69 said...

I can't talk to them but I do go searching for spirits. As a matter of fact, I'm going to investigate a possible haunted building this Saturday night. I can't wait!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I don't think I could NOT wish for that, either.

Blessings From Above said...

I have never spoken to a spirit, but my husband and I did see a ghost in our hotel room a few years back.

BTW, I also am not a teen, but a LOVE the Twilight series. I am so addicted!

Patois said...

I'm going to say a hearty "Amen" to Tara's comment. I hope it eases for you some soon.