I finally did it......

I had a hell of a time getting my hooligans together to go do something other then playing Wii or getting full of sand with friends however, after numerous threats, lots of pleas, promises I wouldn't keep and the screaming to get their hineys in the darn car because we are going right now. Still they stared at me like I was speaking in dolphin or something.

Then the I pulled the big threat out......
NO, I didn't use "no sex" to the hubby.....
NO, I didn't threaten to take Diva's beloved stuffed puppy away....

I threatened to never, ever take my meds again and that made them push each other out of the way to get to the car first. And I smiled at my victory.

I decided (because I am the mom and I decide everything) that we were going to visit the beautiful "Falls Park" in downtown Sioux Falls. It is a lovely place and with the amount of rain we have received I knew the falls would be rampant. And even though water is my enemy because for some damn reason it feels necessary to pool in my basement, I cannot deny the beauty in the falls.

I explained in a non-politely way that I was going to get pictures of daughter and dad because I have a idea for wall decorations and I need a good picture of daughter and dad. In the past, this has always caused mass destruction in our household and usually I scream and yell and get pissed as hell as hubby and daughter laugh their asses off at me because they refuse to cooperate and feel that the pictures of bunny ears, tongues sticking out and distorted faces are wonderful.

Anyway, I got some shots that haven't been touched up any but I thought I would share nevertheless. And it's so funny because I have about 600 pictures and only a few that would make the cut. Only because the hooligans love messing with a menopausal bitch.

This is one of the raging falls. It's power is mesmerizing.


This is Diva "sorta" smiling and complaining because the sun was in her eyes!


So she turned around and watched the falls and asked a dozen questions like "what would happen if I took a boat over that?" Then freaked when we told her that it would be a really bad idea.


Oh, what's this? I forced smile where she sets her teeth in alignment and clenches her face! Even trying to make her laugh by speaking of farts (which normally gets tons of giggles) didn't work. She was being stubborn because she wanted to be at the mall. Little Fool!


Dad and daughter picture that I like. A little touch up and it may just work for my art.




The rocks around the falls are so fun! You can maneuver your way around and explore all sorts of things. And it's really funny when a klutzy mom falls on the rocks and collapses a lung too.


The back of my childs head that could seriously use a brush through it but whatever. I love how she is intrigued by nature and not webkinz. BTW....I do get her hair trimmed. We are in the "growing out the bangs" phase right now that is causing serious distress to me.


A real giggle. A real smile. A real moment with her dad.


I told her that if you kiss this stone buffalo's nose it would bring good luck for life. She was so excited that she practically licked it. Then we told her that she just kissed bird poop and she went into a spitting frenzy. Trust me, if that buffalo brought good luck I would be frenching it as I type!!!



And finally we decide to go home so Diva can go swimming with her dad and mom can take a nap. It wears you out trying to fight with these too punks.




And they are really going to throw a fit because next week we are hitting the Japanese Rose Gardens which is just as gorgeous as the falls. And the camera will be in my hand and I will be forcing poses and they will like it or I swear, I will throw the meds out the window.

Just FYI....the offer from hubby's new job was great and he is no longer working for the crap-hole job after tomorrow. We are pumped. We are stoked. We are anticipating great things to come..........

And the people that made me cry all weekend and hurt me (see previous post) will no longer bother me. I'm just moving on because there are always somebody to bring you down, but you always have to get back up!

And I'm standing back up!!!

Another night out......

Well, I didn't come in first with my boobies shots. Darn it.....those suckers could have won it......but thanks for the votes anyways.

Last night was a going out party for my little sweetie at Target. I am so sad that she is leaving because she is my boss and my sweetness. If you are counting, this is 3 weekends in a row of me going out. I was DD last night and had NOoooooo desire to drink after the unfortunate mudslides shooting at velocity speeds coming out of my nose and then tequila hell last weekend, I just couldn't handle the thoughts of alcohol burning more holes into my stomach lining. Plus, I wanted to be half way alive for Diva today other wise when momma ain't happy, there is no body happy.

This is Theresa, my sweetness and I. Sigh....I'm gonna miss her. Sorry for the blurry pic....I had to clean the lense. I think it was a little smokey from last weekend.

This is me doing yoga and my friend Heather talking on the phone. I shouldn't show that picture of me and remember the camera adds 200lbs to your upper leg and gut but whatever, that leg can go even further and can touch my ear. Yah, Yoga.

And a picture wouldn't be complete without Lynard and I being goofy, looking like rug muncher idiots. But, I don't really care.

And me and Becky

And me and a sweet bartender who wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek. I like to think it's because I am a hot sex bomb but I think the nice tip I left him helped. Damn.

And the girls just hanging.

I have like 450 pictures that I could show you but I don't think you want to see them all. Yesterday was a crap-shit-fuck day for me. Not only did we have more of this in our basement

which this is just a small glimpse of the water hanging out down there but a lot of personal issues that made me hurt like a jagged dagger plunging through my heart and then being pulled out and piercing me again and again. Don't worry, my husband, my daughter and I are okay...but each of us are hurt by someone very important to us. Actually, two people hurt me and I've cried rivers for about 24hrs. I'm crying right now but I will survive. I try anyway......not much else I can do.

I will survive.....aack! Surviving sucks!

My boobies need some love.

hey.....

I need you all to go to here to SarcasticMom's blog and vote for my boobs. Do it please. Number 14 is mine (meet the twins). This is one time I am going to beg and plead and beg and plead for you to do this for me. For once, I want these titties of mine to do some good for me.

Pass this on to friends, pass this on to enemies, just get my titties the votes.

I don't beg often and never ask for fame......but you know the trouble these melons have given me so they owe it to me.

I love you, please go vote! I'd do it for you! :-)

Sexy, Sex, Sex.......be prepared on this one my friends!

You may walk away now! Go on, it won't hurt my feelings. But this post is not for your typical prudes. You've been warned.

My goal is to give each and every couple something to add to their sex life. I just want you to face the facts. Your sex life could always use some sort of boost. Right? Is it always in the same position, the same place, the same blah, boring, so not orgasm way? Then take a dive into the world of Krissy's Sex Talk. You can do this. I promise. I don't care if you have kids, I don't care if you are exhausted. You can still give something to your relationship. You owe it to the both of you. And if you are a single person. The toys are your safest orgasm that you will ever get. No, you don't get the emotion with it, but you can name him and it may give you a better connection to your dildo/vibrator.

But I do focus on relationships. Why? Because I am in a relationship and I need the excitement as much as you do. Don't get me wrong. I do tell my husband "no" sometimes. But not a lot. So, ready to get your feet wet?

So, you wanna knock your partners socks off? You want to knock them off so hard that they actually fold themselves? How about this........Porn! Yep, good ole fashion raunchy, nasty porn. Watch for a while (at least 5 minutes) and then start fondling, playing, fore playing with your mate. Soon, you will be having just as much fun as the paid porn freaks but without the worries of disease. Consider it. It will get you hot and horny or you will laugh out loud. Either way, go into it with the intentions of having sex with the porn stars. Stop gasping, it isn't unheard of you know!

Simon Says: you know the game. You've played it as a kid. Now play it with your mate. "Simon Says to follow me to the bedroom!" "Simon says to lick like this!" You get the point. Make it into a fun adventure instead of "So, you wanna have sex?" "Yeah, I guess so, just hurry up...I'm tired. Hmmmmm.....no brainer.

The balls: Do you know that these are just as enticing to play with then the actual shaft? No, to squeeze them like your testing for fresh fruit. But, gently play, gently caress or gently poke in between the two sacks. This is best used for foreplay. Obviously. But if you are flexible and you can reach around and play while having intercourse, it will be very enjoyable for him. Just watch the hair, don't pluck one out because he will not.enjoy.that! Actually, he should be shaving the balls anyway because it does make the shaft look larger. Just a tid bit of info.

Communication in the bedroom. Don't just moan and groan people. Tell him what you like. Tell him where it feels good. Tell him if it hurts a bit. He won't know unless you open your mouth. You would be dumbfounded at how many married couples don't communicate in bed. Hell with that. If I don't like it.......he won't do it again. Case closed. And there is always the talking dirty too. This could possibly be the biggest turn on for you and your mate. Try this while watching the porno. Instant orgasm.

And the last thing for today is very crucial. Different positions. Different places. Different everything. Don't just do it in the bed. I have said it before and I will say it again. Take it outdoors when the neighbors are sleeping and the kids are snoozing. Be a rebel. You.Can.Do.This.

As always, make it safe if you are not happily married. Condoms or oozing sores. Take your pick. And always lube. Always. I will not tell you this enough. Lube or hurt later in life. Your choice. This isn't coming from me....this is coming from numerous doctors. Lube, Lube, Lube. If you need suggestions...my email has changed to sdiver1973@unitelsd.com

I am also going to have a guest blogger on here. My sex driven husband will tell you why guys need this. He will be blunt and honest like his crude wife. More to come later you little sex queens. And let me know if you tried any of these. You don't need to give me details. Just a yes or no. Either in comments or email.....I don't care. But I am wanting to save the world, one orgasm at a time. Remember? I need to know I helped.

Next topic will be on toys! Yummy, good for the orgasm toys!

Mood Today.......brink of disaster.

The meds haven't kicked in yet. The rain is falling and so are the tears. I don't know why. I'm just sad. I'm sad because sometimes I feel like we get shit spread on a piece of bread for breakfast. I just can't help feeling this way. I blog about this because I need a place to put my thoughts in order to better myself. So, this is a pity party for me and emotions are running rampant. I don't expect you to read this, as it is a downer in the worst way. I have full intentions of having a sex blog up by this afternoon that will be much more entertaining. So, skip this post and come back for some pillow talk later. K.

First off, the negotiations with the job are stressing me out. Their initial offer was nothing we could accept. Not that it wasn't a good offer, but my husband makes way more now and he refuses to back track. I agree as much as I want him away from the slimy company he is at. This doesn't mean it's over by any means because we negotiate back now and they really, really want Craig to work for them. But what they want him to do may not be acceptable. Sioux Falls is a bloody town right now fighting for jobs. This company doesn't have what it takes to join the ring. So, we wait and see what is next.

Second....medical bills. I am so sick of paying on medical bills I could spit fire. We pay close to $700 a month in medical bills. I don't know why. My insurance is awesome and I had a deductible of $2000. How can I owe $6000 in medical dues. And then after doing some hard research, I find out that the hospital is screwing the hell out of me and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Why? Because I'm to stupid to understand the insurance/hospital thing. The art of confusion. And then this stupid hospital is throwing a big bash for their employees. They are bringing in Rascal Flatts and Sheryl Crow. Okay, that's great because I did receive extra special care while in the hospital. I was spoiled and they deserve some extra love. But $5.5 million of extra love? I think not. I have to clean up puke where I work and trust me, I will never see a extravaganza like that. And for the love of all that is holy, my insurance has paid over $50,000 in medical bills and I can't even tell you how much I have spent out of my pocket. I think I am worthy of a damn ticket to see Rascal Flatts and Sheryl Crow. Son of a bitch. Non-profit hospital my dirty ass!

And then I think of all those wonderful fucking medical bills and realize that I am not even close to being done adding more to our account. I have a chronic illness and it isn't getting better. I am so close to a melt down today.

And then there is the basement, the flood, the hardships that eat at my stomach daily. It isn't going to get better with the basement. Why? Because we have to come up with $15,000 to PROVE that the bus barn is the problem for our floods, even though it is obvious. I don't have $15000 sitting in an account. So blow this....we are fucked.

I'm tired, no sleep, I'm exhausted from all the hot flashes, I feel out of control and I feel like crying like a baby. Okay, I have cried like a baby. I don't know what to do. You know what sucks the most? We are becoming closer and closer to becoming debt free. All of our vehicles and motorcycle are paid. We have paid $30,000 towards the principal of our house in 4 short years. We have small amounts on credit cards. We have medical bills that we are working diligently on. My house is consumed with hand me downs or consignment shopping items. The only things that we actually paid for is our 40 inch big screen t.v., or Wii, and our bed. That is it. And everyone remarks on how great of a decorator I am. All of my clothes are consignment. Yep, Plato's Closet is a God's send and so is another consignment shop that only has designer clothes for cheap. My hubby and child are dressed in the same attire, even though I usually splurge on Diva and buy Old Navy, Children's Place and JC Penny. I don't live a high life and we don't keep up with the Jone's. Why does it seem like we get shit on?

Okay, I am done. I feel a wee bit better. I am going to start on my sex post cuz that always makes me happy. If you made it this far, thank you. I don't expect sympathy. I don't expect you to feel sorry for me because even though I feel like I have poo flung at me daily, I also realize I have health, my daughter has health and my husband has health. And I have a wonderful, terrific extended family and a large group of supporters. I am blessed in many ways. I know that. I just need to vent about the shit now and again.

Love you all!

Is this a normal day for anyone else?

Last night I had to be a part of a reenactment. It was for the fire department and they needed volunteers to be victims of a bus accident. Diva didn't want to be a part of the excitement because a) she is staying with my sister for a few days to enjoy some fun with them and b) she would never get on a bus again if she saw what happened in case of an accident. She is a worrier like her father......er....I mean mother.

So, I was volunteered. We went to a car salvage lot and upon looking at the bus, I had second thoughts. It was the Partridge Family bus but it looked like the home of some critters that I didn't want to meet. There were 2 different towns with all their trucks and a big ole truck from Sioux Falls called the Emergency Rig. It is for disasters. So, we were reenacting some hard core injuries. Pieces of paper were handed out that told you what your injuries were and what you were supposed to be doing.

My first gig was the bus driver with a protruding object stuck through my gut. I got inventive and used a belt from one of the young girls there and had my water bottle sticking out. Then I found an old beer can on the floor. So, when the EMT's came running in, trying to be serious, they all laughed their asses off at me. I was the drunken bus driver that caused the wreck. The belt also pushed my boobs up to my neck as well. I laughed too until I realized they were going to strap me to a back board and carry me out. Ummmmmm.......what? I don't like being strapped down and I certainly didn't want to hear the grunts and groans of these men trying to carry my ass out the door. Even with my protests, I was picked up, with a grunt from no one other but my HUSBAND (he soooo didn't get laid last night), strapped down and carried over to the "immediate attention" tarp. Then someone assessed my injuries and walked away. After laying there in the hot sun for about 10 minutes I said "Hey, can I get up so I can go do my other injury?" They looked down at me like they had forgotten me (how dare them) and said "Yeah, go ahead, we are done with you!" Great, I tried to Houdini my way out of the straps, got a few curious glances and a bunch of giggles before someone came to release me. Shitholes!

In a huff, I went back into the gross bus and realized my next injury was me with a head injury seeping brain matter. I chuckled out loud. Like I have brain matter to seep. But whatever, they could push it back in and everything would be fine. Nope, they tagged me as dead and once again, this time with no grunts because my hubby stayed far, far away from me, and laid me on the black tarp. This time they quickly unleashed me and I had to lay there dead for a few minutes. Ummm....Karma? I don't want to be on the morgue tarp. So, I stood up and yelled "It's a miracle, God resurrected me. AMEN!" Again, people laughed at my antics and gave me another victim card.

This time I had to sit with another girl in the Partridge Families bathroom. It's the size of a T.V. box. Then they were going to extract us. Yeah, that's right. The Jaws of Life were coming out and saws and all that crap, while we sat in the crapper. Another thoughtful firefighter held a blanket over us so debris wouldn't poke out our eye or something. It was a stuffy 400 degrees and took them about 10 minutes. This time I had a bloody head and lost 500cc's of blood. I was tagged immediate attention again. Great! Couldn't I be the victim that had a broken finger or something and could walk away? So, onto the backboard again. This time they thought it would be funny to pretend to drop me, making me shout out profanities while small children's ears burned and then the freaks started tickling me. I was bouncing around the backboard and feared them dropping me for good. They screwed with me for a few more minutes. By this time I figured out how to unleash myself and quickly took of the harness and went after the bastards. Too bad they are faster then me. Then I said, "Ya know what, I'm done being a victim" And they all agreed. I did my part.

I gave my hubby another nasty look from the post "grunt" when he lifted me, maybe gave him the finger too and left. This used to work except now that everyone knows me they all laughed their butts off at me and wished me farewell. Assholes!

So, what a exciting night I had. Now today I have to go to work with a flaming red throat and swollen glands. No doubt from the disgust of the bus. My allergies went nuts. And then I'm gonna have to stay down in the basement after work making sure we don't get any water in there again because big storms are coming. Then I'm going to take a few NyQuil and call it a day. And my husband still won't get laid! ASS!

I'm almost ready for my ego boost post again. I have a hard time with the reader thing. And my sex post is in the works still. And if anyone of you know how to make this blog look a little prettier and not so freaking boring, let me know. I will give you all my info just to be with the cool bloggers.

And I have all intentions of visiting each and everyone of you today after work. Big hugs!

Oh, one more thing. Today is negotiations with hubs new job. They are going to be disguising money, perks, and all that crap. Hubby and I know where we need to be and so please say a prayer for firecracker that the negotiations work for us.
That Karma likes me for one day.
Pray, Pray, Pray! Thanks friends.

Hang over, colon cleanse, hangover 101

I feel like a drunken sailor people. Not only did I throw up mudslides out my nose last weekend I swallowed the evil, devil's water called tequila shots this weekend. And it wasn't meant to happen. No, people didn't manhandle me (well a few did but secretly I liked it) but I get that braveness that happens when you drink a few too many red beers and then the shots are the chasers. I haven't done a tequila shot in years. Well, the day my husband proposed to me was the last time I did a shot of the lighter fluid. But that's a whole different story.

My mom called me when I was in my drunken state. She is a overbearing mom. Always has been, always will be. So, she made the comment to me of "your becoming a regular drunk!" (sarcastically but if you knew her you would know that is her way of making a point!)

My response was "Yep, and I'm screwing every man here tonight mom........I'm hoping to make enough money to take a trip. Wanna come? I'm not only a drunk but a hooker"

I have to face this women today. She forgets all the times when I was a kid of our pool parties that were absolutely fun as hell but a lot of alcohol was consumed. But that's what she does best. Amnesia and Alzheimer's ironically play a part of her pathetic attempt of keeping a halo over her head.

Sadly, me and my mom are a lot alike. I don't so much look like her (my daughter does) but I certainly mimic her shit tactics she has always used to manipulate us kids.

Anyway, back to the party. Nope, I didn't use my boobs to make any money this week. I just got drunk as a skunk, kissed everyone I knew, because I am a lover when I am drunk, and I don't give a shit who you are, I love you! I met a thousand people, because I make friends very, very easy, and kissed them too.

Hubby was drunk and he is a lover too so he kissed everyone as well. This may sound weird to most of you but I truly do love everyone except for the people I hate. And for the people who start rumors about me or give me hell they usually get the wrath of me and it really doesn't make their lives nice. I'm vindictive like that! I know I am malicious but really, you have to really piss me off to get me there. Remember the post about the town whores that started rumors about me? They are deserving of my spitefulness. And if you mess with my kid, I will make your life dreadful.........

Anyway, I got some new friends, some cute little friends that I need to give some ego boosters too. Plus, all my old blog friends and my sweet friends that read my blog. But, I am still recovering considering I had to put in 8hrs yesterday with a massive headache and 2hours of sleep. So.Not.Fun.

Thanks for the sweet comments back about me. I love ego boosters because sometimes I get pretty down on myself. My self confidence could be worked on but I have bigger fish to eat then worry about that. So, this blog sorta helps with that.

So, here's what's to come.....more ego boosters for the new friends and old. And, I have a sex post that will rock your world. It is a doozy. It is informative, funny and grotesque. So, again for you haters of me.....kiss my right ass cheek and make the left jealous, cause I don't care what you think. I always have to post that.

And I will post a few pictures but again, most of them were me kissing friends and I don't want people to think I am lesbian because I don't munch carpet and we are not swingers, except for when we are trying to swing at the playground to see who can go the highest. I'm a lover and an occasional hater. That's me.

Here's a picture of me and my 35yr old husband.

Happy Birthday my sweet love. You are the reason that Sheylee and I have what we do. You have made dreams come true and you are the love of my life. Not only do I still find you sexy I also live with my best friend in the world. I cannot express my love and gratitude to you as it cannot be put in words. It is impossible to express that sort of emotion. Just know that I love your touch, your love, your words, you humor, your dedication to the family and your astonishing fatherly ways. And the sex is something to talk about too baby, but that's private so I won't go there.

Love your forever grateful wife,

Krissy