5 Reasons to Piss your Pants laughing.......

1) When a Kirby Vacuum Salesperson knocks on your door, promising to clean one room of your house. You invite them in because you cannot say "no" like me. As he is trying to assemble and demonstrate the machine that has a gazillion different attachments, it back fires and sends up a cloud of dust. He blushes and said "It wasn't supposed to do that!" I respond back "Really?" Diva starts fake coughing and expressing how she can't breath. Then your lovely daughter and her equally lovely daughter demonstrate their new song:

"I love Poo in the tub, I love poo to rub! I Love Poo in the face, I love poo all over the place.....I love (Winnie the ) POOOOOOOOO!"

And then they proceed to sing about Barney, the purple dinosaur:

"I love you, you love me, lets hang barney by a tree. Stab him in the back, kick him in the head....now that purple thing is dead"

Homeschool may be a possibility........

2) On a walk with a friend, her 3 children, my daughter and adopted daughter and adopted neighbor, one of the kids biffs it hard on the cement. Before this, Him and Diva were racing and Diva was kicking his ass. He was bleeding from his leg, crying and pissed. Diva looked at him and said "Bet I could still beat you by jumping on one leg!" They took off, and Diva won again. She looked him in the face and bluntly said "Maybe you should stop bullying me because I bet I could kick your butt!"

Right on Rock Star!!!! That's my gal!

3) Me playing baseball on Wii, while Kirby dude was now working on putting the contraption away. I missed a ball for the 400th time and lost my cool. I yelled "Damn it, this freaking sucks, I hate this "bleep" "blipping" game." (that's the PG version) I regain my composure to see Diva and friend laughing and Kirby boy staring in disgust. I later asked what he was majoring in at college, and religion was his answer. Ooops!!! It also took him about 1 1/2 hour of our time and after numerous "no's" from us, and supper was in the oven, I finally just decided to eat in front them. Ummmmm.....Get the hell out maybe? Geesh!

4) Diva and friend discussed politics. Yeah, Politics. Their advice is to have every kid make the rules and make up their own bedtimes. Parents are soooo not cool. Then Diva's friend (I call her Dookie) says: "Well, you are alright! Can I spend the night tonight?" Suck up!

5) Diva begging and pleading with me that she cannot do P.E. today because they are running the mile and she is "so not in the mood" for the mile run. I told her to deal with it. She got pissed and told me that "I don't support her."

Nope, I don't support you, so no more supper for you girl! And tomorrow you'll be going to school naked as a Hannah Montana in Vogue. I'll give her a bandana to wear. That outta teach her!

And I couldn't resist this one either.

10minutes!

Ummm....this is the second post of the day and I did a meme plus a whine on the earlier post. So make sure you are reading the post before this incase you were tagged..........

____________________________________________
Well......I said I decided to take action, and I am. I read my 10min a day book and I put it to work. So, I'm supposed to take things 10min at a time. Okay, I can do this. Sure, no problem. Then I got a panic attack thinking about how and what was I going to take 10min at a time.

*Sigh*

So, then I though, Okay.....10min of no worries, no stresses, no thoughts. No anger, no thoughts of me beating the snot out of a bunch of wieners, nothing. 10min is a long time for me to do this because my brain is always worrying about something. Stressing about some disaster, about things that I could change but I'm just too chicken or things I can't change because I cannot feed all the hungry. But, I'm gonna try.

So, I put on my walking shoes (first I had to put on some corn relief sticky things because I have about 7 blisters on my feet from the toxic meds I am on), grabbed the Ipod and asked if it was ready to rock, and stepped out into a cloudy but humid day. And I walked. And I listened to music like Mony Mony, AC/DC, Guns N Roses, U2, Lisa Loeb, Firehouse, Enrique Iglasious, Flo Rida, Sir Mix Alot and so on and so on. And I walked and walked and walked. Suddenly, 10 min turned into 30 minutes of me breathing in and out, singing out loud (even with people giving me odd looks), waving to the neighbors, waving to the sheriff, waving to Opie and Don Knotts (just seeing if your still reading!)

And then I started laughing out loud about antics my daughter has done that has made me laugh, things I have done that has made others laugh, and things my hubby has done that made everyone laugh. And then I got more strange looks from people who saw me singing and laughing and incidentally, stumbling over some pebbles and nearly breaking my neck. And I laughed even harder.

Then I started to jog....something that I haven't done for a long time. Thank God I put on the sports bra and spanx. Now don't think I ran a mile or more, it was simply 7 blocks but hell, I did it.

And now I am home, and I am feeling better. And I'm blogging about it because this is step one of a positive attitude and to me beginning to laugh through my tears again. And here I am....feeling better. Feeling energetic. Feeling powerful. Feeling Blessed. Feeling God!

(And soaking my bleeding blisters, because I wanted you to know my pain and feel for me!)

And then I realized I missed some calls. My answering machine had 8 missed calls. From my hubby telling me he loves me and thanks for standing by him, and then friends just calling to say hi and that they love me. Some saying things like "I miss you, where are you?" And then my dad called to check up on me and seeing how I am feeling (because he loves me and cares about me!) And then a telemarketer saying my name wrong and calling me "Boob"ian (Stacey, if you are reading this, I know your laughing!)

And things are going to be alright.

And I know that this is long and boring, but I want to bring you some words from a wise, poetic person. Someone that knows struggles and has said his words of wisdom for the world to hear. Pure genius. Simply beautiful. A legend.

"Welcome to the jungle. It gets worse here everyday,Ya learn ta live like an animal in the jungle where we play. If you got a hunger for what you see you'll take it eventually. You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me"

"In the jungle. ,Welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your knees, knees I wanna watch you bleed"

By: Axl Rose



Yeah Baby!!!

meme, meme,me,meeeeee

I was tagged by my favorite CinnaBun for this short meme. So, I'm giving it a go. Fun, Fun!

So here are the rules:
1.)Write your own six word memoir.
2.)Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you'd like.
3.)Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible.
4.)Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5.)Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!


My 6 Words:
High-Spirited, Exuberant, Feisty, Playful, Menopausal, Neurotic


Oh, lets see....I'm going to give this too:

Brittany-My fab friend

Jennifer from Blessings from Above-She such a lovey.

Laskigal-I just love this gal.

Cyndi-Whom is one of my longest bloggy friends and very supportive.

April-Even though she is pending a wedding :-)

Tara (If mom says it's okay)-Who doesn't love this gal?

I could name so many more because I love you all!!!

...............................................................................................

Days are getting harder and harder here. My hubby's job sucks and I am begging him to get the hell out of there. The man has other jobs that would hire him in a heartbeat but his dedication is killing me. The damn company he works for now is a cooperate mess and I hate it. Today in particular they have my nerves on high alert. I could honestly scream. GRRRRRR!

So, I am forcing my husband to do rash things. This company has discriminated him and have no regards for his safety or time. He is calling a lawyer as we speak.

I am not the kind of person that sues. I hate the fact that we are already in a lawsuit with the schools. I have begged them to just fix the problem and we would eat the cost of lost value in home and personal belongings. They thought we were bluffing. We proved them wrong.

But I have no guilt about my husbands current job. I will not allow them to continue their antics against my hubby and furthermore, to the techs that work their asses off for them. Since my hubby has started at this job, 6 people have quite in a years time and they have not been able to find replacements. Why??? Because no one wants to work for them. Karma. This time it will kick them in the ass instead of us. I swear by it.

My mood has been ugly for a few weeks now. My stress is out of control. Last week I had to go to the E.R. They thought I was having a stroke. My face was numb, my mouth was numb, my tongue was heavy and my arm was tingling. I was dizzy and blacked out. Guess what.....I had vertigo but also severe panic and anxiety.

So I made a mental decision. I am going to start to fix things negative in my life. Without a doubt, my hubby's job is a huge factor. It doesn't just effect him. It effects us. Thankfully, my daughter doesn't have to deal with it as we keep it from her. But they done pissed me off now. And I told my hubby today that we are done dealing with it. It is a large nation wide company. My hubby knows the CEO (I think that is what he is....he is high up there though). I told him to call him NOW! I told him to not quit, but if they fire him that is okay with me. I'm D.O.N.E.

I know that this will cause more stress in our lives for a short time. I can handle it. I know in the long run our lives will be different and if I continue to try to make positive improvements it will be for the better.

I wish that I could handle stress better then I do. I am not strong. I am determined. But I am weak. I admit it. Yes, I stand up for me and my family/friends. Yes, I can be a dirty bitch and play rotten games when I need too. But I should have been an actress because most see me as the firecracker that I am, but they don't see that I get severe panic attacks, diarrhea, upset stomach, throwing up. I contain it to myself and it doesn't do the body good. So, now it is time for me to start making changes in our lives. I can't just sit around and gripe about it. I have to do something about it.

Keep reading......cause I swear there are going to be some heads rolling and some changes made. I'm sick of being kicked down. But damn it all to hell.....I will get back up.

I love this blog......because this blog gives me strength. And when in doubt, I read the wonderful supportive comments and I re-read my words. And I get strength all over again.

Have a better day then me, okay? Don't worry or fret for me though. Because this time I will prevail! Woot!

The Spider said to the fly.......

The Chronicles of those who hate me:

Yep, you heard me, there are those who hate me and guess what, I think that they suck pig fat too. It's a long drawn out story, one that will bore you to tears. So, I'm gonna tell it anyway!!!

You see, it started with unfaithful, cheating, butt-munchers. Yep, there was this guy and this girl. Both married, donning their wedding bands. But the jack nuts decided that having sex in public, banging each other in a small town that everyone knows everything about you was a great idea. In a town that your neighbors know things about you that you don't even know. But the boy and the girl didn't think about that. All they could think about was how great it was to jump in a car and start rocking out with their cock out. And guess what, people saw. They would flirt and give google eyes for all to see.....including their spouses. Well, girl divorced her husband. But boy did not. Yet he still feels empowered to hump the now divorced girl. And more rumors started to fly. Not so much even rumors, but the truth was told in our small town grapevine.

I used to like boy and girl. Got along with them great. When I heard of such screwing rendezvous I lost some respect for them. But lets face it, I have enough on my plate to keep me satisfied and I really don't care to discuss their obscene get togethers. But somehow, boy and girl decided to bring other people into their disgusting affair. Could it have been because I am still good friends with girls ex husband? Don't know! I wasn't the only party that got dragged through the mud. Girl approached me about it....asked me why I have been starting rumors about her and boy. At school. Then she cried because she didn't want her children harmed by this. She approached me about it at school with said kids right there. Me being the mature one, I told her that I had no part of her adventures and if she was so concerned about her children, why would she make a scene at school, in front of her kids, and for all to hear. She shut up.

I went home, called the little tramp on the phone and gave her the biggest lip lashing I could give. I told her that if she didn't want to be the subject of rumors, then don't initiate them. If you wanted to have sex with a married man, then do it in a cheap hotel in another town, like other shits like her do. I hung up the phone and called it a day.

Then boy approached me at a event. Rudely. He usually has this gigantic beast of a body guard with him but his beast was no where to be found. I told him to "F" off and go home to his wife. He stated the same thing. I started rumors about their affair. Then he and girl went out on the dance floor and made out. Hmmmmm....Rumor? I think not!

Now little boy is scared. We saw him at a restaurant, again he was sans his hairy beast body guard, and he put his tail between his leg and ran for the door. I had to do it, I had to get the anger out, so I called him a pencil dick. He ran for the door.

I saw him and his hairy fat body guard (whom I hate as well) Friday night. They didn't say a word. You know why, because everyone hates this 3 hosers now. Not just from me. But because of the web they weaved. I did in fact voice my opinion to others about how I felt. I have a posse and I'm not to be messed with. They will tear them up. These tally whackers are aware of this now. They know that I have a voice equivalent to a fog horn when need be.

I laugh at the situation now. Ha,ha,ha! But at first I was saddened that they would start shit with me. Then I got pissed, then I got even. That's how I roll.

So, all I can say to the dweebs is come mess with me. Come face to face and lets throw it down. I'll invite you into my home to talk this out!!!!

Said the spider to the fly.....................

And for the record, boy is still with his wife, whom you never see together. She is ashamed but wants to keep the family together. She is a sweet, sweet lady and certainly deserves better then her redneck husband.

AMEN!

Learn about a firecracker!

Things that make me laugh out loud.....

1) Farting! I laugh and laugh when someone blows their hole out. To me, this is funny.

2) People falling. I know I shouldn't laugh at other peoples pain but damn, when someone takes a nose dive or lands on the ass I laugh so hard I snort.

3) Austin Powers....love this show. He cracks me up and Fat Bastard is my all time favorite.

4) When I fall, or do something stupid. I don't just laugh at others pain, I laugh at my own as well.

5) Fake "Cowboys" who wear the big ole hat, the 5lb belt buckle and the shit kickers but yet they drive away in their Pinto car's and have never stepped foot on a ranch.

Things that make me smile....

1)When my daughter is proud of herself after accomplishing something she swore she could never do.

2) My daughters friends calling me "mom" and talking to me about things that they would never talk to their own parents about.

3) When my hubby has a great day at work and is proud of his achievements.

4) My family, calling to tease me, laugh with me or cry to me. Because they know that I am always on their side.

5) My friends, the ones who defends me, loves me, and cares deeply for me. I am blessed with friends.

Things that make me sad....

1) Children suffering, abused, neglected or mentally drained from lack of attention.

2) Parents fighting for their children's lives. Desperately trying to seek out a miracle.

3) Animal abuse and neglect. Why have a animal if you don't have the time to spend with them. Selfishness is abundant in our lives.

4) Marriages that crumble because of stupid, silly reasons.

5) People living in fear, consumed with grief or worries.

Things that make me cry...

1) Seeing my daughter dealing with pre-adolescent problems and bullies.

2) God, and all the blessings he has given to me.

3) Fat people wearing skinny people clothes.

4) The thought of losing a friend or family member.

5) Death

Things that I do about these things...

1) Get involved in fundraisers and events that could help others.

2) Educate people on the importance of serious issues.

3) Approach teachers and bully's that have the gull to mess with my girl or my girls friends.

4) Express to people that neglect animals that they would be better in a different environment.

5) Being a listener, a supporter and a advocate for less fortunate people.

What makes you happy, sad or cry. What is your passion in life. My biggest passion, my family and friends. I love you all. More then you will ever know. I tell my friends and family that I love them all the time. I'm not ashamed to express my love. I pray. I pray for peace in every one's heart.

Also tell me things you wish to achieve. Your goals. I want to know you on a personal level. My goal is to be bill free, vacation whores and get more involved in volunteer work. That's my goals. And to save the world from seeing fat people wearing daisy duke shorts, speedos, bikini's, etc. Oh, and to have another tattoo for my birthday. I'm taking donations as it will cost over $150 for the one I want. LOL!! I said I wanted to get more involved in fundraisers. :-)

I love you and you and you. I love you all. And my biggest goal is to get my girls that I love to meet somewhere and tear up the town. We can do it!

Keeping it REAL!

Let's talk about keeping it real......



You see, I think my idea of "keeping it real" and what others consider "keeping it real" are sometimes very different. I am a person whom doesn't embarrass easy. I love when someone throws shit my way because I'm like a monkey throwing poo....I fling it back at them. I am quick witted and there are only a few times that I have been speechless.



If you are a "real" friend (like a friend that I can poke with my finger) you have been exposed to some very "Krissy" moments. For instance......my friends are never alarmed or surprised when I say "Hey, I gotta go, I'm going to have sex with my hubby....I'll call you back in a few!" Seriously, I'm not ashamed because these are my friends that chose me knowing that this is how I am. Most of my friends have been friends with me for many, many years. Elementary, middle school and up. And we are close as friends can be. I know them, they know me. But I am very honest and I do not have a problem telling you about my life. I am not shy. I am me.



When I was pregnant with my babe, I had hemorrhoids. I never held my tongue when my "ring of fire" was bleeding. When I had my babe, I had over 15people in and out of my room. I took a shower and had at least 7 friends in the bathroom with me, coaxing me through the terrible contractions. When I bleed from my kidneys, I have made my friends look just to testify to seeing traces of blood. When I had endomitriosis and passed clots the size of my fist, I never held back and always expressed my torment. This is me, and this is who my friends love! They are not appalled by me and do not stick their noses up at me.



I don't pretend to be the perfect person. I have a great, loving husband whom so many others are completely jealous of. I have a daughter who is spectacular, even when she is mouthy as hell. I have family who love me and support me more then you could ever imagine. I have lots of reasons to be idolized. I know my blessings.



I have read some blogs that try so hard to be perfect. They are as fake as my BFF's implants. Okay! I don't visit their blogs and I laugh my ass off at these people. I know people who have put themselves in so much debt just to "Keep up with the Jones's'" it makes me sad! I have no one to keep up with. I have fantasized about being a rock star, but I do not get jealous of others because they have more toys or money then I do. I don't care. Never have, Never will. I don't push my kid into activities because all the other kids are in it. I don't want her to have that attitude. I want her to do things because she wants to do it. If she doesn't want to go to college, I will be disappointed, but I will let her make her own decisions. And I won't be jealous of the other kids who are in college.

I like sex. I like selling sex toys. I find this fun and exciting. I like giving advice on something I know a lot about. I am not ashamed. If you think that this is wrong or disgusting, then don't be my friend. Simple.

But somethings you may not know about me. I am a christian. I love my God. I love to talk about God and all the blessings I have.

I can also talk politics. I can tell you who I am voting for and why. I can tell you my passions in life. Like helping sick children and their families and how passionate I am about stem cell research because it saves lives of children all over the world. I can argue my point and quite often, have won the battle.

I have also sat at a table with people who were millionaires, all ten of them, and held my own. I can be the proper women, I can be the crazy girl and I can be the passionate mother. I can go into my daughters school and half of the people know me by name, and know that I will get things done. I have approached teachers about bullying, I have defended my child to a point of almost smacking down the teacher and I can sit in a city council meeting to argue with them about our numerous floods in our house due to their stupid mistakes.

I am the PTO mom, the room mom, the mom who helps at dance. I am the mom that can give you advice when your child is sick. I can listen to your problems and be very passionate about making you feel better. I have seen bad things. I have seen a child die before my very eyes, taking her very last breath and smiling as she meets her angels. I can help plan a funeral for a distraught mom who doesn't have the will to make the decisions. I have been referred to as a "life saver" numerous times because I will help you fix your dilemmas. And I will do it proudly.

But my favorite thing to do is just be me! Wild, passionate, loving, fun, caring me! I like me sometimes, and other days I wish I was someone else. I find this normal! Normal as any other human. And I will never care if someone judges me for being "real"

I hope that I am liked. I hope that I am loved. But if people cannot like or love me......I will get over it. Because I have so many more people who do. I know I sound very whiny at times. This is true. But really, I'm pretty optimistic and I don't cry over spilled milk to often. I laugh a lot. I love to laugh.

So, don't ever question rather I am really the type of person I have perceived me to be.........Cuz the Krissy you know here, is the same Krissy you would know in person!!!!


So, I'm gonna go pee now and then have some great sex with my hubby. I'll talk to you tomorrow!!!! Happy Sexing to all!!!!!!!

The sky is falling.........

I swear, the sky is falling. It couldn't have possibly been bird poop that landed in my hair. Noooo.....Mother Nature loves me. She would never allow a bird to squirt it's contents from it's ass on to my head. So, the only other logical reason is the sky is falling.

Apparently, the sky is made up of white goo and berries. Because that is what landed on my hair and dripped onto my face.

Mother Nature isn't the dirty old hag that I once thought she was. I misjudged her. Even though a week ago we got 4inches of snow in April and snow is forcasted for tomorrow as well. This isn't her fault. It's old man winter just being stubborn. That's all. It has to be. And the tornado's that were circling all around us was Mother Nature just showing her awesome beauty. And if we get the rain that we are supposed too, it isn't her fault that I will be the owner of a home with a indoor swimming pool again. Nope, she doesn't mean to cause this harm to me.

Ohhhh.....who the hell am I kidding. That bitch is out to get me and she plays dirty. The wicked woman. I despise the ole hag. I really really do. And the bird pooping on my head was just her way of letting me know that she is still here, present in my life, controlling my days. What a dirtball.

I swear if it snows, I will kick her retarded ass all over the town. I mean it. She messed with the wrong chicky. I am a bull when I am pissed. Ask the poor exec at Target today who got a earful plus some from me. He was aghast at my determination and bull handedness. He knows, don't mess with a menopausal, dizzy, puking, pissed at the world woman.

So, Mother Nature.....bite my ass cheek and make my boobs jealous. Okay. We all hate you right now. Every single South Dakotan wants to burn you at the stakes. So, be afraid, be very afraid.

I need some wine! Dang it!

And for you viewing pleasure.....here are some more pics of my delicious daughter whom is just the cutest thing. Yes, I am her mother so I think she is the best but whatever, she is top notch to me......

Dancing by herself as a precious flowergirl.

A true Papa's girl. Notice the big lug of a dog behind them. That's Lurch....my parents horse....

Lurch and my parents other dog, Cosmo. Isn't it cute......

The loves of my life.....